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Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby sleepingwolf » Tue Apr 28, 2020 7:56 pm

We wanted to send our best wishes to you all and hope that you are all doing ok and can find some rest. Things sound tough, we're sending out positive vibes your way!

We just wanted to say to take it nice and easy too. We can really relate and feel similar to you All, and we just wanted to say that there isn't any rush, and things will clear up and answers will come. Being as calm, rested and healthy as possible is the best way forwards.

Good luck all! You're not alone in it. Peace and positivity to All!

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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri May 01, 2020 5:09 pm

sleepingwolf wrote:We wanted to send our best wishes to you all and hope that you are all doing ok and can find some rest. Things sound tough, we're sending out positive vibes your way!

We just wanted to say to take it nice and easy too. We can really relate and feel similar to you All, and we just wanted to say that there isn't any rush, and things will clear up and answers will come. Being as calm, rested and healthy as possible is the best way forwards.

Good luck all! You're not alone in it. Peace and positivity to All!

Gothika


Thank you.... Gothika....for your kind words. We greatly appreciate them! :)
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Fri May 01, 2020 10:07 pm

Not sure if these are a type of shape-shifter.....or should be called werewolves....or just wolves. Just want to refer to them the right way. I don't want to upset them in any way. I know we have a lot of shape-shifters.....but the shifters are able to take multiple forms. Maybe they are an exception though? I do know we have a male and female who can go from human to snake form. That seems to be their only possible "transformation".

These are able to go from wolf to human form....although they aren't scary looking....like werewolves. Their human form has slightly pointed ears. They are a pack. I know there's more of them....but I saw three so far. I'm guessing the "highest-ranking ones".....due to their pack order. These three....one is a white wolf (leader), one is a brown wolf (his brother), and one is a black wolf (not sure who he is....but he is meaner than the other two.)

I've been speaking with their leader. I saw his brother before then......the leader has been watching me for quite some time.....I know....because I saw him numerous times from a distance (in his wolf form). He always "ran" away when I noticed him (possibly just took better cover). He's aware that I was speaking to his brother......before him. Long story....but his brother approached me first.

Their leader came over yesterday ( to talk to me for the first time. He took human form.) He told me that I'm welcome in his forest. So that's cool......although I'm not sure where the forest even is. Today the three of them came over.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Sat May 02, 2020 8:42 pm

UGH not doing good. I feel as if everyone thinks I'm crazy again. :( I don't know why we bother writing. When we do....I worry more at times. I don't know what's wrong. I do know several are here with me right now. Maybe it's partially denial due to more showing up? I don't know. I don't even remember yesterday that good. Only vague bits and pieces. It more feels like a distant dream....like it was many many years ago. :?
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby MakersDozn » Sat May 02, 2020 11:16 pm

hi ponyta,

you're not crazy. we're sorry that you're having a hard time.

sending you good thoughts.

shawn (16f) and everybody
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Sarandipity » Sun May 03, 2020 7:57 pm

Ponyta wrote:UGH not doing good. I feel as if everyone thinks I'm crazy again. :( I don't know why we bother writing. When we do....I worry more at times. I don't know what's wrong. I do know several are here with me right now. Maybe it's partially denial due to more showing up? I don't know. I don't even remember yesterday that good. Only vague bits and pieces. It more feels like a distant dream....like it was many many years ago. :?


Firstly to me you sound ok, not crazy.

Secondly I write here regardless of sounding crazy or not because it's an outlet. I couldn't read my past posts at first but since I have I'm glad I've written them because it helped me to make sense of stuff in relation to what I am currently exploring so whether I sound crazy or not it's useful to me and if your writing is useful to you then that matters far more than what anyone else thinks. Sarah
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Tue May 05, 2020 9:27 pm

Thank you both for the kind words. They are greatly appreciated!
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Wed May 06, 2020 7:48 pm

This is a little off topic, but, I think it has something to do with the inner world somehow. In our inner world, there is supposedly someway to get to the inner world from the dream world. I found it a few times before, by accident. Normally end up waking up within a few minutes though.

