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Host feeling down about internal world's

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Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:22 pm

The host, of which she will say she "isn't the host" but she basically is, is down about there being alot of criminal minded alters in her system.

She feels like she has "the rubbish system" Like everyone else gets fun stuff - flowers and rainbows - and she gets organised crime, terrorists and bank jobs.

Tried to tell her it's probably not all flowers and rainbows for you guys either, even the bf tried to tell her, but it's not sinking in. She's down about the overlord too because he's a vampire and not a fairy.

The inner world, I'm guessing, is like a defence mechanism, what is found to be safe. Where she found safe haven in the outside world was amoungst people who were criminal. A corrupt judge is far more dangerous than a bank robber. It's how the logic of our brain worked and what we saw in real life interaction as well as you only have to watch the news for five minutes to see how corrupt and unfair it is. So our internal world, where some of us found safe haven was to be in a world of overt corruption, criminality. Where you don't have to like everyone, you don't have to fit in, and you make your own morals.

She forgets the main internal world has good witches and a mermaid and a castle with good and kind princess. She forgets all that when she's left with just us and I'm sure people here have darker internal world's or darker parts. I wouldn't even call us darker, I'd call us morals on our own terms not what has been deemed as moral by society. Drug companies cause far more problems for average people than cartels, it's just socially acceptable to be a drug company but not socially acceptable to run a cartel - double standards.

Anyway that's how she is feeling and it'd be great if she could find that she's not the only one with parts and places that aren't all flowers and rainbows.

My name is Grey. I have been around for I don't know how long. The twins would talk about me and say "but Grey's really old" and because they're always talking about aliens she thought I was "a grey alien" she's started to notice me more now and I wasn't very forthcoming because I didn't feel letting her know I'm from the world she likes to deny and feel bad about would help because generally I make her feel better about herself when I'm there and I didn't want to take that from her. But she told the bf how she feels when I'm around, which I didn't realize till she said it out loud, she feels my presence as an old retired mafia type. So basically she knew anyway but didn't say and just kept the feeling to herself and was actually driving herself crazy wondering who I am. When she realises I'm Grey and the twins weren't talking about a grey alien that they "were keeping in a bunker" I think she'll be pleased, hopefully, because at least I'm just a human alter and when she heard the twins saying "but grey is really really old" some stuff might make more sense.

If you can help her out and share a bit of your own darker stuff that'd be great.

Thanks,

Grey
Main IW:
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Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby AmmeSO » Wed Dec 04, 2019 8:32 am

Hi Grey and host,

I am not sure what to say, just that why there are 'criminal minds' in your system is because it works the best for your system and due to your own unique circumstances, like you said. It is okay, Paul and you are doing your best to help and this is what you know right now, and besides you still can learn new and healthier coping strategies if need be. Trust your system. Noone in my husband system has a colourful internal life, but some has a more ' cunning way of thinking, but it doesn't mean it is bad. It is because host is more naive in thinking and the protectors are more cunning so that they can think like past abusers to protect the system from harm. Sending you good thoughts:)
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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby Floralie » Wed Dec 04, 2019 3:30 pm

Your view of world and view of organized crime is just very far from ours. Thinking of organized crime we see it foremost thru it's victims, like some people in here are victims of organized child abuse. I see no difference between who or what they sell, children, adults, drugs, guns, the top criminals have good things because they abuse people that they view are lower and theirs to use and sell. Organized crime is very far from being free world, it's way more hierarchical than "normal" world in reality, it's not people freely choosing what they wanna do. They do what they've been told to do by someone with more power, and nobody claims it to be fair, or it even trying to be fair. So that's one thing, we do not associate criminal world to be free in any way.

