Another what if: A machine or tablet that integrates you..

Another what if: what if you could cut out or go past all the DID and alters - that's not a problem anymore, it's sorted. There's a tablet or a machine that integrates you to the best possible version of yourself.

But you know all the trauma that happened to you and you could go into therapy able to just process trauma. How would that be?

Would you use that machine or tablet that realigns the brain?

what exactly is the use of these questions? I don't see how what ifs help to cope with reality.

the answer is that I think this is nonsense. we had to dissociate the trauma because we were incapable of dealing with it and there is no capacity to hold it and not go insane. what you suggest, exposing someone to all their trauma at once, would most likely end in psychosis.

birdsong87 wrote:what exactly is the use of these questions? I don't see how what ifs help to cope with reality.

the answer is that I think this is nonsense. we had to dissociate the trauma because we were incapable of dealing with it and there is no capacity to hold it and not go insane. what you suggest, exposing someone to all their trauma at once, would most likely end in psychosis.

The point is I wondered how many people would rather hold on to their parts or not. It's self reflection too because the answers help me reflect on how much of not wanting to face trauma is about holding onto parts of self.

Also some people do experience trauma early, remember it and not have DID. Would that be better? That's basically the gist of this except asking people with DID would you prefer that or the DID. I know neither is ideal.

It's what I'm considering. Parts have been exposed to some childhood trauma. There is still a preference to live in denial but that road has been closed in this system.

Our next step is trauma therapy which we would let traumatized parts speak of their trauma. That is our only purpose for that therapy. It will allow other parts to know of the traumas.

If we could take all the DID and parts away we would. We want to face the trauma now. The DID has been a blanket for long enough. That's how we are veiwing it. We can't obviously get rid of parts, especially developed parts, at this point and we don't know about integration but we can let trauma parts speak so all of the system knows the trauma. We'll take our chances on the psychosis because we get psychotic anyway when severely triggered. There's meds for that. There isn't for DID.

We think if brain science developed enough their could be such meds. Either ones that let you live oblivious or ones that let an integrated self be and know trauma.

With most disorder or disease there are options, treatment options. So far with this there aren't any. But there will be we believe and to consider what those possible medical treatment options could be is interesting to us because we suffer with DID and also because it helps us reflect on the course of action this system is taking in order to try to beat this disorder.

Will knowing trauma lead to suicide or psychosis or are we at a point where we could tolerate it and still live? We don't know but we're going to find out. And we wondered how other systems would feel about it.

Thanks for your response,

The Twins AKA Batcho and Fortune (because people ask why we don't have names)

Hi Batcho and Fortune,

Our answer here is the same as in the other What If thread. We have no desire to fuse.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:Hi Batcho and Fortune,

Our answer here is the same as in the other What If thread. We have no desire to fuse.

MDs

This one is more about an either or. Or a how far would you go to know the trauma that created this disorder and set off who you are today.

Would you rather know your trauma? That's what this one is at its heart and how far would you prepared to go to get there? Would you give up the DID to know the truth? Or would you keep the DID and maybe never get to know because therapy is hit and miss.

I'd do it. I know there's more trauma I don't know about, but at this point there's not much anyone could do that hasn't already been done to us. Does it really matter if it's 10, 15, 20 people instead of 8? Not to me.

I'd rather take the energy spent on maintaining amnesic barriers and put it towards healing.

lovethehouse wrote:I'd rather take the energy spent on maintaining amnesic barriers and put it towards healing.

Well, gosh, when you put it that way, yeah. Actually, that's a pretty stark and effective way of putting it, thanks. The constant drain on our mind, the constant juggling act behind the scenes, is so limiting and I'm so tired of it. Literally, I'm way too tired way too much of the time. I'm also flummoxed that there's been any mental energy left over to have build a life. Well, not really a life, something that's sort of...life-like.

We've gotten an inkling lately of how much energy it's taken to maintain all the dissociative framework. We've discovered and begun working with a team of two who've been busy -- for decades -- pushing various other alters to the front in order to avoid internal stress and triggers that we hosts on the surface have been not even 1% aware of. We're experiencing more and more how so much energy has been devoured by all that that we're not sure how the heck we're going to manage to come up with new things to do.

Sarandipity wrote:

MakersDozn wrote:Hi Batcho and Fortune,

Our answer here is the same as in the other What If thread. We have no desire to fuse.

MDs

This one is more about an either or. Or a how far would you go to know the trauma that created this disorder and set off who you are today.

Would you rather know your trauma? That's what this one is at its heart and how far would you prepared to go to get there? Would you give up the DID to know the truth? Or would you keep the DID and maybe never get to know because therapy is hit and miss.

No, we would rather not know any more about our trauma than what is absolutely necessary to heal. We define healing as functioning and growing in a healthy way, which for us doesn't necessarily mean "giving up [being multiple]." The trauma is what we've been through; being multiple is who we are.

We hope this answer is more in line with what you asked.

MDs

Sarandipity wrote:Would you use that machine or tablet that realigns the brain?

No, because I trust my brain, my mind and my system to do what's needed when it's needed, and I want things to go at their own pace.

Until now, some aspects of our traumas have been hidden or kept away thanks to dissociation. Few months ago, as an alter started to trust us more and came closer, those aspects became less avoidable for this alter, and the rest of the system discovered it through his flashbacks. It was very, very hard. If we weren't that experienced in managing flashback and trauma-related stuff, it would have been even harder. But we handled it like we always do, as a team. And we're working on it as a team too.

It's a scary event we went through together, which allowed us to understand ourselves better and to grow more close and empathetic to each other.
If I had discovered that few years ago, when I was searching for evidences about all the things I couldn't remember because not knowing seemed scarier than traumas, it would only have been a catastrophe. Our system wasn't a team back at this time, we were barely able to help each other (comparing to what we're able to do now). Knowing about those aspects of our traumas at this time would have only led us to be re-traumatized.

Not knowing allow us to function. DID allow us to function. And okay, it's not that great, we're way under the level of "normal" people, but I know it would be worst if we weren't a system, and we don't want to lose our current ability to function.
Letting things going at their own pace, dealing with them slowly, allow us to progress without losing our ability to function for too long.

So yeah, now we don't want to speed up things or to know everything. We trust our brain, our mind and our system about all of this. Things will be revealed when we will be able to hear them. This idea was scary at first, but now we trust ourselves and our ability to face our memories together, it's kind of reassuring.

Sarandipity wrote:Another what if: what if you could cut out or go past all the DID and alters - that's not a problem anymore, it's sorted. There's a tablet or a machine that integrates you to the best possible version of yourself.

But you know all the trauma that happened to you and you could go into therapy able to just process trauma. How would that be?

Would you use that machine or tablet that realigns the brain?

if there be a machine that can makes my alters all goes back together and be one I be doing it already yes I be doing it if there be such a thing