About my alters

So Thorne was first noticed when I was 14. My Aunt was just tearing down my cousin. Just belittling him so bad. Watching as he got closer and closer to crying. I think he 17. I sat there in interest and excitement. I knew what I was feeling was wrong. In the back of my head I was like she is mean for doing that to her son. I felt like a evil person and a good person. Then I started noticing Thorne when topics came up that were bad. Awful news events etc. My mother is a very negative person that likes to talk about negative things. I noticed when she talked about those bad things I would have this faint smile that would come over my face that I would try to stifle so she wouldn't notice. I'm pretty sure she noticed. When my little brother was about 3 or 4 and I was in my early 20's he fell and scraped his knee. I watched as my sister took him to the bathroom. His little knee bleeding. She said all I have is alcohol. I watched his little face turn from sad and innocent to screaming and I laughed. I don't know why I laughed but I quickly stifled it and I was left feeling guilty. I am always left feeling guilty for the things she feels. I guess she's a she. I don't really know. I didn't notice her as a child. I was a pretty sensitive child. I first went for what I thought may be a dissociative disorder when I was in my late 20s. I was diagnosed DDNOS. I then couldn't see her anymore so I started seeing someone that was free. She told me I did not have DDNOS. I only had DID. She that because she said she had never seen me switch like Sybil. Then I started seeing someone else because she passed. Until 7 months ago I was totally convinced that all I ever had was OCD because she said so. Then I started hearing this chatter and it has just been progressing. Sometimes they are angry. Like saying they don't want to wear a fitbit. Sometimes it's a child that says they want something or like something. The only problem I have is they don't respond back like I'd like when I ask. I also dont understand why they never talk at the same time. I never hear the child, or the angry one etc. talk at the same time. Thorne doesn't speak. So that's where I am at now.

Rive, I'm trying to suggest better ways of posting to get actual answers, so here are problems I have with this post:
1. wall of text
2. another way too vague thread name
3. post actually contains a description of the progression of your DID, but I'm not sure what you're looking for or asking

You post a lot and that's great. I think you'd do better writing something, then looking it over and editing it before you send. If you can, focus on what you want to say, the points, look at whether you accomplished that by what you wrote, and what you're looking for. The same goes for an original post or a response to your own or someone's else's topic.

I do understand that our DID minds aren't perfectly organized to compose lovely essays, so these are just suggestions. I think this is a bigger issue than just writing a post though. I think calming yourself and proceeding from a more centered place is a more effective approach in most areas of life.

I'll take a sliver of what you wrote, in this case at the end, and respond to that, which is my tendency anyway.

Rive wrote:I also dont understand why they never talk at the same time. I never hear the child, or the angry one etc. talk at the same time.

My alters have never, as far as I or anyone else can recall, spoken simultaneously. Why would you expect your alters to? This is DID, in one mind, not a large group of people in a real-life room having a bunch of conversations. Maybe it happens for some people with DID, I don't know. Would it shed any light on your system if someone were to confirm that their alters speak over each other? Would it clarify anything for you? It's fine to ponder out of curiosity but it appears to me you think alters talking at the same time or not means something.

Thanks, Johnny Jack. I will try to do better on my titles and posts. I was just talking about how people say that there alters comment on what to wear or to eat etc? They say sometimes they are hearing several opinions from their alters at one time. Like Hey, I want to wear That green blouse, No I like pink. No, I like yellow. That has never been the case for me. When my alters talk they never speak together like that. I hear from one but not any of the others. When my child like thoughts come I don't also get my other thoughts that seem like they are from an adult as well. So I thought that was what most people experience. Bunch of thoughts from different alters at one time.

Hey Rive,

It's never like that for us. Well maybe once in like 2 years has any of us experienced that whole 'lotsa people talking at once' thing, but that was right at the very begining of our crisis, like when the walls were first coming down.

But apart from like one single time, for us its always like 2 or 3 people having conversation? Like talking in their turn, back and forth.

And like yeah sometimes kids'll shout stuff, like they want something or whatever, but even then its not like a crowd all going off at once.

And we definitely never have like arguments about what to wear when we're getting dressed - whoever's fronting just puts on what they want. There's no discussion or argument.

Viola

I guess want I am saying is their is never any real conversations. Just one way thinking. Like for example. I might be thinking about getting a snack out the snack machine where I live and all of the sudden a childlike thought will pop up and say I want sour gum. There is nothing after it. No one saying Hey, gums not good for your teeth by another alter or anything like that. It's just random things by one alter.

Hey Rive,

So? Does that bother you?

If you want 2-way conversation maybe try engaging with them and talking back. When the kid says they want sour gum, ask them what flavour? Or why do they like sour gum? Or whatever?

Or better still, buy some sour gum and invite them to come closer and enjoy it with you!

We get that too btw - like Melissa will want gum, or cookies, or snacks or whatever. She'll say so, shout it out at whoevers fronting. Nobody tells her its not healthy. She doesn't care, she's 7, so why try to tell her about that? Its like any other little kid, they want something so they say they want it. They don't care that they shouldn't have it.

We do get 2way conversation but that's cos we talk with them. If you ignore them and treat them like a problem (or worse, try to pretend they're not real or whatever - seriously that $#%^'s really offensive) then of course there's no conversation.

Viola

Yeah, that's my main problem. They never talk when I want them too. So that's why I question if they are alters.

Hey Rive,

Try talking when they want to. When they talk at you, engage with them & talk back.

Don't expect it to work instantly or like overnight or whatever. It takes time. We've been working at this for like 2 years now and its still not like perfect or easy. Theres still lotsa times whoevers fronting will try to talk and get nothing.

Be patient, and most important, be kind and understanding to them.

IMHO you gotta earn their trust, so don't expect them to come running when you call. Be there for them, and then when they trust you, they'll be there for you too.

Viola

Thanks, I will try that. Can you tell me how distinct an alter has to be to be considered an alter? They never take control of my body. Just my emotions. I also dont have amnesia between them. I'm always co-con. I do have some amnesia from childhood I guess. Like I don't remember the inside of anywhere I lived before 7. I don't remember this incident where some kids took my clothes and left me naked at Daycare. I don't really remember much about either of my parents before 10 or so. Like how I was treated. Memory fades over time though doesn't it?

Hey Rive,

In our system, we don't really have a classification or measure or whatever any more. We just know, cos we feel it, or we hear them, or another alter we know told us.

And like, you know what? Sometimes we're wrong. We've had times where we figured we had a new/unknown alter come along, but then later we've changed our minds cos maybe it wasn't an alter after all. Or if it was it was like, they were here once & gone again.

At first V1 was really into like, categorizing and stuff. She was making spreadsheets and everything, with like names and dates and all sorts of classifications. But in the end we just kinda stopped, cos eventually you realize, it doesn't matter. They're in there. When they need attention they'll get it - either ask for it, demand it, or just force the issue.

What I'm tryna say is, its not worth it getting caught up on stuff like was that voice an alter or a stray thought? Or whatever. Like, its not about classifying stuff and categorizing and stuff. Just roll with it. Life comes at you, so you deal with it. Spend too much time measuring it and you'll miss important stuff.

Viola