Next thing is the society we live in. Country we live in is always among top countries in WHO's list of happiest countries of the world. The list is not based on asking people are they happy or not, it's based on things like low corruption, free healthcare, free education etc. All things that makes it possible for people to have a good life regardless of the family they were born to. The gap between rich and poor is not that big, although it's growing all the time. There is no reason why would we view world or society being our enemy somehow. Society saved us, when we messed up all things in our life. Society pays us, for it to be possible to us to only work few hours a week. Society pays us our therapy, even tho we can't afford it ourself. There is no reason we would wanna attack against society, especially because we understand what society in the end is: it's all the people who live in this country, including us. Society is not a faceless thing, it's all people together. We don't wanna make random people our victims and sacrifice anyone for us to be able to be criminal, there's nothing anyone would gain by doing that. But we do know we are fortunate like that, not all countries are like the one we live in, and actually not all of our system members come from this country originally. Some of them come elsewhere, and some of them are different.

Ferro used to be a child soldier. Or actually a child terrorist, according to UN, but he does not agree. He identifies with being a soldier and is capable to all things he was trained to be, and he is not gonna let it go or doesn't want to heal from it. Everyone knows not to mess with him, not to wake up the soldier in him.

Rami was born in the city that was infamous for being the leading city in the amounts of murders. It was ran by a cartel, and the slum he was born to was lead by gangs. He made his way out of there and did not become part of his surroundings. But he knows the darker side, how to get along with it and still stay out of it, and he still gets annoyed sometimes by people of our country, because of how pampered we are. He knows it's the trauma in him talking, because mostly it comes up when something big happens. Like a terrorist attack. He doesn't say anything about how he really thinks to anyone, but those kind of things makes him angry, for people who react to it like it's something big. Where he came from, people were murdered and many people disappeared every day, and they didn't make it to the news. It's him being jealous sometimes, weird times, but not so weird when you look it thru trauma.

So, our inner response to terrorist attack in our country was being annoyed by all the fuzz. Also because that's what they want, why do they get rewarded with attention when do something bad for attention, our inner logic hates stupidity like that. It wasn't that successful attack tho, people didn't stand there watching but attacked the terrorist guy, there were refugees who had seen worse too and were able to act. The attacker didn't get killed either, so he didn't have his glory and place in paradise. He said he did it for Isis, but Isis didn't say anything. Guess they weren't happy for his performance, thinking how happily they have been to admit any attack to be theirs to scare people.

If there would be bigger problem inside, it would be just one look from Rami to Ferro and they'd react, and get dirty things done and save part who need protection. There just isn't a need to that, and they do things totally different from what are they capable of that way. And it's not something they brag about, things they could do if needed. They know what they know and it's enough, they're not after glory. They've seen real war and real victims, they don't find action movies entertaining.

It's same thing between Sami and Ferro, if there was something dirty to do, bigger problem, Sami would tell Ferro what's going on, and they would act together to take care of it. Ferro is 14, he's not legally responsible over his actions, and therefor he's safe. What ever he would do, it would be CPS case, and he lives in youth home already, so from his point of view, no consequences. He just doesn't go around hurting people just because he can, because he's not sadistic. He knows real war, so he doesn't idolize it. It's enough people know not to push him. Sami is same kind, he's good at disrespecting and putting people back to their place, but he won't if not disrespected first. There's nothing to put back on it's place if there's no disrespect fist. People who try, do learn not to do that, and it's enough.

All 3 of them in the end mostly just wanna be independent. They care how people feel like, but not so much about what they think. World is full of pecking orders, and in a way they stay away from them and are independent, they all are the same like that. Rami is kind of naturally born leader, it's just that he isn't into leading any guy groups. Ferro and Sami don't care about being leaders, they're just naturally born not-followers. They get along with each other, because they're not interested in same things, so there's no competing, and they know how to respect each other as another independent person without a pecking order.

It's just that our war guys don't need to wait for emergencies all the time, so their world is not criminal world, but I think it's mostly because how well our system is protected from outside, from trauma happening to us again. It stopped decades ago. When your life is abusive relationship after another, it's no wonder why they are more on that side all the time. You need them there. I don't need our guys in there stuck in that state of mind, because Sami keeps us safe from abusive people, we are able to tell them apart. That's why our parts who are able to fight don't need to do it, or be ready for it all the time. So inside they have a peaceful world and they do other stuff, totally unrelated to their abilities in the emergency. Ferro smiles and flirts and talks nothing but girls, you'd never guess how he can be, unless you push the wrong button. If you do, he is able to give a fair warning, and he changes so rapidly to something so different, he doesn't have to say a lot.

