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Sea creatures

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Sea creatures

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Jan 03, 2020 9:40 am

Sea creatures are awake in me. Which is actually ok. They aren't bothering me and I don't know how else to describe them. Something is killing my writing mood and the first thought was "the bf is brainwashing me in my sleep" which isn't the first time I thought that I just remembered. I thought it last time shortly before the twins woke up. They have been asleep since hospital.

Somebody brainwashing you in your sleep is a very unlikely and paranoid idea which says to me in a logical way it's more likely the twins are waking up because they are paranoid - about everything thing.

My second thought was "Ockham's Razor" which I knew I know but I couldn't remember so I googled it. When I read it I realised I usually paraphrase it and never knew it's actual direct translation. I always thought it was, sorry I have to Google it again: "the most simplest solution is most likely the right one" but it's actual direct translation is: "entities should not be multiplied without necessity"

The twins favourite thing to say is "simple problems. Simple solutions" I know that, which comes from the paraphrasing of Ockham's Razor.

So the sea creatures. They are largely placid but have crossed knives. They feel like guardians but I don't know what of.

Before I woke up I was dreaming about a large stately home that had visitors. The bf owned it in the dream. A car chase started to happen and I knew the people who were having the car chase, they are real outside people I know, the car chase was going through straight through the stately home. One of the drivers is a person I know who is in prison at the moment so I don't know what that symbolises. I told them to take the car chase elsewhere because the house belonged to the bf. Then I went to the shop of this stately home and shortly after that I woke up and growled and could feel the sea creatures.

The dream, the paranoia and possibly the sea creatures has taken me out of writing mode so I need to get back into that although I think that's Beth that gets us into that mode and she's just not awake yet.

So Ockham's Razor, "entities should not be multiplied without necessity" and I feel under some kind of attack which is most likely imagined because I was asleep and being brainwashed is very unlikely. The sea creatures can't say much so they aren't much help and really I need them to go back internal because it feels like they're camping out in the body right now gaurding something. But the giant gaurd it I just thought so whatever they're gaurding is not a risk if the giant isn't here. And this is crazyness.

Relating to real life I woke up with less hatred towards my father. Which isn't unusual, my emotions and doubts vary daily but it is annoying me. It feels like someone put the less hatred there and it's not my emotion. That's why it's annoying me.


Shadow selves:

I was worried so I called for Beth. She was being chased by a blob monster. I shouted stop and they stopped and Beth hid behind me. It was in a blackness, no scenary. I stripped the blob monster and it was a child. I told the child to play nicely and called Paul. Paul came but Beth said "that's not Paul" I stopped him taking the child. The twins then we're there and Beth said "yeah that's the twins" All the sea creatures were sitting in a row and were actually the fragment children. Except they all seemed ok, clean (usually they are muddy and terrified), basically ok and sitting crossed legged like a school assembly. Male and female. I said "if that's not you then who is it" to Paul. Paul said "shodow self" the shadow self said "I'm everything he is" darkly. The twins were saying to the fragments "what do you do if someone wants to talk to you" and they said "send the shadow selves" Their shadow selves were standing to the left of me, the fragment children sitting to the right. The shadow selves hold the memory and darkness of what happened to them. Beth was concerned of them causing her to be depressed again but the twins said she has a job so that's not happening. They said the shadows being spoken to would cause me upset but I'm actually ok with it because I know a couple of fragment memories and I feel like I ought to know them and sort of would rather be upset by the truth than live in a sweet lie at this point.

Basically the twins made the fragments ok by seperation them from the bad stuff and now the bad stuff is their shadow self. It's a psychology term I know of, that people have a shodow - a part of them they suppress, that holds their darkness and supressed desires. So in the case of the fragments their shadow selves are bad memory - what they are if they weren't seperated from them. Paul's shadow is the violent part of or him. They can join to their shadow whenever they want, they can put the shadow Infront of them whenever they need. The twins had been with Karen, she was a fully functional part but got traumatized by memory barriers breaking. I asked if she's ok and the twins said yes. I asked about the giant but they weren't talking about the giant and just laughed.

So I suppose if single people can have shadow selves all my parts can.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Re: Sea creatures

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:22 pm

I read some about Ockham's Razor and I think I know why I woke up thinking about it now.

Bertrum Russel put it like this: (I feel like I know who that is but at the same time have no idea who that is so I'm googling him next)

"whenever possible substitute constructions out of known entities for inferences of unknown entities"

which applies to what the twins have done to the fragments and to Paul, I don't know if they have done it to anyone else but I think they are not doing that to Karen and they can't do it to No-one because No-one knowing what happened to her at 19 is an integral part of who she is. To her it made her previous actions and emotions make sense, I'm not sure when No-one was first born but I know it was as a child and I think she comes from Fortune, one of the twins. Paul also isn't seperated from memory only from the violence of himself, his sadistic self which I know sometimes he is in touch with because he says and thinks sadistic stuff but he can pick it up and put it down and he doesn't miss it as a part of himself when he's angry he can connect enough to it to feel it but be detached enough from it that it doesn't consume him.

