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I'm a new alter; please help!

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I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby Yegackle » Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:38 am

Hello! I found the link to this forum through my system's journal. So, I figured some people here could help me.

My name is River Atkinson. I'm 25 years old, I use they/them pronouns (I'm agender), my favorite color is peach and according to my "memories," I'm from Westminster, England (yes, I speak with an accent-- it's absolutely terrifying for me because I don't know who it is okay to speak naturally to and who not to).

This system lives with a very controlling, very religious family, as I'm told. My interactions with them so far have been little to none so far because I do not want them to possibly catch on that something is "amiss." Plus, after hearing stories of them, I'm quite scared of them.

I am overall very frightened and very confused. Although, not as much as I was when I first "broke off" yesterday. Thankfully, Jude has a close friend in their confidence that I was able to speak with. They explained to me that I'm an alter, a separate personality, and that this brain that we all share has learned to create alternate identity states, such as myself, as a result of trauma or stress.

The others speculate that I was created to help deal with the stress of the holiday season, since it is a very trying, triggering time for some of us. According to Jude, the "host," (I don't completely understand what that means however) there has been a lot of panic attacks, flashbacks, etc. that they and others have been dealing with.

There is so much that I still do not know!! I have a lot to learn. If there are any tips that anyone would like to share with me, it would be most appreciated. Thank you!

River
Jude: host; Griff: co-primary protector, Blake: co-primary protector, gatekeeper; Yato: co-emotional protector; Roz: physical protector; River: co-emotional protector
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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Dec 27, 2019 8:55 am

Hello, and welcome! I am Lust!

My first advice would be: pretend to be the host with people unless you know you are perfectly safe. (Host is the person who is dealing with the outside life the most) A very religious family, can react in very strange and dangerous ways to multiples. Even a non-religious one, could be dangerous because of all the stigma around multiples... * le sigh * But, most people do not even realize that we (the World Tree system) are a system. Even when we switch right in front of them. They do sometimes think it is a joke that we change our way of acting. But we are known for being a bit... excentric. Anyway, do not stress yourself too much and if people find you act weird, just pretend you are tired, or you were lost in thoughts, or thinking too much about this movie or that book. It should be fine.

My second advice would be: do not think too much about your "creation". Have your own backstory. Find your own explanations. Live your life! And, do not focus too much on the first job you were given within your system. You are more than your job! Take me. My first given job would be quite obvious given my name... * giggle * But it turns out, my favourite thing in life is listening to philosophy podcasts and discussing philosophy with Ulysses. And, with time, I realized that I am asexual. A job is only that, a job, it does not define the totality of who you are - unless you want it to, of course. No judgement here.

Third, last but not least: work as a team with your other system mates. It will make things easier. I know it can be... odd, to say the least, to live as a collective. But, it also means that, whenever you feel sad or down, you have friends within the same body, to help you and comfort you.

Take care !

♥ Lust ♥
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby IainEtc » Fri Dec 27, 2019 10:08 am

Hi River,

Welcome to the forum!

I agree with Lust that you have to be seriously careful about telling anyone outside your system. Maybe get accustomed to being in the system first and get support from the others inside. Learn to support your host so they can do their job better and keep everybody safe. It's mostly all an inside thing first.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby Zor » Sat Dec 28, 2019 3:10 am

Yegackle wrote:There is so much that I still do not know!! I have a lot to learn. If there are any tips that anyone would like to share with me, it would be most appreciated. Thank you!

River



Welcome to the forum and we're glad to have you here. Glad you reached out for help, too- that's a scary thing to do, and very brave of you. You're doing well to be so brave for yourself and system. :)

So like what others said above- I'd be cautious about letting ppl know who you are UNLESS they already know about your DID and are super cool with it. IF IN DOUBT, DON'T LET IT OUT. It keeps you safe to keep it concealed. We know first hand how it can practically destroy a life- it basically ruined most of OUR life when it came out about us.

