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Handling Grief (TW? I don't know...)

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Handling Grief (TW? I don't know...)

Postby Skaya » Thu Jan 02, 2020 7:37 pm

Hi everyone, hope you're doing well.

We've got an odd situation here. Our cat is very unwell. Not absolutely doomed by any stretch, but definitely not well, and needs several operations with no guarantee of success.

Problem here, is, our littles are responding extremely badly to potentially losing our cat. We had a full dissociative seizure on this issue as Angel, who usually copes with system stress, completely overloaded at the prospect of losing our cat.

Now obv, we're all very upset. So's Lex (our SO). It's very hard on Lex when our littles break down over something that hasn't actually happened yet; she's a strong person, but seizures are pretty terrible on her and particular over something she's quite stressed about too.

So my question is kinda twofold: 1) any advice on how to help littles with confronting the potential of grief, and 2) does anybody know any ways to help manage Lex in this time, when she's also really worried but having to deal with us at our most volatile.

Thanks everybody.
Em (26, f, host), Jen (19, f) Echo (4, f) Angel (9, f), Vivian (36, f), Jacob (13, m), Xavier (?, m), Oliver (?, m), Lily (f, 4-6), Lilith (f, ?), Michael (m, 26) Heather (?, f). SO Lex (f) may be mentioned.
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Re: Handling Grief (TW? I don't know...)

Postby Amythyst » Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:16 pm

Hey Skaya,

*** trigger warning, death of pet ***

We sorta went thru this a while back. I think about a year & a half ago. We lost our cat who'd been with us for like 18 years. She wasn't the 1st cat we've had to say goodbye to, but it was the first time it had happened since we realized we were a system.

We had 2 other cats we'd adopted the year before, so the older one wasn't our only cat. We hadn't planned it like that, the plan actually was not to get any more cats till after the old one was gone, but tbh I think it helped our littles a *lot* that it wasn't our only cat who we had to say goodbye to.

We're not suggesting to rush out and get another / more cats tho, especially not when the first one is unwell cos that's really stressful for everyone. We jsut got lucky with timing & stuff, our cat wasnt sick when the other 2 showed up.

The other thing that worked for us was, being open & honest & communicating everything. When we could tell the old one was getting bad & starting to struggle & stuff, there was alot of talking it thru and stuff. Inside, outside, & even talking to the cat herself.

After she was gone we kinda all handled the grief separately in our own ways, but still it was important to listen & communicate. Our littles grieved in their own way, V1 & V2 were handling most stuff then & they let the littles deal with things the way they wanted, but were there to help and support them.

We ended up adopting another cat a few days later, and that was a group decision too - we all went to the shelter and met some cats & stuff, then sat down in their lobby and had a system meeting to talk through if we wanted to do it or not, etc.

I know sometimes it feels 'wrong' to like rush out and adopt a replacement, when it feels like you haven't even finished letting go, but for us it was the right decision. Dealing with feelings of alot of parts, many who are young, and that's what we needed to get thru it all.

Good luck & we hope that whatever happens, it isn't too hard on any of you, including your SO and your kitty.

*** end trigger warning ***


:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Theres a My Little Pony episode that we watched when our old kitty died. Maybe your littles would like it too. Its called Tanks For The Memories. Viola helped me look it up its season 5 episode 5.

Theres a song that Rainbow Dash sings that we sang alot cos its about saying goodbye.

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Em(22f); Melissa(7f); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
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