In the end, for them, it's all about boundaries. When they're getting respected, all is fine.

Your boundaries as a system do not get respected, because you don't work together. There's a lot of meaningless harmful disrespect between you, totally not needed disrespecting comments on system members etc. Stop that, it's harmful, annoying to listen, and keeps you from getting better. You have fighting spirit from here to the moon and back again, and it could be used to something meaningful too, like safety in real world most importantly. But for some reason you pick on each other rather than do something to reasons why things are #######5. And you do know managing DID is all about co-operation, so I don't know what's the excuse you tell yourselves.

Inner things are symbolic, they change when things in reality change. Make your life safe, and you don't need parts who can take care of things when you're not safe. They can't heal as long as there's a reason to think their skills are needed. Our parts have not healed either, and not everything is there to heal, we're not trying to heal from boundaries but I'm learning how to set them, and letting Sami do it.

I'm still strongly with the thought that in the end in DID everything is about safety. When you find out how is something linked with safety, you know how to change it too.
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 (15-26) defender (trauma)
Lucas M 16 (19) bridge-builder, self care (trauma)
Leon M 4 (trauma?)
Ferro M 14/24 protector (trauma)
Rami M 25 inner protector/caretaker manager
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
Jules M 11 main trauma holder with DID
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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby vortexvoid » Wed Dec 04, 2019 4:52 pm

I understand a bit of the "jealousy" about other systems. Sometimes ours feels more dysfunctional than others and, like everything in life (and the internet), it's hard not to compare.

We have one little who isn't allowed to speak and is "protected" (controlled/silenced) by a mean yelling person. Which always bums us out when we see people's littles posting on here, being friends and supporting each other. I think ours is jealous, and there's only one of her so she doesn't get internal friends either. Everyone is afraid of the Critic, so they don't try to talk to the Kid.

As far as darkness goes, we also get that: we have a little alien/monster creature that represents all the awful secrets we have to keep. She writes in her own made-up language and is convinced she's toxic to other people. We also have an actual Jukebox (like a fifties diner jukebox) who plays music. Which is just silly, except it is trying to help drown out the yelling. And sometimes trying to send us messages that we won't listen to from anyone else. And then we have Killer, who is a murderer. It took a long time to figure out his purpose, which I think is to eliminate uncertainty and unreliability - if people are dead, they can't hurt you or betray you or disappoint you. (we don't kill anything, but that part is fixated on doing so, just to be clear). He is a big scary man in a mask.

So yeah.. I feel like we can empathize. It's hard to have compassion for your system and understand that you exist the way you are because it is what worked for you. I mean, you can understand it intellectually but still not FEEL it.

Cultivating compassion in the outer world has helped me in the inner world, though it's always a big work in progress. Trying to understand that people do bad things because they are also victims.

Sometimes I think of the "difficult" parts like wild animals - they are scared and hurt, so they lash out and get messy or violent. It's not because they are bad. It's because they are vulnerable and trying to protect themselves.

Hang in there.
Rae - current host

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Rachel, Rachel Joy, Keda, Taty, SS3NDASS, Killer, Critic, Kid, Void, and Jukebox

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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby Floralie » Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:26 pm

I get the jealousy too. For us it's just about different things. It's impossible not to compare and we've thought about it a lot, to get to know what is it some have that we so clearly lack, because we can not have what they have. No matter what we try, different things, we won't have that. It's hurtful.

We have co-operation, because parts worked for it for couple of years pretty much 24/7 until it worked out, it was before I had my identity.

Our inner world is nice because I build it, I build a nice facility to kids that have been taken into custody, because it's something I didn't have for myself when I grew up. Then more parts joined, like Lucas, and he needed an apartment, so now he has it. Rami is an adult, he's working in the youth home, he needed an apartment for himself too. So did Anastasia. Our Forget world is not how things naturally were, it's built.

It's not all perfect either, two parts have been sexually abused there. It's like real world, some people are not safe.