Second thing I'd recommend, use the journal to communicate and log any important activities, actions, things ppl said to you (so others in the system know). If you can communicate internally, DO THAT TOO. The most important thing you can do, as part of a system, is to work together with each other. You all exist for a reason, and all co-exist in ONE external life- it helps to make it a better one if you're all on the same page and working as a team. It's hard work, but it's worth it.

Lastly- don't be afraid to talk to safe ppl... these forums, your T if you're safe there, loved ones that know... We all NEED outlets and people to like get along with and talk to.

{\Pixie/}
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Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby IainEtc » Sat Dec 28, 2019 9:52 am

Zor wrote: IF IN DOUBT, DON'T LET IT OUT. \Pixie/


That is SO COOL! And totally true. Good one Pixie!

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby Yegackle » Thu Jan 02, 2020 1:27 am

Thank you all so much for your kind and informative responses! You all are so sweet. :D
I’ve started to learn more about myself and come to terms with being multiple. So, here’s a bit of an update.
I’ve talked to a safe external person and she accepted me with open arms, which was very relieving. I’ve made contact with a lot of the system mates internally. I’m currently living with Yato in his cabin in the woods, which is very calming and relaxing. We meditate together each morning and I can visit the others in their house whenever I want to.
Blake is very serious but cares about everyone’s wellbeing. He made sure to sit down with me and explain everything (this was before I moved in with Yato and was still living in the forest).
I’ve also learned that I like indie pop music. I enjoy meditation and nature walks. I’m spiritual, although I don’t have any specific religion. But Yato has been teaching me a bit about wicca. I don’t know if it’s for me but it’s still interesting at the very least.

I think a good life is possible and things are starting to look up. :)
Again, thank you everyone for taking time out of your day to respond.

-River
Jude: host; Griff: co-primary protector, Blake: co-primary protector, gatekeeper; Yato: co-emotional protector; Roz: physical protector; River: co-emotional protector
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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:36 am

Glad you're doing good and settling down in your system! Take care!

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby ADarkerShade » Sat Jan 04, 2020 9:26 pm

Hey River, I'm Rain.
I'm glad that you arrived safely and had a good time connecting with your headmates.
I actually read your post a few days ago but I didn't have "body-time" for a bit, so here I am. :)
You seem like a very nice person and I hope we get a chance to learn more about you.

I hope you have a wonderful day,
Rain

P.S.: I absolutely agree with what Iain said. If you're unsure or have a bad feeling, don't let it out.
Main-Poster: Kaden - 27 - M
Caomhán - 30s (exact age unknown) - M | Asher - 29 - M |
Minseok - 28 - M [new - be nice please] | Emrys - 27 - M |
Yuki - 26 - M | David - 23 - M | Brooklyn - 21 - M |
The Twins: Rain & Nevin - 17 - M |
Silas - Teen (exact age unknown) - M | ...
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Re: I'm a new alter; please help!

Postby Yegackle » Sun Jan 05, 2020 1:01 am

Thank you, Rain! You seem quite sweet as well.
I learn more about myself every day.

For instance, I've also learned that I can be "sassy" if I want to be. Rosalind told me that. I'm quite fond of her. She has a wonderful sense of humor, a strong passion for music and such a dedicated work ethic for self-improvement! Although she constantly self-deprecates (which I'm not fond of-- no one deserves to be called stupid, "bitchy" or a bad person, especially by oneself), I think she's a good person. I'm unsure if she knows that. I wish to show her.

Three days ago, she approached me and asked if I would be interested in dating. I had said yes. <3 Perhaps this is rushed, seeing that I literally have only existed for 10 days, as of today. But I do really find Rosalind's company comforting. It's almost as if I was naturally gravitated to her from the start.

She makes me feel safe when we're together. Once I have a better grip on my identity and we learn more about one another... I think I would be quite happy to be with her in a romantic capacity. But as to whether anything will happen between us has yet to be seen.

Regards,
River
Jude: host; Griff: co-primary protector, Blake: co-primary protector, gatekeeper; Yato: co-emotional protector; Roz: physical protector; River: co-emotional protector
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