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what have you learned about your system this year?

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what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sun Dec 22, 2019 10:43 am

I was thinking after writing the post about xmas presents that I feel more like an 'I" at the end of this year than I did at the beginning of it.

I feel I understand 'me' more as a person but also from a medical viewpoint of the condition/disability (referring specifically to DID here) but also how other things I have (like the autism) affect how it presents and my understanding of it. I feel I've actually come 'a long way' in that respect from where I was at the beginning of this year.

I feel in my own way I've come to an understanding of how different 'parts' of me can have different needs but it's also helped in a wider sense of understanding from other people's viewpoint's. (eg why they may feel I let them down rather than only seeing at as they let me down and never understanding why, other than on really simplistic terms) so I feel my mission in trying to get my head round the DID and understanding where the different alters came from as actually resulted in helping me to understand other people's motivations in the wider world. - which has always been a huge challenge for me as an autistic person.

What do you think you have learned from 'having a system', that maybe you wouldn't have learnt quite the same if you hadn't had DID?

Kit
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby IainEtc » Sun Dec 22, 2019 10:51 am

Hi,

We had to switch Ts this year and that was hard. But we learned that we can be ok even with someone new. We didn't fall apart or anything bad. It was sad but we learned we can be pretty sad and not do anything stupid. Now we feel more like a team and not so dependent on Ts.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby Dwelt » Sun Dec 22, 2019 11:35 am

KitMcDaydream wrote: so I feel my mission in trying to get my head round the DID and understanding where the different alters came from as actually resulted in helping me to understand other people's motivations in the wider world.


I can relate to this so much.

We went into studying psychology because we wanted to help the others, to give what we lacked when we went to see all of those "professionals" (as a teacher we met said : "I became a psychologist because I didn't trust psychology" :roll: ), but as the years passed, I've noticed that learning to accept each other, to show compassion, understanding to each other, and to try to help each other taught us more valuable lessons than classes.
I mean, theory is important to understand what's going on, but it's not everything, and experiencing it is really different.

Acceptance, patience, tolerance, compassion, and also boundaries, knowing your limits and the importance of clear rules ; theory doesn't teach you that.
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sun Dec 22, 2019 11:48 am

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

We had to switch Ts this year and that was hard. But we learned that we can be ok even with someone new. We didn't fall apart or anything bad. It was sad but we learned we can be pretty sad and not do anything stupid. Now we feel more like a team and not so dependent on Ts.

Iain


Thats good Iain. I can also see how my alters merge to work together as a team and present an 'I' to the outside world. I guess what I meant when I said I felt more like an 'I' was I feel less fragmented when I have to 'put on the social persona' and deal with people.

At the beginning of the year it felt like the system was falling apart and parts/alters just weren't coming together properly anymore to present a more coherent sense of a single person for the outside world to see (as one personality within a single body). It felt like a huge difference between what the outside world saw as me and what I knew was within. I don't know if some of it was 'mid life crisis' type emotions that are typical for most anyway, but every part felt very very disconnected from each other.

They seem to have learnt to come together and work better as a team once again (like years ago before I even realised I had DID) to present as a relatively 'normal' older person to the outside world. Giving a stronger sense of 'I' and 'me' to deal with daily life better.
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sun Dec 22, 2019 12:01 pm

Dwelt wrote:
KitMcDaydream wrote: so I feel my mission in trying to get my head round the DID and understanding where the different alters came from as actually resulted in helping me to understand other people's motivations in the wider world.


I can relate to this so much.

We went into studying psychology because we wanted to help the others, to give what we lacked when we went to see all of those "professionals" (as a teacher we met said : "I became a psychologist because I didn't trust psychology" :roll: ), but as the years passed, I've noticed that learning to accept each other, to show compassion, understanding to each other, and to try to help each other taught us more valuable lessons than classes.
I mean, theory is important to understand what's going on, but it's not everything, and experiencing it is really different.

Acceptance, patience, tolerance, compassion, and also boundaries, knowing your limits and the importance of clear rules ; theory doesn't teach you that.


Yes this too was important as despite a vivid imagination from some parts, ironically we still struggled to 'see things from other people's point of view'. Although as a system combining we could pull off enough 'social skills' to at least appear to understand and pass as 'normal'. (I wasn't even diagnosed with autism until my late twenties probably due to the intense 'social masking' I managed to pull off by being different persona's - as I understood it at the time).

After research it seems this is common amongst autistic adults (even without DID) that they lose their ability 'to mask' as efficiently as they age and it becomes more and more exhausting with them needing more and more 'alone time' to recharge between events. This was possibly the point I was beginning to realise my 'social masks' were much more than just masks
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby IainEtc » Sun Dec 22, 2019 12:02 pm

Hi,

That happened to us too. It used to be easier for Host to act like we didn't exist so he could look like a 'responsible adult'. Then we did some therapy and felt like it was all coming apart. Host got super nervous. Finally we got strong as a team so we work together to get things done. We don't need a strong 'I' because we have a strong 'We'. People don't need to know how we do it - we've just got it figured out.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby Amythyst » Sun Dec 22, 2019 12:29 pm

This is a good question / good thread! :)

Things changed alot for us over the year, & we've learned alot.

We met 4 or 5 new alters this year, & learned more about how we all formed / got created / whatever. Like not always specific moments or whatever, but big-picture stuff.

We learned / accepted that our family cannot / will not provide emotional support, so we've stopped looking for that from them. Its made things easier, dealing with them.

