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Deeper meaning of sexuality inside the system

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Deeper meaning of sexuality inside the system

Postby SystemFlo » Sat Jan 04, 2020 4:41 pm

This is something I realized some time ago, but kind of avoided thinking about it the way Lucas could hear, to not hurt him. Because it would've sounded way worse than it is, kind of, I think. So, now I'm asking do you have anything like this or does someone have an idea why, or what it's about.

There's no trigger warnings, I just talk about relationships. I wrote sexuality, because, I don't know, maybe it could've been romance too. I don't know is there any difference to the parts I'm thinking about.

It used to look to me like everything somehow revolves around Fourteen, for a long time it looked like that. It's true to some point, he needs most work, protection, most time I guess from other parts. And it looked even more like that when I realized dynamics between Sami and Fourteen are not how you'd think they are, because Fourteen is so traumatized and Sami is so strong. It's Fourteen who does things and he can't be .. I don't know, saying controlled sounds bad, because Sami doesn't try to control anyone, he lets people make their own mistakes to grow and learn and he kind of tries to make himself not needed anymore, which I think is pretty advanced level co-operation. But in a way he is very strong and he has a lot of power, but with Fourteen it's different. Fourteen is kind of like a force of nature, he's anything any time and switches so rapidly, you never know who he's gonna be and how he's gonna react. Sami has learned what is healthy in Fourteen and what's not and knows how to react based on that. But it's basically Fourteen being something and other parts reacting, he feels kind of uncontrollable.

Then I realized more things and saw how that's not the only force of nature in the system, and system doesn't revolve around him as much as I thought. I just didn't link things to each other before. But basically it seems to be a thing, that "all" parts have sexual/romantic relationship with Sami at some point. It's kind of a thing that just is how it is and it just happens that way. Why? I have no clue, that's why I'm asking.

Sami is important he's outside defender/protector, and the thing is for parts who are or are going to be active in outside world, they go thru phase when they are with Sami. And after it's done, they can go separate ways again, and Sami will go back to Fourteen, because of what? Fourteen needs him most, he needs most time and protection and everything, maybe?

It also seems to be, that when other male parts are close to Sami, they get gayer. When they're not close to him, they can go straight. That's true with Ferro, he once was with Sami, but when they broke up he recreated himself and has been straight since that. I don't think they'll ever be back together again, their relationship was violent and it was hard for both of them. That's why they now get along and are allies, but not friends, not close, but able to unite if there's big $#%^ to deal with. Now Ferro is not close to Sami, he is straight.

Fourteen has been with Sami most of the time I've been aware they exist. Now they weren't for awhile and Fourteen was 11 for some time. I remember writing down I didn't realize before that he's mostly straight too, all the littles and tweens really are into girls, they act traumatic ways, but that's different than their sexual orientation. But now Fourteen is close to Sami again, and there's several teens are attracted and it's not a trauma thing.

Lucas came to the system being bi, mostly straight, he was with Sami, now they aren't a thing anymore. I don't know how he will be after he comes out next time, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's fully straight and all there was for guys in him, was there to able the relationship with Sami. Because for some reason it's important thing to happen. Or maybe he'll be bi or bi-curious, but chooses not to act on it anyway. I can't know, we will see, it's kind of what I'm expecting because he was so close to being straight also when he was with Sami.

Is it just a thing that makes them close? Sami is not easy to get close with, I kind of can see how that's the only way for him to really let anyone so close to him, they'd be able to hurt him. But he does that when he is with someone. But why? Just because Sami is that way, is it about him, or is it a bigger thing, is there a reason why he is like that, why things are like that, why it's so important to date inside the system to make things work.

I don't mind that's how things are, but thinking we are all in one brain what does it tell about us? I don't think Sami controls it anyway, but how can I know. But I don't think he decides just like that, hey you there, you're gonna be gayer now. It just happens around him.

Do other systems have behavioral patterns like this, even if not exactly same kind? Are there things all do at some point to achieve something? What and how it works. Have you found out what it is about, what's it about if you think the big picture, the whole system and past and how you function?

Is there some kind of deeper meaning or hidden agenda in relationships in your system? Or are they just about separate parts? Have you ever thought about them from system point of view, what whole system gains, how whole system functions?

I kind of think that inside everything symbolizes something else, than what it looks like. But we get easily distracted by how it looks like to us, and miss the big picture. And I think that's how it's suppose to be too, in the end DID is all about hiding and safety. So I always ask how does this link with safety. What can this hide, is there another meaning to this or is it distract all the way, so you don't see what's somewhere else because you only see this now.
Flor F main front
Sami M 16 (15-26) system manager, defender
Lucas M 16 balancer, socializer, self care
Leon M 4
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder, DID (ca 20 parts age 3-16):
- random M teen
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Re: Deeper meaning of sexuality inside the system

Postby Littlecub7 » Thu Jan 09, 2020 3:45 am

Hi, I occasionally post on here when I see an unanswered post. It's been a few days so here's my two cents.
I would like to say first that this is my own personal experience and may only be true to me, so take it with a pinch of salt. An alter in our system was always "experimenting" on us trying to figure is out.
Long story short, she came to the conclusions that we are like a camophlage, we adapt to the place we find ourselves in each alter has a cultural conformaty rate.