There are still parts that I don't know, and they hide in Deep in. I don't know how it's like, when I do see in, it seems empty, kind of just like darkness, or maybe I'm just unable to see what's in there. It can be anything. I think it's more dreamlike than the Forget world, but I can't know.

Flor
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 (15-26) defender (trauma)
Lucas M 16 (19) bridge-builder, self care (trauma)
Leon M 4 (trauma?)
Ferro M 14/24 protector (trauma)
Rami M 25 inner protector/caretaker manager
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
Jules M 11 main trauma holder with DID
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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Dec 04, 2019 8:09 pm

AmmeSO wrote:Hi Grey and host,

I am not sure what to say, just that why there are 'criminal minds' in your system is because it works the best for your system and due to your own unique circumstances, like you said. It is okay, Paul and you are doing your best to help and this is what you know right now, and besides you still can learn new and healthier coping strategies if need be. Trust your system. Noone in my husband system has a colourful internal life, but some has a more ' cunning way of thinking, but it doesn't mean it is bad. It is because host is more naive in thinking and the protectors are more cunning so that they can think like past abusers to protect the system from harm. Sending you good thoughts:)


Thankyou. I think that is true here also. The criminally minded parts are cunning and it is a very good defence against cunning and underhanded parents. It has to be how it is because of how abusers were. Put that together with finding a safe haven amoungst people who were criminals, we've done that more than once, and it's the reason behind those parts having an internal world like this.

It was kind of Grey to post and I have been dwelling and holding it alot because that internal world does make me feel less than when reading about others where it seems to be very positive.

Probably cunning is a better way to look at it. What they do internally is up to them so as long as it's not external then I need to simply appreciate their cunning really.

Thank you for replying about your partner AmySo.
Main IW:
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Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Dec 04, 2019 8:27 pm

Floralie wrote:Your view of world and view of organized crime is just very far from ours. Thinking of organized crime we see it foremost thru it's victims, like some people in here are victims of organized child abuse. I see no difference between who or what they sell, children, adults, drugs, guns, the top criminals have good things because they abuse people that they view are lower and theirs to use and sell. Organized crime is very far from being free world, it's way more hierarchical than "normal" world in reality, it's not people freely choosing what they wanna do. They do what they've been told to do by someone with more power, and nobody claims it to be fair, or it even trying to be fair. So that's one thing, we do not associate criminal world to be free in any way.

Next thing is the society we live in. Country we live in is always among top countries in WHO's list of happiest countries of the world. The list is not based on asking people are they happy or not, it's based on things like low corruption, free healthcare, free education etc. All things that makes it possible for people to have a good life regardless of the family they were born to. The gap between rich and poor is not that big, although it's growing all the time. There is no reason why would we view world or society being our enemy somehow. Society saved us, when we messed up all things in our life. Society pays us, for it to be possible to us to only work few hours a week. Society pays us our therapy, even tho we can't afford it ourself. There is no reason we would wanna attack against society, especially because we understand what society in the end is: it's all the people who live in this country, including us. Society is not a faceless thing, it's all people together. We don't wanna make random people our victims and sacrifice anyone for us to be able to be criminal, there's nothing anyone would gain by doing that. But we do know we are fortunate like that, not all countries are like the one we live in, and actually not all of our system members come from this country originally. Some of them come elsewhere, and some of them are different.

Ferro used to be a child soldier. Or actually a child terrorist, according to UN, but he does not agree. He identifies with being a soldier and is capable to all things he was trained to be, and he is not gonna let it go or doesn't want to heal from it. Everyone knows not to mess with him, not to wake up the soldier in him.

Rami was born in the city that was infamous for being the leading city in the amounts of murders. It was ran by a cartel, and the slum he was born to was lead by gangs. He made his way out of there and did not become part of his surroundings. But he knows the darker side, how to get along with it and still stay out of it, and he still gets annoyed sometimes by people of our country, because of how pampered we are. He knows it's the trauma in him talking, because mostly it comes up when something big happens. Like a terrorist attack. He doesn't say anything about how he really thinks to anyone, but those kind of things makes him angry, for people who react to it like it's something big. Where he came from, people were murdered and many people disappeared every day, and they didn't make it to the news. It's him being jealous sometimes, weird times, but not so weird when you look it thru trauma.