We've got alot better at cooperating with each other. Maybe abit better with communicating too, tho its harder to say for sure.

Arin grew up & joined our 'front person team' in January, she put alot of work into getting us all to cooperate and coordinate and stuff together, but then she had problems & made herself go dormant for the safety of the system.

V1 came back & is now having the kinda role in our system she enjoys best.

Kate went through a bunch of changes over the year before finally finding a place for herself so she could be happy & not hurt the rest of us.

I went through a big change that let me become happy & stop hurting us too.

I *think* we've stopped thinking of our current situation as like, a temporary thing? Like our "DID crisis", I think we've stopped treating it as something that'll 'get better' or 'go away', and accepted that this is 'the rest of our life'.

I think thats a good thing cos it means we're actually thinking about the rest of our life now instead of like, treating this as a mental vacation or whatever? I'm maybe not saying it right, but I don't mean it like in a 'giving up' kinda way, but in a 'ok stop goofing off' kinda way.

Like, not saying we've been goofing off for 2 years but like, we let alot of other things get worse cos it was like, "ok fix the mental health stuff then we'll go and deal with the other stuff after." Only if the mental health stuff never ends, there's no after and the other stuff never gets looked at. So by acccepting this is life now, we gotta look after the other stuff now too, cos its all just part of life?

Yeah probably not explaining it right. Its a good thing tho. :?

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Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Em(22f); Melissa(7f); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey ThreadThe Team
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sun Dec 22, 2019 2:11 pm

Amythyst wrote:This is a good question / good thread! :)

Things changed alot for us over the year, & we've learned alot.

We met 4 or 5 new alters this year, & learned more about how we all formed / got created / whatever. Like not always specific moments or whatever, but big-picture stuff.

We learned / accepted that our family cannot / will not provide emotional support, so we've stopped looking for that from them. Its made things easier, dealing with them.

We've got alot better at cooperating with each other. Maybe abit better with communicating too, tho its harder to say for sure.

Arin grew up & joined our 'front person team' in January, she put alot of work into getting us all to cooperate and coordinate and stuff together, but then she had problems & made herself go dormant for the safety of the system.

V1 came back & is now having the kinda role in our system she enjoys best.

Kate went through a bunch of changes over the year before finally finding a place for herself so she could be happy & not hurt the rest of us.

I went through a big change that let me become happy & stop hurting us too.

I *think* we've stopped thinking of our current situation as like, a temporary thing? Like our "DID crisis", I think we've stopped treating it as something that'll 'get better' or 'go away', and accepted that this is 'the rest of our life'.

I think thats a good thing cos it means we're actually thinking about the rest of our life now instead of like, treating this as a mental vacation or whatever? I'm maybe not saying it right, but I don't mean it like in a 'giving up' kinda way, but in a 'ok stop goofing off' kinda way.

Like, not saying we've been goofing off for 2 years but like, we let alot of other things get worse cos it was like, "ok fix the mental health stuff then we'll go and deal with the other stuff after." Only if the mental health stuff never ends, there's no after and the other stuff never gets looked at. So by acccepting this is life now, we gotta look after the other stuff now too, cos its all just part of life?

Yeah probably not explaining it right. Its a good thing tho. :?

Viola



Yes, we have also seen differences in individual alters. We have managed to give Maddie a full 6 months break from fronting by avoiding appts with anyone/thing that would have specifically required her to front. As a result the entire systems 'emotional health' seems to have improved and everyone seems happier in general.

The bodies physical health has improved as the alters up front have been able to stay up front daily for such an extended time to really make a difference to the body's physical fitness. The ones who front more often now seem to have got more confident after living only on the inside for years or only out when no other people were around at all, by merging together.

The system overall feels more hopeful for the future, inspired by stories of much older people who have managed to learn new skills and improve their physical ability much later in life (such as 70 yr old weight lifters/marathon runners etc - not that we're expecting to get that fit! but hopeful of being able to build up how far we can walk outside in future years).

We're still getting mood swings (though they seem less severe and less frequent) and some physical symptoms get worse over the winter now the body has arthritis to deal with also, (Jan/Feb is usually worst when we have freezing temps, snow/ice) but overall the intense level of depression previously experienced when Maddie was last up front, seems to have eased off considerably and we seem 'happier overall' despite any pain/stiffness present.

Hoping we've made as much progress again by this time next time and 2020 is a good year for us! Hope it is for everyone else on here too!

Kit & gang
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby birdsong87 » Sun Dec 22, 2019 3:28 pm

not exactly about the system but in general
I think we finally understood the real importance of orientation and grounding
like orienting the ###$ out of every situation
and getting everyone involved
we've had better results with that than with years of other exercises.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
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Re: what have you learned about your system this year?

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun Dec 22, 2019 7:17 pm

We are learning to work as a team rather than just being in "survival mode". It is improvement.

We also learnt a lot about everybody's boundaries, how to switch to give Zami (our host) a rest when needed. We still need to learn to do that in the situations triggering Zami to go into trauma-mode (basically, locking themself in front to keep us from being hurt). Trauma-mode is not needed anymore. We are no longer trapped without exit when stressful situations happen.

We learnt to better communicate. Avoid confrontation with each-other while in consciousness, and work on that while not in consciousness - or when the time and situation allows for it.

We also learnt that we can get support, suggestions, etc. by reading this forum, or other ressources.

This was a good year overall for us as a system. We still have much to learn, but we are doing better than past years.

oOo van H. oOo
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

Journey thread
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