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Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Aug 12, 2020 7:03 pm

Thank you °°Isaïa°°! We greatly appreciate your reply! :)



---------------------
How we are right now:

Well, we had a meeting last night. Not everyone showed up though, so the protectors are holding another one tonight. From what was said last night (those who showed up), it seems we all agree this T isn't helping us. We want to make sure we get everyone's opinion though, so hopefully we are able to get the other opinions tonight.


I just want to ask a question, if I may. Which this is something our T said, and I most definitely don't agree with it. Actually this is really upsetting......


Trigger warning

Basically, is it true (what our T said) that if I (the host) stay in the outer world 24/7, everything will be 100% better with the inner world. I feel this is 100% ridiculous!
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Aug 12, 2020 7:15 pm

Ponyta wrote:Trigger warning

Basically, is it true (what our T said) that if I (the host) stay in the outer world 24/7, everything will be 100% better with the inner world. I feel this is 100% ridiculous!

We agree with you. What your T is saying here is just another reason to look for a new T.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Aug 12, 2020 9:35 pm

Thank you MDs!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I've been wanting one of us to ask what the purpose of grounding is. I believe they forgot to ask. I'm almost positive <based on what I read> our T isn't using it right for us. Then again, almost everything our T claims makes me more angry, especially the more I think about it. The worst part is I'm not only upsetting myself with this. All I'm doing is accidentally riling the others up more. I'm done with this therapist nonsense. I sure hope the others all agree. Like our host said earlier, it seems we all feel the same way <at least, so far>.

Now I feel as if my blood is boiling again. I hate that feeling. I don't know what to do. I just can't help it right now. I keep thinking about our T, and what was said. Trying to distract myself isn't helping right now. Then again, I did accidentally make the others mad too. Major and utter mess we have right now. I could scream, I'm that frustrated.

<Falcon>
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Aug 13, 2020 6:57 am

In here, we agree too that "only the host in front" is bullshirt. Some system work better this way, but for others it's a catastrophe waiting to happen.

For us, it is very unhealthy. We need to be able to switch or at least be co-conscious with Zami (our host) in order to function better. There are a lot of things that Zami is unable to do by themself. Cooking yummy meals. Brewing tea that tastes like tea. Talking about their/our emotions. Doing groceries shopping without getting too overwhelmed. Some aspects of cleaning that they are emotionally/sensorially unable to deal with.

A system is a system because it needs to be a system. Trying to force one alter on the front and all the others inside, is like telling a singlet that from now one, they can use only one eye, one toe and three fingers for the rest of their life. It's utterly ridiculous.


°°Isaïa°° and -David- with --Zami-- around towards the end.
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Active system members: oOo van Hohenheim | oTo Trisha | & Urielle | - X | // Ulysses | ♥ Lust | Sub-system: {Pride|Wrath} | ?? Zami ??

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Thu Aug 13, 2020 4:49 pm

ArbreMonde wrote:Trying to force one alter on the front and all the others inside, is like telling a singlet that from now one, they can use only one eye, one toe and three fingers for the rest of their life. It's utterly ridiculous.


°°Isaïa°° and -David- with --Zami-- around towards the end.


This is great! And we completely agree.

Ponyta--you said that last week your T was surprised that you had been upset, and said that she didn't mean to upset you. Do you think you let her know in this last session how upset you were by what she was saying? I still think that you probably need a different T, since this one doesn't seem to really understand DID, but it might be important for you to remember that when you do find another one, it's very important to let a T know right away if something they say upsets or bothers any of you. It's never a good idea to just let something slide, because it will build up and affect the relationship.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby IainEtc » Thu Aug 13, 2020 6:11 pm

ArbreMonde wrote:A system is a system because it needs to be a system. Trying to force one alter on the front and all the others inside, is like telling a singlet that from now one, they can use only one eye, one toe and three fingers for the rest of their life. It's utterly ridiculous.


Oh yeah! We got to switch or at least get access to everybody.

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby MakersDozn » Thu Aug 13, 2020 6:39 pm

"Bullshirt"--we like that. :)

And we we totally agree that a system is what it needs to be and that it should be allowed to operate the way it's designed. A good T respects this.

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Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Thu Aug 13, 2020 11:15 pm

.


Thank you °°Isaïa°°, -David-, --Zami--, TheGangsAllHere, Iain, and MDs! We greatly appreciate your concern, and replies! It means a lot to us! :)


TheGangsAllHere wrote:Ponyta--you said that last week your T was surprised that you had been upset, and said that she didn't mean to upset you. Do you think you let her know in this last session how upset you were by what she was saying?


