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Being drawn towards triggering things?

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Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby Amythyst » Sun Dec 29, 2019 11:48 am

Does anyone know about or experience anything where you're pulled or drawn towards stuff that's triggering?

We've started to realize this happens to us, sometimes. We don't know how much or how long but we recognized it recently and its been bothering us since then.

Viola was reading a story, fiction, and we didn't realize at first but it was triggering us. It wasn't till she was about 10 chapters into it that we finally clued in. But then we couldn't stop reading. We wanted to! We knew we should put it down and stop. But we couldn't.

It wasn't till another few chapters that something else came up and we were forced to stop reading. And then it was almost like relief, that something had 'intervened' and freed us from reading. We also realized at that point that we'd been dissociating... that we'd basically lost half of a day where nothing else existed but the story that was triggering us so badly.

Except we couldn't leave it alone. For the next week or so we desperately tried to forget about it, but there were nightmares and it kept popping up in our thoughts during the day. Finally we thought, we'd read the last couple chapters, so the story would be 'ended' and hopefully that would free us.

The end wasn't satisfying though, it was just more triggering and sort of a 'to be continued' kind of situation. Like set-up for a sequel... but at least we've stopped having nightmares about it, for now.

So, since we realized this, we're feeling like this has happened to us in the past. That we get somehow pulled into things like this, but we can't really remember any specifics. Just the strong feeling that this is a pattern or something.

Wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this, like getting triggered and then getting stuck or drawn back to the triggering thing so you can't let it go or escape it.

team Amythyst
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Em(22f); Melissa(7f); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
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Re: Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby Skaya » Sun Dec 29, 2019 12:19 pm

Absolutely yes. And certain members of the system are more prone to it than others - Em and I are often drawn to things that are very triggering, esp for Jacob. I personally reckon it's partly (in our case) because we don't get triggered as badly, and so have some degree of interest in what's causing an adverse reaction. Em is also completely devoid of a lot of memories, so I can understand wanting to work out what about it is triggering.

But equally - we sometimes pursue things that are deeply triggering for everybody and we've never been able to work out why either. It sometimes takes intervention from our SO (Lex) to force us to stop, as she'll figure out that we're heavily dissociated and/or in the early stages of a seizure and realise we've got stuck in a rabbit hole we can't get ourselves out of.

So tl;dr, I totally get it, and we're very similar, and have no idea why either. Jen.
Em (26, f, host), Jen (19, f) Echo (4, f) Angel (9, f), Vivian (36, f), Jacob (13, m), Xavier (?, m), Oliver (?, m), Lily (f, 4-6), Lilith (f, ?), Michael (m, 26) Heather (?, f). SO Lex (f) may be mentioned.
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Re: Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun Dec 29, 2019 12:38 pm

//il happens here too. we tend to interpret it as the result of gaslighting. //

//gaslighting causes one to doubt one's own traumatic experiences. being triggered brings the proof that the traumatic experiences really happened - if they did not, one would not be triggered so.//

//the ones of us who did not go through gaslight are not drawn towards triggering themselves. the gaslighted ones, are drawn towards it.//

//Ulysses//
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

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He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby birdsong87 » Sun Dec 29, 2019 12:39 pm

there is a theory that survivors sometimes have an 'addiction' to survival.
when we experienced bad stuff we had a rush of adrenalin in our blood stream. it also gets released when we face new survival situations or get triggered.
the theory is that when we lived in survival most of our life, our bodies got used to the adrenalin and having it is our new 'normal', so not having it feels wrong. it makes people seek danger, tricky relationships, self-harming behaviors of any kinds, including piercings or tattoos actually. and triggers.
basically, not having to survive (having the adrenalin rush) feels unbearable so we create our own adrenalin situations.
you could try and observe your impulses. they often move from one strategy to the next. so the first impulse might be self-harm. when you don't give in you might move to a more acceptable form of that, if you don't do that you might seek triggers.
the problem is that this strategy leads to deep fatigue.
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Re: Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby Amythyst » Sun Dec 29, 2019 9:49 pm

Thanks for the replies!

Jen, Ulysses, sorry your systems experience this stuff too. :(

birdsong, yeah we were trying to avoid calling it like an 'addiction' but with that example we gave, it really did feel like it. Its been really difficult and that story in particular is still like haunting us or whatever... like it kinda hit several different triggers instead of just one thing. But we still can't get it outta our head. :(


birdsong87 wrote:so the first impulse might be self-harm. when you don't give in you might move to a more acceptable form of that, if you don't do that you might seek triggers.

That bit especially feels like, scarily accurate. :( And what you said about like, piercing & tattoos etc... I can totally see that in us and like, not making those connections. :(

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Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Em(22f); Melissa(7f); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
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Re: Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby birdsong87 » Sun Dec 29, 2019 10:50 pm

I am sorry this is still stuck in your mind. did you try any containment exercise with it?
you know, they call it 'addiction' to make sure people understand that adrenalin is a substance the body got used to and seems to need/crave now. it is not a judgement. this is what happens and you are not alone.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby Amythyst » Mon Dec 30, 2019 1:19 am

Thanks again birdsong.

Yeah we tried, or I tried, doing a containment thing on it before. I think maybe other parts might be bringing it back out again. I just tried doing it again, kinda visualized rounding up all the stray bits n pieces of it that were scattered around, and put it away again.

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Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Em(22f); Melissa(7f); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
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Re: Being drawn towards triggering things?

Postby KingsleyHere » Wed Jan 01, 2020 4:31 am

Not sure this is the same thing but...... We went thru a period where certain ones seemed to be seeking out triggers. It was during a time when we were making great strides in therapy. Learning to recognize problems early and having tools to deal with them and a T to walk us thru. What better? Lot of work but recovery!

Then seemed to be seeking triggers. Turned out to be two things:1. Parts whose triggers had not been addressed coming forward 2. More comfortable in the trigger environment than *working* recovery. In a way, was good. We slowed down, paid attention to who & what was being affected. They don't all come along at the same pace. Even if the same issue, the nuisances were different. Then there were entirely different issues. Took it as they wanted to get well too.
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