Our partner

Internal driving force towards goals

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: Violarules, Johnny-Jack

Internal driving force towards goals

Postby Sarandipity » Mon Dec 23, 2019 7:32 pm

Does anyone have this type of thing? I've had it many times with different things but this is the latest one.

"we HAVE to write the books we started" that's the driving force.

I'll think "maybe I could take full time shop work, it's not as tiring and mentally taxing as what we were doing before, it'd be ok" the reply "we have to write the books"

I'll think "maybe I could start working for myself again while I do the part time job" the reply "we have to write the books"

I'll contemplate mildly about going back to what we were doing before, the reply "WE HAVE TO WRITE THE BOOKS"

It's kind of like I have no choice. I'm looking forward to writing them, whether they're successful or not, the twins do tell good stories, how well they transfer to paper I have to find out properly when they're finished but what they have written so far seems ok, I better say good. It does seem good but I feel like I'm blowing my own trumpet to say that even though they're the twins stories and a couple of other alters stories not mine.

When you do things, work or college or learn a hobby etc, is it like you have to do it because the system is driving it?

It's how I've done pretty much everything I've done, because I HAVE to. Alot of the time, it's like the books and something I'd like to do anyway but it seems self indulgent and I try to avoid it but I can't because I HAVE to. The system has decided, it's what we're all working towards and it fits timing wise (the past HAVE TOs have always fitted timing wise and with life too) and I wondered if anyone else's system works in a similar "driving force" way (best term I can think of). I can't change it, I don't think I want to because it's always worked out for the best in the past so no reason to doubt it but I wondered if anyone else has similar?
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1541
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 10:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Internal driving force towards goals

Postby Amythyst » Tue Dec 24, 2019 12:15 am

Hey Sarandipity,

Yeah we've had similar stuff in our system. Even before we knew we were a system, like previous host would have strange powerful compulsions & stuff. We kinda think of it now as like, inside influence or whatever.

I dunno if our experiences are stuff as big or like long-lasting as writing books or whatever. But there have been hobbies and stuff like that, where we're like, consumed or whatever. Like ot the point of not even being able to sleep at times, we just have no choice but to read & learn & study & whatever, till we've mastered whatever it was.

Like, there'd be some goal or target or whatever. Some kinda 'finish line'. Once that was hit, the compulsion / passion evaporated & whatever it was, was over. This happened like several times. We've forgotten half the stuff that we've been compelled to do or learn or whatever.

And even the stuff we do remember that we did it, we've forgotten or lost the skill or whatever. Or just let it go stale from not doing it? Like, I'm sure that stuff is probably still buried in there somewhere lol. But even the interest is gone so there's no desire to try again or whatever.

Viola
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Em(22f); Melissa(7f); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey ThreadThe Team
User avatar
Amythyst
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2906
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:14 am
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 5:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Internal driving force towards goals

Postby ArbreMonde » Tue Dec 24, 2019 7:55 am

//Zami is the one feeling this kind of thing the most. like, their will focuses on something and they are unable to diverge from it. they read it as an autistic trait, though it is found in other neurotypes too. (but they are Dx autistic so, autism for them it is)//

//it also goes for everyday things. they sometimes are unable to do a needed task, because their will is focused on something else that they cannot diverge from. in this type of situation, being a system, with different drives for different people, proves useful.//

//...under the condition that we manage to push Zami aside, because when they get stuck in something, they are not easy to move from front...//

//Ulysses//
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 268
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 11:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Internal driving force towards goals

Postby IainEtc » Tue Dec 24, 2019 11:32 am

Hi,

Sometimes somebody inside just HAS to do something but then before they finish somebody else HAS to do something different. So we have a lot of half-finished stuff around. We like short projects that we can finish before somebody else needs something.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
User avatar
IainEtc
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4066
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2014 6:34 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 5:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Internal driving force towards goals

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Dec 26, 2019 2:49 am

Thanks everyone. I noticed since this post there's so much I put as "have to" even the simplest thing. Even down to this: I'll be cold and not care but then something or someone compels me and I "have to" go get a jumper.

With goals we used to not finish them too Ianetc but that changed after the therapy we had ten years ago. Like Viola said it reaches an end point. I never usually know where the end point is, like when the twins were investigating religion, that seemed it would never end. We used to start qualifications and not finish them but we finished the last two since therapy. We found a job that used both. Then crisis and we dropped it to write books. Nobody is seeing that as failure somehow, they worked a couple of years doing it, can still do it as a hobby so now we're writing books. I knew where the end goal was, where we would work when I first started the second qualification, nobody at that charity appreciated the first qualification, the whole place was badly organised and people were in jobs they didn't do and weren't qualified for so we decided like rats to bail, not our life's mission I guess. So we feel ok about it, we did what we set out to do, gave it our best shot, didn't like the whole thing so we jumped ship. It was a positive decision rather than a quitting half way through.

Which makes me wonder overall if the therapy put this in me, "I have to look after myself" as a general thing because it does run through pretty much everything. "I have to get a jumper" because I can be passively self harming, gave myself mild hypothermia once. "I have to write books" because it's enriching to me as a whole person. The charity job was enriching but what we realised was we naturally help people. We can do what we got enrichment from on our lunch break or even just in chatting to customers where we work now, yeah we have qualifications but they were used only to what we call passing stranger standards not to a level we were willing to do and therefore won't devote our time and energy. The stress of such a poorly run organisation was damaging to us too.

The HAVE to stuff though is through our day everyday. Didn't realize till I wrote this and realised how often I think and say "I have to" Sometimes it's even I don't really want to sit down but then "I have to" I think it's how I look after myself, I didn't have much care as a child. I had alot of rules to a certain age but then there was no rules and it was too young to have no rules. So left to my own devices I don't care about putting a jumper on or sitting down because it was never an act of care from my parents it was things like social stuff not care for me as a human being. So since therapy the care I've managed to give myself comes from "HAVE TO" like it's a rule and I'll suffer somehow if I don't. I wonder if I can learn to actually care about myself.

Thanks again guys.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1541
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 10:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: Internal driving force towards goals

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Dec 27, 2019 10:30 am

Hum, a suggestion if I may?

How about moving from "I HAVE to" and using "I WANT to" instead? ...

♥ Lust ♥
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 268
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 25, 2020 11:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: LearningToo and 48 guests