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Things people can take away

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Things people can take away

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Dec 19, 2019 6:39 pm

I did a post "things people can't take from you" This is about things people can take from you.

I didn't think I had anything that anyone could take from me anymore that would really bother me. I'm talking about inanimate stuff not people.

I found out there was. Just now. I went completely out of control. I was crying and shouting. I felt violated and hurt. The last time I've got that angry over loosing something I was under ten years of age.

I don't know if it's the thing it's self or that I'm dealing more with past alters - a regressed Karen, Paul who is full of rage, No-one who was absent for 20years. On top of that the thing lost was close to all of our hearts (present alters that are forward sometimes and the ones who are not around externally at present). We had plans for that thing, it was sentimentally important.

I feel helpless, angry and trapped by it. There's no getting it back, can't recreate it, can't replace it.

These are the emotions I dealt with often as a child. I don't know if they were so much over things that were taken (my teddies, my pet cat that I had a strong bond with to the point that after she was taken I never attached to another living creature again in a similar way because it was too painful), it was more probably over things that happened to me.

Being unable to express the emotions over being violated as child, not understanding them, having no safe place and nobody to talk to the emotions would come out over daily things. I'm not sure what things - I can't remember them - but I know I just felt exactly the same as I did then because I did the same things - randomly threw my own stuff everywhere, screamed, cried and hid under the table. Under the table later developed into closing myself in my room to let it all out on my own and I always broke something of my own and/or self harmed. I could feel the wanting of self harm sweep over me which made me focus on calming down and I decided to write here.

When you loose something you can't ever get back how do you cope?

Screaming, throwing stuff and harming self (or others I suppose) is not coping imo. So I suppose I'm asking what are healthy ways to let all this out that you use?
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Re: Things people can take away

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Thu Dec 19, 2019 8:42 pm

The only thing we've found that helps is strenuous physical exercise. We used to go running a lot. Biking is ok, and even a long brisk walk helps. I think it's basically forced grounding--you can't help but pay attention to what's around you and in front of you. With running you have the extra pounding sensation of your feet--that always helped me a lot.
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Re: Things people can take away

Postby MakersDozn » Thu Dec 19, 2019 9:04 pm

Sarandipity wrote:I feel helpless, angry and trapped by it. There's no getting it back, can't recreate it, can't replace it. [...]Being unable to express the emotions over being violated as child, not understanding them, having no safe place and nobody to talk to the emotions would come out over daily things.[...]When you loose something you can't ever get back how do you cope?

I identify with this more than I can describe. :(

I'm sorry that others have experienced this and are still affected by it. I wish I had answers, because it's a big part of why we've struggled so much during our healing process. Sometimes the darkness and pain is all there is, and the thought of letting go and moving on feels even more frightening, because the feeling of emptiness and insecurity is the only security that we have. :|

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Re: Things people can take away

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Dec 19, 2019 9:39 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:The only thing we've found that helps is strenuous physical exercise. We used to go running a lot. Biking is ok, and even a long brisk walk helps. I think it's basically forced grounding--you can't help but pay attention to what's around you and in front of you. With running you have the extra pounding sensation of your feet--that always helped me a lot.

I can't run or do exercise because I have very bad foot pain everyday. I slept in a damp room for many years so there's alters that have all the joint pain associated from that too. The closer I get to resolving the disorder the worse my pains get, the more frequent. Also some of my limbs were dislocated as a child and I didn't receive any medical attention for that. My hip often hurts even if my other joints are ok. Really I should get a scan to see if my joints were put back properly by my abusive parents and get my feet checked out by a doctor. The other joint pain is from the damp room, I woke up everyday in pain and with swollen glands in winter, nothing would help that except praying.
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Re: Things people can take away

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Dec 19, 2019 9:49 pm

MakersDozn wrote:
Sarandipity wrote:I feel helpless, angry and trapped by it. There's no getting it back, can't recreate it, can't replace it. [...]Being unable to express the emotions over being violated as child, not understanding them, having no safe place and nobody to talk to the emotions would come out over daily things.[...]When you loose something you can't ever get back how do you cope?

