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New Year's Resolutions for your system???

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New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby KitMcDaydream » Wed Jan 01, 2020 2:15 pm

so moving on from the progress made so far this year... we (as a system) have decided:

* to work on the bodies physical fitness in the hope to maintain independence as the body ages. (so we can at least get ourselves up and dressed etc without needing carers to come in and hopefully in the future walk further outdoors)

* 'Deaf Thea has been reinvented (now we understand the autism/hearing/auditory processing issue fully) so she can step in and help us deal with the social visits from 'Maddie's friend', (after all Thea actually met her first many years ago at uni before the body needed a wheelchair and became 'Maddie') giving Maddie a choice to not come out if its only for an hour or two social visit she doesn't want or doesn't feel she can deal with and giving 'Thea'...(who now wishes to be known as Jodie by the rest of the system and on here) opportunity to be up front again. She and Kit worked really well together for many years without even realising so we're hoping they can do it again and help the entire system move forwards this year.

* we're trying to work on Kit doing more 'real world things', such as engaging in hobbies and people in the real world more or things that need doing around the house (it really needs redecorating!) rather than just coming out to 'get lost in fantasy' or play on video games/exercise.

* continue to work on 'stretching the parameters' of what real life people believe this physical body (as they see it) can do by introducing some issues as being 'intermittant' (ie depending on outside temps such as arthritis allowing us more or less mobility), so other alters wanting to go out 'up front' aren't severely restricted to what the outside world believes 'Maddie' can do. We also hope this will help Maddie adapt and not be so rigid in her view of what she can and cannot do physically when she does 'come out' again in future.

* introduce the concept of a 'change of personality' (to real life people) but without revealing DID, possibly focusing on the menopause as an explanation and just 'feeling different' etc ..so whoever's up front doesn't have to worry about mimicking 'Maddie's behaviour/personality EXACTLY...hopefully giving the whole system more freedom to come out and 'be themselves' more. (depending who else is present in the real world ie just a workman/shop assistants, a pub/restaurant we've never visited before etc whose never met us before and probably won't again or someone who knew us as a 'specific character'... this will hopefully help the system feel less panicky about 'going out' and enjoying life and more social events again.

*giving 'the littles' more opportunity to come out and express themselves more or experience co-hosting with an adult, as we feel they maybe the key to everyone viewing things in a 'more flexible way' and being able to move forwards.

so overall we're hoping to make the whole system 'more flexible' more like it used to be in our younger years, before we got tied down by medical diagnosis and what they meant and certain alters getting stuck in the past with what they could only do at one specific point in time(ie living in the past).

Anyone else got any goals for this year?

Sioux (speaking for the system - for today at least while everyone sorts themselves out!) :wink: :D
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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby Zor » Wed Jan 01, 2020 4:56 pm

We want to get better communication, cooperation, and coordination...

We also hope to help educate and raise awareness about DID...

We hope to help destigmatize mental illness in general.

We hope to gain more acceptance and tolerance in our external life so we can be less hidden and feel less scared and/or ashamed b/c of how OTHER PEOPLE react. To gain that confidence to be who we are (even if that DOES mean keeping it concealed in general) and live that better than we've been able to.

And, of course, work on processing the trauma and pain individually for all our sake collectively.
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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby Amythyst » Wed Jan 01, 2020 5:54 pm

We didn't do any resolutions. System-wise or individual.

We figure, system-wide stuff, we're doing what we're doing already. Like, we got goals & a plan for physical health, and we got goals for mental health & we're doing the therapy stuff. Repeating those goals just cos the calendar changed, won't get us there any quicker.

And individual stuff... our system's had so much like change or churn or turnover or whatever, its like, who knows if I'll even still be here in a month, so why set up long-term goals that might just get abandoned or whatever.

That doesn't mean we're like, giving up or being depressed or whatever. More like, just taking life a day at a time and enjoying what we've got.

