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Consequences of pushing too hard (Trigger Warning)

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Consequences of pushing too hard (Trigger Warning)

Postby SeveralCrows » Thu Jan 02, 2020 10:21 am

Just pulled a classic spending so long writing a post that you get logged out before posting it. This is a rewritten version of that:

We woke up to an alter having suicide ideation and strong desire to hurt the body, including actively hitting the body. Another alter was co-fronting and crying and saying they didn't want those things to the first alter. It took half an hour to get the first soothed enough to stop, another hour to feel like the self-danger has subsided for the time being.

This was after spending more time than intended last night with a previously emotionally abusive family member we are trying to fix relationship with. We forget how much this hurts some parts, and while we saw this person we dissociated a lot. We have already been dissociating more than usual recently due to stress from anticipating our new job. The job is in our old field and we're out of practice, and fear of not being able to do it causes dissociation which makes us unable to practice the skills involved. We are at capacity on stress from that, and other stuff keeps happening to push past our limits. We can set more boundaries with family of origin, but that doesn't solve the problem of being at capacity.

Does anyone have experience going back to work, especially in a highly technical position? Any advice for managing self-fulfilling fear of not being able to do the job due to dissociation cutting off access to skills or clouding the brain? I don't want to walk away from this job. I want to be able to do this work again and the pay would allow me to gain independence from another harmful part of family and set up a safer life.
32F Human Body - Dx'd System of 22+ parts.
Main front is undergoing some changes. Please stand by.
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Re: Consequences of pushing too hard (Trigger Warning)

Postby SeveralCrows » Thu Jan 02, 2020 11:31 am

This is about building resilience. We built enough to apply for work, to do several interviews, and we're able to do this. They know what we can do from the interview process and our resume and past projects, and it's expected that we'll learn skills on the job. I know we can do the job and can get back up to speed quickly as needed.

This is electric crow now, but previously Front forgot that we had a really hard, productive session on Tuesday and b.crow is having a really hard time recently unrelated to any external events or stresses. Another in system has been struggling due to traumaversary and weather triggers.

Our system needs to work on a way of communicating how close we are to capacity and what ongoing stresses are happening individually and collectively so we know not to push harder.

electric crow
32F Human Body - Dx'd System of 22+ parts.
Main front is undergoing some changes. Please stand by.
User avatar
SeveralCrows
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 197
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2018 12:12 am
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 5:47 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


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