I identify with this more than I can describe. :(

I'm sorry that others have experienced this and are still affected by it. I wish I had answers, because it's a big part of why we've struggled so much during our healing process. Sometimes the darkness and pain is all there is, and the thought of letting go and moving on feels even more frightening, because the feeling of emptiness and insecurity is the only security that we have. :|

Charity and others


I tried to let go of my current loss but can't. I tried to be nice about it but it was impossible. An outside person caused it and they are not taking responsibility so that's also incredibly triggering and sending me into a rage. I don't feel it was malicious on their part, thoughtless but not malicious. But they are saying they didn't do it, which I know they did. It's insulting. On top of that they are trying to make me feel bad - all incredibly triggering. I was brought up on persecutors denying their actions and blaming me. The other problem is I will always admit if I'm to blame and apologise so I apologised for being really upset and they tried to exploit that which is causing more rage and frustration which I'm trying to manage.

The whole thing is really triggering. I feel like I have both my parents around me again at the moment. And I really feel like until my parents are dead or punished by the law these types of behaviour in others are going to haunt me and be overwhelming.
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Re: Things people can take away

Postby Rive » Thu Dec 19, 2019 11:38 pm

People can hurt you but they can't take your spirit. I find comfort in that.
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Re: Things people can take away

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Dec 20, 2019 12:55 am

This incident today left me spiralling around from suicide to homicide to trapped can't do anything despair. The emotions I had often as child.

As time progressed today it became more and more about my parents and less about the loss I just experienced.

Sitting now I realised I'm not powerless against my parents anymore. I've been living like I am but reality is I'm not. I'm only failing because I'm not doing anything. If I at least try then that's a success in it's self even if I don't get Justice.

What I want simply is them completely out of my life and to stay away from my children. As it stands I can't keep them away from my children, apparently, because I haven't made proper allegations. This is difficult because the memories are in fragments.

I've been thinking about it. My children don't ask to see them when they're leaving us alone. They only ask when contacted by them, which is how it's always been.

I'm in a quandary whether to give the parents an ultimatum, stay away from my children or I will report you or to just report them. I can't go on with this powerless anger.

Without a therapist or adequate support reporting them will be tough. Giving an ultimatum is chancy, I very much think they will try to use that against me rather than it working.

If I take fragment memory I have written down and at least try then I have the chance of stopping this now. Of this ending in some way. If I don't then these circular emotions will resurface again and again.

Why should I keep living like this? Why should I silently ignore anymore? Why am I suffering and they are not? They should be suicidal and rageful and feeling trapped and helpless not me.

I also get impulsive when I feel like this, it's when I'd climb out a window or cut up my clothes or self harm or drink. I managed not to smash my father Christmas ornament but the impulse feeling is still there. Like I need immediate outlet for the rage but I know it doesn't make the rage go away and that being calm and patient would be better. I was so much in a rush to get away from them I ruined my life and I still have never fully escaped or made them pay for what they did. They need to pay, not the ornament.

The psychotherapist I had explained to me that anger is energy. That you don't have to expell it all at once. Like I said this is a childhood spiral of feeling I had frequently but it feels possible to halt the circle, hold the anger and slowly use it where I want to how I want to in a productive way. It feels possible, I'm going to try.
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Re: Things people can take away

Postby MakersDozn » Fri Dec 20, 2019 5:05 pm

The people who hurt us (or simply failed us) are all gone now. We're glad to be free of the ones who hurt us, but we're also angry that because they're gone, there's no longer a possibility that we can punish them, whatever that means. They've taken that away too. :?

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Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f, no original. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

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Re: Things people can take away

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Dec 20, 2019 6:45 pm

MakersDozn wrote:The people who hurt us (or simply failed us) are all gone now. We're glad to be free of the ones who hurt us, but we're also angry that because they're gone, there's no longer a possibility that we can punish them, whatever that means. They've taken that away too. :?

Charity


The place I'm at with that, punishing abusers, is I'm concerned it would be out of vengeance. I like to avoid revenge based actions.

I watched a lady with DID from Australia who took her father to court and he was convicted. To me it looked like she was doing it for the child parts in her system, to show them protection and care. It allowed her to be free and move on with her life. This makes sense.

I'd doubt my motives, I have alot of rage and to do something purely for vengeance I think would feed that rage perhaps instead of quell it.

How would you like them punished?
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Re: Things people can take away

Postby Zor » Sat Dec 21, 2019 7:16 pm

They CAN take away a sense of belonging, a place of compassion, and a sense of being loved by others.
We've learned that, painfully, first hand the last 18-20 months. :cry:
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