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No-one

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No-one

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Jan 14, 2020 12:30 pm

I'm making a post about No-one because as much as I'm glad she's back around and it wasn't right her being with the OL for so long she can be a liability.

She's adrenaline junkie. That's the main issue. Not like me, likes a theme park ride or drive a bit fast but a "I'm going to f up my life, hit rock bottom, do what I like" adrenaline junkie. She likes to see what she can get away with and grass herself up. She doesn't grass up others, she only likes to f herself up.

It's like the criminals dilemma - you get caught alone it's just your word. You get caught with an accomplice and it's their word too. She likes to get caught alone plus..

You know the theory about criminals. Some are career criminals. Some are just in it for the thrill. The thrill ones are the liability. They like the blame so they can say "I did this" That's No-one and she takes it to every level of life. It's not about low self esteem or liking to be persecuted or punished. It's the thrill of looking people in the eye and saying "I done this. What are you gonna do about it"

Which personally I would rather either not do something or not get caught. If she was an outside person I'd avoid doing anything with her. Not because she's a grass but because she will get off on that thrill. The thing is, that she doesn't seem to grasp, is there isn't anything a person could do short of killing us that hasn't pretty much been done. Maybe she does grasp that. Maybe it's that she gets off on, the finding out about that person. It's like testing them.

When she was away I had two really good friends. We all did. Why were we friends with them? Because they were like No-one. They would deliberately push peoples limits for no other reason than to see their reaction. It's ok in an outside person, if you're keeping yourself out of it. It's kind of cute and a bit endearing and sometimes funny. It was to us anyway. But when that person is inside you, in a body with you, it's more of a problem.

Remember when we didn't do our homework and she'd just look the teacher in the eye and cut all the crap and say "I haven't done it" so we had to bunk school to do homework that didn't get done because she was getting high. Well that's basically the situation we're back at.

It's ok keeping a part out of the system but when they come back they're gonna be exactly the same. She hasn't had therapy we had, she hasn't lived with responsibility. She sees life is ok but she doesn't care because she only cares about where the limit is. Hitting those limits won't help her. Remember in detention and she just saw it as good. She likes being locked up - no responsibility plus you're already locked up so now what they gonna do. Even when they beat her at 19 she kept getting back up and spitting in their faces.

So I guess she needs to learn she doesn't have to push limits. She needs to learn the world is basically safe and finding those limits isn't necessary because mostly they're set out and pretty straight forward and people are not going to react the way our parents reacted to stuff in twisted f'd up manner - generally speaking - plus they can't because they don't have that power because we're not a child in their care.

This was to the system but if anyone has any tips on how to deal with a part like our No-one then I'd appreciate it.

Thanks,

Paul
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No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
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Re: No-one

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:41 pm

Wanted to add. At the appointment today, me and No-one did it. No-one said "I was given a medication at age 19. The side effects caused me to walk on the sides of my feet for weeks. I didn't know there was a side effect medication. I saw a foot doctor and that doctor said the nerve damage was permanent and my feet would have no feeling for the rest of my life. I have feeling but now I'm in pain everyday" So that solves what's wrong with our feet. The feet problem started when No-one came back so that's why, nerve damage from medication they gave her.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Re: No-one

Postby SystemFlo » Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:40 am

Theoretically, she's probably living in constant fight or flight stage, which is about nervous system being mixed up, google and read about that.

Psychologically she's living in a paradox. You write long messages as well, which is why I tell an example about having tendencies to do stuff, and how to respond to them appropriate ways.

My sister has a son, and her son has big emotions. He's loving and caring and likes to be cuddled, but he also has tendency to get angry big time. That was easy to see in him, when he grew up, when he was something from a 2 year old up. When he was really little, like 2-4 year old, telling him to not do something worked basically like you would've asked him to do the thing. He could not resist, and he did basically everything that was forbidden. He lives in safe environment, in normal family, where there is no violence or bad authority figures, no reason to act up other than having big emotions.

One time we were in amusement park kind of thing whole day, and ate there something in a restaurant. He decided he wants something, that he was not gonna get in there in that moment. So he says "then I'll push the table over and you can't stop me". My sister works in CPS, and she knew how to handle that kind of behavior in that kind of child, who wants to fight and is looking for a fight, because he's frustrated. And she tells him he is right, he can push the table over, it's not hard thing to do. Is that a way to get what he wants is the question. He insists it is, but doesn't touch the table. My sister does not continue yes/no conversation with him, but we move on to do other things, he's little and easily distracted to think something else, because threatening with table did not work. It never worked, which is why he stopped doing things like that.

He could've also be born to a family where parents let their children set the mood. Child says "I will break this chair" and adult will say no you don't, and they end up in physical fight, because child is doing all he can to get to break it and learn there what? That breaking furniture is the way to 1. get attention and 2. way to win an adult and 3. physical fight is good way to deal with frustration, and 4. he can make adults do it when ever he wants by threatening to do something they will be annoyed about. My sister's son never had a change to learn that breaking things would be way to win, so he learned self control instead. It payed off. When he grew up, he stopped being violent and threatening with violent things.

No-one is no kid, she has trauma and her behavior is a pattern already, I'm not claiming you could do same thing with her, that was not the reason for the story.