Well, we thought our T was genuine when we told her before, but the thing is, we don't even know if she cares enough to remember what we even say. By this I mean, a bunch of us did speak up. Our T doesn't seem to understand us. She had the audacity to claim that then we didn't want help. Just because our host (which is co-con with me as I type this) refuses to be out 24/7, our T claims she/we don't want help.

When we first went to her, she claimed we all had a right to speak. She also claimed that treatment was completely up to us. She seemed very caring. Now it seems she only wants to talk to our host, BUT then will even demand for someone else to come out (when our host asked about how to solve an inner world problem), because she told our host outright something beyond RIDICULOUS! It has ALL of us very angry.

She told our host, which makes us really wonder and feel bad for those our therapist "treated" before. We sure hope she didn't mess up other systems really bad. We worry about that, because this is what our therapist (who claims she had lots of training in DID, and helped over 50 different people who had it) said to our host (with us watching/listening in).



TRIGGER WARNING EXTREMELY UPSETTING things that our Therapist told our host



Our Therapist told our host outright: our inner wold is fantasy. That is why our therapist REFUSES to hear our host talk anything about it. Our therapist said that she can't help with anything in the inner world, for only our host knows what is going on. Our T says: It (our inner world) is a fantasy element and has to be eliminated. Our host must use grounding and basically told her to put walls up so she can't hear us. Also told her that if she's in the outer world 24/7, everything will get 100% better with the inner world.


End Trigger Warning




WHAT!? And this is the same therapist that said she successfully helped over 50 others with DID, over the years. Our hearts are deeply worried about those others, Especially if she "treated" them the same way. What our therapist told our host to do is BEYOND ridiculous. It won't help. It will only make matters FAR worse. Those who don't like our host, as it is, will really have a reason to completely hate her.

Our host made it extremely clear to us (during both inner world meetings) that she believes she is equal to us. She says she refuses to do what our therapist wants her to do, because we are her friends. She says, even those who don't like her yet: she doesn't want to do anything to hurt them. Our host made it very clear that all of us (as long as we follow the protectors rules) are free to use the body. She said she is no better than the rest of us. She says we are ALL equal. So we're glad for that. Her job after-all, isn't just our "main" host, but a peacekeeper as well.

She told our therapist that, as well as we said how we felt. Our therapist refuses to hear it. Goes back to I guess you don't want help then. Our therapist then told us she would remove our upcoming appointments then. AGAINST what we were saying. We said we want help. She just isn't listening or helping us, so it was voted unanimously that we are quitting this one, and looking for a new therapist.

The thing is, so far we can't find one. :(


-Signed O, with Emma co-con
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Aug 14, 2020 12:46 am

Did you look on isst-d.org? Because even if there isn't anyone listed who is close to you, you can call the closest ones, tell them where you're located, and ask if they know of a good DID therapist close to you.

Did you get a chance to remind your T about what she said at first--that you were all equal and that your treatment was up to you?

It's not ok for a T to refuse to hear something that you want to say, and to insist that you don't want help just because you won't do the specific thing she asked you to do.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri Aug 14, 2020 2:04 am

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Did you look on isst-d.org? Because even if there isn't anyone listed who is close to you, you can call the closest ones, tell them where you're located, and ask if they know of a good DID therapist close to you.

Actually we didn't think of that. We checked isst-d.org, but didn't think of calling despite being so far away. That's a really good idea. Thank you! We greatly appreciate your advice. :)

As for our therapist: She just wasn't hearing it. She claimed we all had an equal right to speak (at the start of almost every session), but then, by her actions/words, proved that wasn't true. Our T kept contradicting a lot of stuff she said. Like a lot of times one of us were out, our T wanted someone else to come out. She mainly wanted our host.

We can't believe how difficult it is to try to tell this therapist anything. We told her stuff how many times and she didn't believe us. Some times we didn't even bother, because it was pointless. Pointless because she just wouldn't listen. It makes us incredibly mad that she wouldn't listen to us like that. For example, we didn't know the answer to something: our T would literally say, "Uh, come on. I'm sure you know. One of you does. Send out the one who does." When we would tell her yet again that we don't know. She would keep repeating that sentence. It's like Come on now. We told you we don't know. If anyone of us truly knows the answer, then we're not sure who it is, which we also told her. She didn't seem to believe us even after saying that. We didn't even say all the ridiculous stuff this therapist did/said, but just thinking about her is making me mad. Not just me, but a lot of us are having problems lately. It's almost as if this T became a trigger for us, or something. Just talking about her makes us mad. At least we all agreed about getting a new one.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:It's not ok for a T to refuse to hear something that you want to say, and to insist that you don't want help just because you won't do the specific thing she asked you to do.


We completely agree with you. Thank you again for your reply! We greatly appreciate it! :)


-Signed O (plus a few others were helping)
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