Well, lately, I've been having "scary" dreams about a raccoon, sometimes raccoons. This doesn't seem like a coincidence. The hallway (that leads to a staircase with stairs going up) they are always in, looks the same way every time. They seem to try to keep me away from there, but last night was the scariest. Plus something different, some guy showed up. He gave me the strangest look ever when I was trying to get the raccoon away from me. He almost looked as if he thought I was insane. I feel as if he maybe was one of the others, but I'm not sure.

There are several hallways that keep appearing in various dreams, not to mention people. They look the same/ act the same every time they appear. They also feel different than the other dream "elements". Is this a coincidence? It doesn't feel like one to me, but then I don't know. We're still feeling crazy. :( Not sure why. No matter how many times we're told we're not crazy, we still feel crazy.
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Mon May 11, 2020 10:24 pm

Horrible feeling right now. Don't feel like myself. Not sure who I am. Feels like I can't remember anything right now. Horrible feeling. I don't know what this is. I can remember some stuff but the feeling is hard to describe. It feels like nothing I felt before. UGH. Worried what is going on. Need to log off now. My mind is totally numb or somethig. Plus severe headache. We keep getting tohose headaches. not relly new. Ugh! Now I can't even type apparently. Not feeling like retryping. Extremely tired. :|
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Re: Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Postby Ponyta » Mon May 11, 2020 11:50 pm

I honestly don't even know why "we" made the last post. I'm not sure who it was. I do know we aren't doing so good. We thought about talking to our therapist via video chat, but due to strong protests from some of the others, we've decided to not talk over the phone or internet (video chat). A lot of us are "paranoid" or something about that. Also some of us feel our T doesn't care. They feel that way because our T never bothered to call us, since we haven't made contact with them. So a bunch of us feel as if it's pointless. Others feel like we can get through this on our own.

I'm not totally myself right now (Amy). A bunch of the protectors are here with me, as I type this. Brian is....well....maybe typing the bulk of this, but I'm typing too. Now I lost my train of thought again. I keep doing that lately. To be honest- We're doing terrible right now. The 19th is drawing nearer. The date of horrible news for us. Plus with this whole virus thing going around- we're extremely worried about our loved ones. Even more so- due to what happened suddenly- on the 19th of last year. Apparently Weirdo just typed a little. Any way......the inner world is even blurrier than ever. Well.....it's strange. Sometimes I can see without any problem. Next time....I can't even see anyone....despite being able to hear them. At least I can hear them.

Well.....some inner world "guy" (don't know their name....but pretty sure they were male....maybe though a shifter).... was really mean to me.... (the way they talked to me) last night. They said that they were a wall. I'm not even sure what they were talking about at times. They said that their job was to block me. I was trying to be nice to them. I thanked them for their job that they did years ago. I kindly tried to explain that things were different now. Weirdo even tried talking to him.

We didn't get anywhere. He insists that he must block me. Being blocked though.... (I guess the horrible blurriness/interference is a form of that).... is causing undue stress and sadness for me though. The sad thing is....this guy is mad at me. I have no clue why. I tried to ask him to please tell me what I did. He insists that I know. The thing is.....someone wiped my memory of the inner world years ago. I don't know what happened. I wish I knew. My memory is slowly coming back piece by piece.....BUT.....I don't know what happened to him. I don't know what I did....but I'm not going to deny his claim. It is possible I upset him somehow when I used to live in the inner world. The thing is......I can't remember. He claims I'm lying. I don't know how to convince him otherwise....and now I just thought of something. We do have a truth serum. I can take that. It's strange.....I can taste it. It is BEYOND HORRIBLE tasting......but if I take it in their world.....then maybe....just maybe he will believe me about my memory.....at least. Maybe then he will tell me what I did.

Although.....we did have troublemakers a while back that tried to make me think something happened (in the inner world) that never did. They liked messing with my mind like that. Weirdo and all the protectors know how awful that was for me. At least they (troublemakers) admitted to just messing with me....later on. I did not appreciate that at all (lying to me like that....and making me feel like an awful person)....but I forgave them. We're good friends now.

Hopefully I can figure out what is wrong with this "wall guy". He told me to call him that....but refuses to say anything else. Plus....I don't think he is from the "main" inner world. I could be wrong.....but.....it feels as if he's from one of the newly discovered areas (worlds).
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