The reason is in basics. The thrill is in getting to win an authority. No-one wants to fight things to proof herself she can win authorities and nothing can stop her. Well she's right, nothing can, now she has proofed it. Now what? She's still fighting, imagining there's an enemy, an authority to fight, when in reality there isn't any. She was not locked up, because society wants to fight her. That happens because we need laws, and some people do take care of those who can't stop themselves from breaking things, because they're payed to do so. Nobody gives a $#%^ about her fights. The sad truth is she is fighting against invisible enemy, that's only inside her head, and not real.

Her way of thinking is a paradox, because her claim is nothing can stop her, and still she acts like there would be authorities to fight. She tries to make anyone into being someone who wants to fight her. Intellectually that does not make any sense, so how is she explaining that to herself? There is no authorities to her, but she still fights them. How exactly is that possible?

She has not been out of fight or flight, which is why she doesn't know how to deal with freedom. Now she lives based on opinions of her imagined enemies. Does she know what to do if there aren't any enemies, or does she need them in order to keep on going, because without them, nothing in her life would not make sense, and she can't deal with that?

I would think she's also scared to death of having someone close to her. It would mean she has things to lose, and she knows most dangerous enemy is the one who has nothing to lose. She wants to be the one who has nothing to lose. That may look like selfishness, but it's a way to protect yourself, as is putting yourself in dangerous situations, so you'd have nothing to lose like that either. We get that, Fourteen thinks too that hope is the most cruel thing there is. As long as you have hope, people can take things away from you. After hope is gone, you don't care anymore. We do have an ex child soldier in the system too, who wanted therapy to get his violent outbursts into control, but doesn't wanna see himself as a victim of anything, but keep his soldier identity, like it's not trauma that was done to him, but something he earned and paid huge prize of. Without that, nothing in his life would make any sense. It would be pointless, because it would mean he suffered for nothing.

She could do what she actually wants to, get her parents into jail and tell them she did it. Now she thinks all people are her parents and keeps on trying to win them, when that's nowhere near reality. In reality she's acting like her parents instead, using innocent people to get thrills, just because they can't stop her. But that is what being in fight or flight means, that you're unable to see the reality and how there's a whole world of other things you can do and other ways to react, the kind that match with all, who you are, how you feel and the reality.
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Sami M 16 (15-26) system manager, defender
Lucas M 16 balancer, socializer, self care
Leon M 4
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder, DID (ca 20 parts age 3-16):
- random M teen
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Re: No-one

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Jan 15, 2020 7:50 pm

Thanks For. Everything you're saying makes really good sense. It's helpful to have an outside perspective.

When she first came back was only a short while before hospital. When we came out of hospital we under alsorts of attack from the "parents" It was very bad, even the nursing staff in the hospital realised how bad it was and we were protected in the hospital from their calls and the doctor also ignored them. But when we came out of hospital we had no luxury of that protection. No-one wanted to leave the children with their father, move to the coast so the parents didn't know where she was and go through the police action from there, safe.

We couldn't allow that as a system to abandon the children. So none of that happened. But that was, and she said it in the words you used, because if she had nothing to loose (the children, our home, the job we had, people around us we know) then we would be in a more powerful position.

With the job it's basically the same. This job she actually really likes and enjoys. We realised she's never had a job before. As a teen we had part time jobs but No-one didn't do them, she was shoplifting or taking drugs or going around in stolen cars.

She loves the job. She hated our old job. So she has something to loose.

What made her worse, we realised, was two things. One internal and one external. The external thing was managers coming to check the place, not the managers but everyone else panicking. Her perspective was "omg they're all panicking and we haven't done anything wrong so we're going to get in trouble for nothing" which didn't make sense, reminded her of childhood and she did a couple of stupid mistakes because then getting in trouble makes sense. Which is probably why she acted out. It's probably why Paul did things as a child, didn't get caught. It's winning in a different way.

Paul realised she needed support and encouragement so on the way to work he was saying "it's gonna be ok. You're doing well" and No-one nearly cried because someone was being nice. Then they both saw the humour of that because does it count when it's in your own head?

The internal thing is the twins handing everything over to a person she doesn't know she doesn't trust it. Other parts either know the person/part, don't care because it's nothing to do with them and some know nothing about it - Karen for example is completely protected again at the moment. The twins don't have time because they're helping Karen and fragments. So No-one isn't trusting the situation internally.

She feels like she's walking a tightrope with no net inside and out (which is fight or flight if you don't stay calm).

With this other managers there she likes it. They are on top of everything and everyone. Where everyone else gets stressed their presence makes her feel safer. She knows if she's doing ok or not. One of them even said to her "you like us here because we keep out of trouble" others are stressed, she's happy. It's a safety thing I think. She doesn't feel like there's no net. I think Paul sorting it out yesterday helped too because although the twins are busy once Paul realised what she'd done he corrected it so again she felt safer, internally safer because Paul is there internally too. He told her "loose the job, whatever" in the end because he realised that took pressure off and encouraged her instead of getting annoyed.

Your point is valid, it's the having nothing to loose need and the winning. With No-one it's combined with wanting to feel that strong boundary too though to feel safer because she likes these bosses there. There's been no labelled boss there which I think led to the who's keeping me in line here? And also uncertainty which causes anxiety. And then trigger of other staff expecting to be in trouble when as far as they and she knew they did nothing wrong. Once they label a permanent boss or hire a new one I think she'll be ok.

Thanks Flor. That was very inciteful and very helpful.

(Message formed from a few different parts)
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Posts: 1541
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:35 am
Blog: View Blog (2)


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