I'm just gonna let her write she is getting insufferable.

Different alters would either conform or reject the norm of where they find themselves. I don't like using terms like straight, bi or gay. They are not applicable in the same way. Humans don't change sexualities based on their culture like my kin did for me. If you put one of us in these scenarios. Heterosexual leaning, homosexual leaning, heterophobic or homophobic. They always changed along the same lines, they conformed or rejected on the first two and the second two at identical rates. There sexualities changed from gay to straight or visa versa dependent on the culture not the individuals preference. Seems odd until you grasp that it's a coping mechanism allowing you to more effectively adapt to adverse situations. You conform to the new reality escaping negative repercussions, for the most part anyway.
As for you, if being attracted to Sami has become the norm, and for Sami having others view them this way is the norm. Then that has become the cultural standard, they will conform and reject just the same as any other label.
Feel free to ask any other questions
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Re: Deeper meaning of sexuality inside the system

Postby MeMyselfMaureen » Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:15 pm

Not quite the same but kinda.

Mo changes gender to reflect the over all system ballence out front.

When it was just the 2 of us she was female. And Maureen

Then the 2 littles came along and she was androgynous (presumably because the littles have not reached puberty) And Mo.

Now Mo has Boobs up top and a Cock down below so I guess that's intersex? Or mid surgery trans - except she doesn't feel uncomfortable so I don't think its trans.

I suspect if another male came to the fore she wold become Moe as apposed to Mo.

Mo is a protector like sami so i don't know if sexuality/gender is part of the protectors weaponry? Mo doesn't do relationships.
Grace (host) Mo (protector) Peter (child) Elspeth (child) Midnight (unkown) Shadow (fragment, grief holder, toddler) Aegipan (goatbeing - the ultimate solution) Christopher (faith, caretaker)
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Re: Deeper meaning of sexuality inside the system

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Jan 10, 2020 11:13 am

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:Now Mo has Boobs up top and a Cock down below so I guess that's intersex? Or mid surgery trans - except she doesn't feel uncomfortable so I don't think its trans.

One can be trans AND comfortable in having such a body ;) It depends on the person. Uriel is a trans guy who is very comfortable with no bottom surgery, as long as other people use the proper pronoun for him. I'm nonbinary/genderfluid, and I make do with the body I have. I'm not uncomfortable as long as I can change the way I dress / present using clothes and makeup, and as long as people don't spend their time denying my identity because of my anatomy.

Anyway. Our system has a lot of queer people in it. Most are cis, though I'm emby/genderfluid, and Envy is agender (even though using he/him pronouns), and Uriel is a trans guy. Some are on the ace spectrum, including two aro/ace, a few are heterosexual, one is heteroflexible, one is homoflexible, we've a few who are bi/pan... Some are in an exclusive relationship, some are polyamorous... We also have a drag queen. Though, people seem to get queer-er when around David. Or maybe it's just an impression.

Maybe we are very queer because our autistic brain just does not know how to process the whole gender and orientation thing.

******TW mention of abuse******

Also, a lot of people have abused us in the past so we might be torn between PTSD, desires, and that submission abuse victims develop in order to avoid being abused even more. So we all develop our own strategies. Or maybe I'm over-reading into it?

******TW ends******

Anyway, we are the way we are. A whole pride parade mashed into one single system. And I like it, this diversity. The freedom of being whoever we are.

Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

Journey thread
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Re: Deeper meaning of sexuality inside the system

Postby ZodiacDragon » Tue Jan 14, 2020 8:24 pm

Relationships for us are normal. Neko and I have a few one off things with eachother in the inner world, but nothing romantic. Anime has a somewhat romantic yet not thing going on with Alex (basically a lot of platonic cuddling).

As for gender, we have changed gender a lot over the years and we can pretty much trace each instance to a specific mental change/growth that is attatched to it. I was originally female (why I have a female name) but changed to male when we started suspecting being trans.
Kuroneko was originally female, but very quickly changed to male and Koneko split (then later fusing into current Kuroneko) when puberty began.
Flair was originally MtF-trans, but is now non-binary/androgynous due to our depression getting easier to manage.
And Saggita chose to change from female to male to line up with our progress towars physical transition.
- Akane
Depression, Anxiety, Dyslexia, Gender Dysphoria, DID

Alex - Host, Human, 22, FtM, Pan
Sarabi - Opossum, 21, F, Pan
Akane - Anthro wolfdog, 21, M, Pan
Saggita - Dragon, ???, M, Demi-Pan
Anime - Dragon, 2100+, Agender, Demi-Pan
Neko - Human-nekomata mix, 945, M, Gay
Flair - Pegasus-dragon mix, 2000+, NB, Pan
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