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the aura of negativity in the front of the house

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the aura of negativity in the front of the house

Postby myce » Wed Jan 01, 2020 6:47 am

Aggressive/avoidant on the forum. Aggressive/avoidant, two sides of a coin. Gentler insiders have indicated to me twice that the environment at the front of the house is intolerably negative. A little named Unicorn shoved me out of her inner world, saying "Get out! Get out!" as it looked like the Nothing from The Never Ending Story was about to wreck her castle. It's just because of who we are with our feelings and memories.

If you haven't seen the Never Ending Story, it's a great kids' movie that seems to have been made for people with DID or anyone with emotional pain. It was a book but I only saw the movie. Someone mentioned it here before. In this story a little boy is dealing with trauma from the loss of his mother and bullies at school. His dad is not very supportive and tells him to get his head of the clouds.

The boy hid in a bookstore when he was running from the bullies and found a magical book. The world of Fantasia in the book was threatened by a force of annihilation called the Nothing. It swept the land and voided everything it touched. It represents the loss of dreams and imagination. In the end the boy had to realize that he could influence and create Fantasia in order to save them and also deal with the bullies.

Unicorn said, "The fronts think it's about dream logic but it's real." She also says, "Me and the girl in the blue volcano got dissociated because I want to go live at Castleen (the inner world) but she just wants to go home."

We're having some issues with contamination management. Aggressive/avoidant because I fear the Nothing, annihilation. The Nothing destroys worlds. It destroyed me. I have an unknown number of terrified littles who are afraid of the abuser stalking me inside of my brain. I'm not even sure what that means but it's what they say. I'm kind of in a double bind because the front's already messed up with the Nothing, and these kids are worse off. How can I help them without endangering the rest of the system? It would seem I have to find a creative solution but I'm really out of my depth. They are allowed to have DID. They are allowed to create inner worlds where they feel safe.
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Re: the aura of negativity in the front of the house

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Jan 01, 2020 1:19 pm

I relate to this. Since the crisis and hospilisation and Paul bringing up fragment memory I have this fear of loosing the twins stories. I started to write them, they feel like they have been with my forever, but temporarily stopped to stabilise life - get a part time job so I also had time to write.

But I feel like there is something inside that is a threat to those stories. To be descriptive, it feels like a devil is creeping trying to steal them and they could somehow pass them outside of myself without me writing them. Which on the one hand sounds crazy but on the other hand feels possible.

It feels like if I write their stories then I own them, once they're written nobody can take them. But that happened before when I started to write a book and my father threw the computer away that I was writing on without my knowledge or consent and I stopped writing and that story became lost and dead. It was a about a woman who's husband went missing and a fisherman who turned up at her house to say he knew where her husband was but she needed to go to sea with him. My father knew I was writing a book on that computer. So now I keep the stories in at least triplicate so if somebody destroys one format of it I have others.

Still it feels like there's an inner threat to the stories creeping around as you describe. I don't feel like it's a threat to inner worlds but it feels like a threat to my creative expression of the stories two mostly inner world parts have created and told to other parts many many times.

When you said inner abuser that struck a chord with me also. I must have one, I logically know, but haven't found a part that I would categorically say is this. And I'm now thinking that perhaps it is the inner abuser that I am yet to find who is a threat to me finishing the books.

I don't know what to suggest but I will try to think about it and if I think of anything I'll let you know.
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