I don't know the twins motives for this, for this creation or birth of Shadows of the fragments. The fragments are better for it but I do not know the purpose or idea behind it or why. The fragments are still just fragments and the shadows are still here, it hasn't destroyed or made less the fragments or their memories. In a way it's made the fragments more whole to seperate them, they are not stuck acting out or reliving trauma.

The twins instruction to them is important but I'm not sure why. When someone wants to talk to them they send their shadow. The blob monster one was trying to eat Beth. That is not good. At the same time doesn't seem possible a fragment could eat Beth because consciousness wise Beth has a much bigger consciousness than a fragment. The fragments not interacting and sending their shadows is probably to stop what the twins and the OL call "outside contamination" so sending the only outside part of themselves, their shadow, which is already contaminated by the outside makes sense by their logic. I kind of agree. Those fragments are better off inside than out here. When I called Paul his shadow came, which says to me that's a standard response from parts with a shadow that they are taught or told to do when called. Paul only showed up when Beth said that's not Paul and the twins were there.

No-one keeps reminding me she suspects the twins were using the fragments for something. But that sounds like internal stuff or dynamics of how the system works. Like how the OL made constructs of whispers and lightbringers to do jobs like wake up parts or put them to sleep and to tell him what's happening outside. Apparently he's deconstructed them all and is pealing an Apple on his planet listening by his own means because people laughed at his constructs. No-one said "he still has them, he's such a liar" She spent alot of time there so she can easily look. The OL is just a little boy, maybe odd and very powerful in this system but still a little boy but then somebody said how do you know he's not a very intricate persona of the illusive part - which is possible and that the persona of having many personas is the persona of the illusive part. This is when getting sense out of anyone becomes impossible, the twins and the OL hide behind confusion, riddles and misdirection. Too much engaging with them can cause psychosis so I'm gonna stop.

I was rereading this and the twins said "No-one was born and stretched back through time taking Karen's negative traits as she reached and from that point she went forward with them" So at least I get where no-one came from now, from constantly being told that I'm nothing by my father, I'm nothing, no-one, nobody cares about me. And Karen had that but fractioned it off and eventually that fragment became No-one. Which concerns me from the point of view that now all these fragments could grow into alters, the consciousness could grow. I personally think it'd be better if they fused or integrated with eachother into one alter but I dunno if that works. I'm gonna Google that guy now and forget about this.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
Consumer 6
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Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 11:45 pm
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Re: Sea creatures

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Jan 04, 2020 12:21 am

I finished my day as I started it. Reading this about Ockham's Razor. Which locks the day. Creates a loop. Sets the system, the twins are saying, to whatever they were upto when I woke up to Ockham's Razor.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Posts: 1541
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 11:45 pm
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Re: Sea creatures

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Jan 04, 2020 9:52 am

Last night again I thought I was being brainwashed in my sleep but again that's ridiculous.

Then I had this dream and cards were being dealt out and I wasn't getting fair cards. I woke up this morning thinking, not thinking - knowing - I don't have a fair hand at life. Which before my feeling was a mixture of denial that I do have fair hand and also my dad always cheated at cards (or any game) so if you (I) didn't have a fair hand then it was your own fault for being so stupid as to get cheated against. This echoes through my life because firstly I liked to live mostly in denial that I'm absolutely fine and secondly won't claim any sort of disability even though I've had breaks from reality from the age of 18 (when I was drugged and assaulted by someone I thought was a friend). So after this dream I woke up knowing that I don't have a fair hand and it's ok to claim disability because of it.

Then I thought about it in a broader sense. Somebody like Boris Johnson, for example, had all the opportunity in the world of private schools and connections and money but somebody like the homeless man I sometimes talk to had none of those opportunities. So this realisation although I logically knew this didn't sink into my mind knowing it, feeling it until when I woke up this morning because of this dream.

I'm crying but I feel sort of freer because of it. I feel like I don't have to keep playing the card game knowing I have a bum hand but not saying anything about it and playing anyway.

I will apply for disability help but I say that now but when it comes to it will I? But at least for now I'm at peace with the knowing and emotional feeling of "I was dealt a bum hand and it's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of and ok to admit it to others" I feel freer by it even though I'm crying. It's like a sort of relief to simply realise it.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Posts: 1541
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 11:45 pm
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Re: Sea creatures

Postby SystemFlo » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:50 pm

It's great realization. Simply because it's about facing real realities, and not about being able to be as manipulative as bad people were. You can use your abilities to play games for good purposes. You can tell what's manipulative as well as we do, and are able to call things with their real names. I think that's how to use the ability to play games, by not playing them, but being able to tell when someone tries to play you or someone else.

It's what we try to do anyway.
Flor F main front
Sami M 16 (15-26) system manager, defender
Lucas M 16 balancer, socializer, self care
Leon M 4
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder, DID (ca 20 parts age 3-16):
- random M teen
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