So, our inner response to terrorist attack in our country was being annoyed by all the fuzz. Also because that's what they want, why do they get rewarded with attention when do something bad for attention, our inner logic hates stupidity like that. It wasn't that successful attack tho, people didn't stand there watching but attacked the terrorist guy, there were refugees who had seen worse too and were able to act. The attacker didn't get killed either, so he didn't have his glory and place in paradise. He said he did it for Isis, but Isis didn't say anything. Guess they weren't happy for his performance, thinking how happily they have been to admit any attack to be theirs to scare people.

If there would be bigger problem inside, it would be just one look from Rami to Ferro and they'd react, and get dirty things done and save part who need protection. There just isn't a need to that, and they do things totally different from what are they capable of that way. And it's not something they brag about, things they could do if needed. They know what they know and it's enough, they're not after glory. They've seen real war and real victims, they don't find action movies entertaining.

It's same thing between Sami and Ferro, if there was something dirty to do, bigger problem, Sami would tell Ferro what's going on, and they would act together to take care of it. Ferro is 14, he's not legally responsible over his actions, and therefor he's safe. What ever he would do, it would be CPS case, and he lives in youth home already, so from his point of view, no consequences. He just doesn't go around hurting people just because he can, because he's not sadistic. He knows real war, so he doesn't idolize it. It's enough people know not to push him. Sami is same kind, he's good at disrespecting and putting people back to their place, but he won't if not disrespected first. There's nothing to put back on it's place if there's no disrespect fist. People who try, do learn not to do that, and it's enough.

All 3 of them in the end mostly just wanna be independent. They care how people feel like, but not so much about what they think. World is full of pecking orders, and in a way they stay away from them and are independent, they all are the same like that. Rami is kind of naturally born leader, it's just that he isn't into leading any guy groups. Ferro and Sami don't care about being leaders, they're just naturally born not-followers. They get along with each other, because they're not interested in same things, so there's no competing, and they know how to respect each other as another independent person without a pecking order.

It's just that our war guys don't need to wait for emergencies all the time, so their world is not criminal world, but I think it's mostly because how well our system is protected from outside, from trauma happening to us again. It stopped decades ago. When your life is abusive relationship after another, it's no wonder why they are more on that side all the time. You need them there. I don't need our guys in there stuck in that state of mind, because Sami keeps us safe from abusive people, we are able to tell them apart. That's why our parts who are able to fight don't need to do it, or be ready for it all the time. So inside they have a peaceful world and they do other stuff, totally unrelated to their abilities in the emergency. Ferro smiles and flirts and talks nothing but girls, you'd never guess how he can be, unless you push the wrong button. If you do, he is able to give a fair warning, and he changes so rapidly to something so different, he doesn't have to say a lot.

In the end, for them, it's all about boundaries. When they're getting respected, all is fine.

Your boundaries as a system do not get respected, because you don't work together. There's a lot of meaningless harmful disrespect between you, totally not needed disrespecting comments on system members etc. Stop that, it's harmful, annoying to listen, and keeps you from getting better. You have fighting spirit from here to the moon and back again, and it could be used to something meaningful too, like safety in real world most importantly. But for some reason you pick on each other rather than do something to reasons why things are #######5. And you do know managing DID is all about co-operation, so I don't know what's the excuse you tell yourselves.

Inner things are symbolic, they change when things in reality change. Make your life safe, and you don't need parts who can take care of things when you're not safe. They can't heal as long as there's a reason to think their skills are needed. Our parts have not healed either, and not everything is there to heal, we're not trying to heal from boundaries but I'm learning how to set them, and letting Sami do it.

I'm still strongly with the thought that in the end in DID everything is about safety. When you find out how is something linked with safety, you know how to change it too.