We know we gotta start worrying about some other stuff soon, like maybe finding a partime job or whatever, but that's harder to get our head around cos we dunno what we're capable of, like what our abilities are and stuff, and if we're stable enuf to actually do stuff like that. We've been lucky to work from home so far but that work is getting smaller every year & we're really close to a point where its not gonna keep us going. :(

Making a 'resolution' or not doesn't change it either way, we gotta do what we gotta do, so it didn't seem to matter about any new years stuff or whatever. :?

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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby birdsong87 » Wed Jan 01, 2020 5:54 pm

be angry and be loud.
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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby Amythyst » Wed Jan 01, 2020 5:56 pm

birdsong87 wrote:be angry and be loud.

Yeah! We like this! :D

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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed Jan 01, 2020 7:42 pm

I guess we want to keep going with our current goals of getting better at listening to each other and understanding each other's feelings. One thing we've noticed over the past few weeks is that if we take the time before an event to really let other express their concerns, or worries, or distaste for what we're planning to do, then the actual event goes pretty well, and the ones who want to be there doing it are more free to enjoy themselves.

We had a good time at our party last night. Talked to friends that we don't see very often (some of them only once a year at this party!), felt comfortable with how we looked and what we said. And I think a lot of that has to do with having taken time to listen to each other before the party. We're also better able to take in that people like us--they're not pretending to enjoy talking with us, they really do. They aren't politely laughing at funny things we say--they really find them funny. We're better able to look people in the eye, and that means we can see the genuinely positive feelings there.

So we just want to keep building on these steps, and remember the progress in a more continuous way, without getting stuck in despair as often.
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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby Muninn » Wed Jan 01, 2020 8:29 pm

Only a new years resolution by accident (because we came to this resolution around new year, not because of it):

* Finding a flat
* Listening more to those who feel hurt and take them serious
* Ditch our therapist, because he is of no use
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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:52 am

We got a list of stuff we want to do over the course of the year. Not really "resolutions" but more like "goals for the year". Dunno if the difference makes sense though?

Some work goals (amount of projects to be done this year, what projects, what steps to take...), health goals (reaching and maintaining a 25%/75% fat/muscle in the body), and crafts goals (completing an in-progress one, making and completing another).
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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby KitMcDaydream » Fri Jan 03, 2020 9:08 am

I find some kind of list of things that I need to get through is useful otherwise I reach the end of the year and nothing has been done again (such as redecorating!).

Of course sometimes its not entirely my fault things got delayed as I've had to wait longer for other workmen to get back to me and they never have or family never got round to helping cos they were always away, another family emergency cropped up that was more important etc and some things I just can't physically manage on my own!

At the minute I'm at the mercy of engineers etc getting back to me with a date and hoping they can fit me in before the snow comes here so can at least have the boiler/radiators done before the end of January, then can move onto hopefully setting a date for the painting to be done! Other things will be have to fitted in around this throughout the year, but hoping we've made some kind of progress by the summer on the redecorating front!

The other 'system stuff' doesn't have a particular date to aim for other than I'd HOPE to have made progress on that front by the end of this year regardless of how far we've got with the physical needs of the property or any other family events/emergencies cropping up throughout the year! But some stuff can affect the systems overall goals (ie a death in the family could set us back emotionally and re-trigger the depression, the physical body have further health difficulties which could re-trigger Maddie back up front and in the state she believed she could do very little again so we'd get no-where etc).

Hopefully having at least one goal per month and moving forward in tiny steps would mean I could look back at the end of the year and realise that 'Yeah actually, we did quite well this year!' :D
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Re: New Year's Resolutions for your system???

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Jan 03, 2020 10:35 am

We take Halloween to be the New Year or Chinese New Year to be the New Year. We do something for the Romans made up new year - watch fireworks - but more than that we see as unnecessary.

Halloween and Chinese New Year are based on seasonal changes and calculations. We do not feel the Roman calender is based enough on either to follow it in spirit. Our overall spirit therefore follows a Druid based calendar but we respect the Chinese in their calculations as their new year falls at another constillational point of the natural calendar. They are in a different part of the world so that is why and there maths reflects that.

I really don't want to say the above but the twins are insisting on sharing it.

So I'd like to wish you all a happy new year and much luck in your resolutions and somebody said "may the force be with you" I hate star wars. Anyway much luck.
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