The first paragraph, yes, that's exactly how they see it. The problem I have with them or how their internal world is that none of them care. They say "that's life. It all makes the world go round" Except Patrick, he was involved but doesn't like it and left. It's also why I think there is an element of ASPD to my overall personality because all those parts are me too so overall if parts of me can think like that and they are part of me then I need to accept I have ASPD - sort of, if I integrated. Obviously it could get over shadowed or balanced out by other parts but there's no way to know that so I work with a working hypothesis that as an overall person I would have ASPD or its in my system.

With the second paragraph, yes, I see society as supportive. This one. They see it as oppressive. They would say minimal is done to keep the masses happy so there's not riots and revolution. I would say society is doing it's best and we're living in a relatively supportive society.

The is cooperation in my system but there is rarely agreement on anything, any issue or opinion. Everyone has different religions, we have to all tolerate that. They don't have to like eachother though. I can't make them like eachother if I wanted to. And often it's that dislike or harshness that motivates. Beth was aggorophobic and depressed. If it didn't eventually annoy another part and they decided to do something about it, find out what was going on, then she would be stuck still. Now she's free of it, it's shared. She's at peace which I didn't think was possible but it happened from some parts complaining about her and others doing something about it. They don't agree on anything, I don't think that's going to change unless they all integrated but that's highly unlikely.

There's other internal world's which work differently. So it's not all bad. I just get down about it occasionally.
Main IW:
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Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Dec 04, 2019 8:34 pm

vortexvoid wrote:I understand a bit of the "jealousy" about other systems. Sometimes ours feels more dysfunctional than others and, like everything in life (and the internet), it's hard not to compare.

We have one little who isn't allowed to speak and is "protected" (controlled/silenced) by a mean yelling person. Which always bums us out when we see people's littles posting on here, being friends and supporting each other. I think ours is jealous, and there's only one of her so she doesn't get internal friends either. Everyone is afraid of the Critic, so they don't try to talk to the Kid.

As far as darkness goes, we also get that: we have a little alien/monster creature that represents all the awful secrets we have to keep. She writes in her own made-up language and is convinced she's toxic to other people. We also have an actual Jukebox (like a fifties diner jukebox) who plays music. Which is just silly, except it is trying to help drown out the yelling. And sometimes trying to send us messages that we won't listen to from anyone else. And then we have Killer, who is a murderer. It took a long time to figure out his purpose, which I think is to eliminate uncertainty and unreliability - if people are dead, they can't hurt you or betray you or disappoint you. (we don't kill anything, but that part is fixated on doing so, just to be clear). He is a big scary man in a mask.

So yeah.. I feel like we can empathize. It's hard to have compassion for your system and understand that you exist the way you are because it is what worked for you. I mean, you can understand it intellectually but still not FEEL it.

Cultivating compassion in the outer world has helped me in the inner world, though it's always a big work in progress. Trying to understand that people do bad things because they are also victims.

Sometimes I think of the "difficult" parts like wild animals - they are scared and hurt, so they lash out and get messy or violent. It's not because they are bad. It's because they are vulnerable and trying to protect themselves.

Hang in there.


Thank you. And thanks for saying jealousy. That's really poignant. My abuse centered around jealousy. It was suppressed into its own entity and then recently shared around. And you're right it is a Jealousy of other systems. It sounds odd but I'm quite pleased I am experiencing some Jealousy because it was suppressed and cut out for so long. It's ok to be jealous, some jealousy is healthy, as long as it isn't becoming self harming or harming others. Thank you.

[Sorry to read about your little. That sounds awful. Ours were in a pit. Sending wishes for you and your little to work a way out of it, Mandy.]

Thanks again.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Re: Host feeling down about internal world's

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Dec 05, 2019 7:47 pm

Regarding I have jealousy of other inner worlds that seem more socially acceptable. I have jealousy of it. It gets me down that I have an inner world that's less socially acceptable (even though it's not the only inner world). This says to me that the inner world is actually important to me. I didn't realize it was. It's always seemed somewhat pointless, I get that it's important and not pointless on an intellectual level but on a feeling level it feels pointless - outside life is reality, what's important. I'm quite harsh on all parts of my system about that. External life is what matters. But it's true I'm jealous of other internal worlds so it must be more important to me than I thought it was.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1398
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:13 am
Blog: View Blog (2)


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