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About my alters

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Re: About my alters

Postby Floralie » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:43 pm

There's no several parts wanting different things at the same time in our system either. I can only communicate with them, when they come close to me, not when I choose to, but when they do, or happen to come closer to outside for any reason.

Systems are different. If you hear someone has something certain way, or that several people have their systems working certain way, it doesn't mean your system should work that way too. It's up to you to find out how your system works. All systems are as valid, there is no one way they should be like. And inside one system there can be different parts, like you have, who work different ways than other parts in that same system.

You also have to remember that systems can be in very different place what comes to awareness. Thorne may not have any clue she's an alter. Maybe that's why she's not trying to communicate with you, she doesn't know there is you. The question is have you tried to communicate with her when she is there, because you are the one who knows you can do it. She may not know that at all.

Sometimes parts do not know they are parts in the system more than their main front did. Sometimes they do, and have fully working co-operating system inside, that works together doing their all that main front personality doesn't get to know about others. Or it can be mix of these two, or anything else. And how they understand what outside world is, who you are, who they themselves are and what it all means of course has huge effect to how they react or communicate. From their point of view you can be a voice in their mind, and they have no clue how should they react to that.Or they may not be able to hear your thoughts, they may only be able to hear you if you talk out loud to them. Some parts don't use words at all, and there can be several reasons why. They may not be people for example. And it's up to you to find the ways how to reach them.

If you could keep your mind open, be warm and welcoming, willing to get to know them and consistent with it, you could know much more about them now. If you don't know something, just stay open and curious. Try other ways. But you have not been able to do that, I really have no clue do you really even want to get to know them, or do you do things like that sometimes just because you're told to. Then you can feel you did your share and if they didn't deliver you the picture perfect answers like some systems have over years of being nice and warm and welcoming, you can say they're different than other systems' parts, and maybe not parts at all. Most of the time you doubt and find mistakes in what they do, that doesn't make them trust you or wanna spend time with you either. It slows down progress there could be, if you were actually willing to concentrate on them more than you are willing to doubt and dismiss them.

To be honest, I feel so bad for your parts because of the ways you talk about them, constantly having a reason why they are not valid.

I know some systems that do hear everything going on in the inner world, there's a lot of background noise in their mind all the time, and because parts are in different situations inside, it's not one conversation between several parts, but many different conversation one on top over another, so it's very hard or impossible to understand what's happening, or hear if someone tries to talk outside, comment on to the one in the body. It's very distracting to them and it's very hard for them to concentrate on anything from all the inner noise, or try to sleep, anything. I'm very happy I don't have it like that, that we don't have it like that.

Some systems can be like that, most are not. It doesn't make them more or less DID. All stories about how different parts and systems are, are examples of how they can be. If you have read what's going on in this forum alone, other than threads you're involved with, you are aware there's so many different type of systems in here too. So there's nothing out of ordinary to be different in some things. The things that makes it DID in you are very similar with several people. But you do know that, if you've ever payed any attention to how many times we have told you that's how we have it too.

Systems are the way they needed to be originally, and what we needed originally is different for every trauma. And they react different ways, because parts are in different situations and they do have minds of their own. You do have dissociated separate parts, and that's what makes you DID. I will not tell again what makes them separate enough, it was just told you in another thread, and if you want to remember, you go and look from there. I'm not your servant that goes and finds info you want for you, when you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself. It's been answered to you many times, and you understood it while you were with T who knew how to answer to that.

It was your decision to leave her and go back to T that doesn't know the differences, can't tell them to you, and makes you confused again. But you knew it about her, when you made your decision to go back to her. You knew she doesn't understand DID. Now, you can not do decision like that, to leave a T who was able to explain you and go to someone who confuses you more, and then expect that people in this form would replace DID T to you. We can't. You made the decision yourself, and now you live with the consequences of it.

If you think you can make progress with DID with our help, while in your own life your therapist does things against treating DID, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. We can't cure you while you work on something else yourself. This can be support for someone who has a T who knows what to do, not the place where we do therapy over your actual T or cure mistakes she makes in treatment, because she doesn't understand your condition. The main thing still is, you wanted her over DID T, and now you have what you wanted.

It can not be a surprise how she explains things being this or that or something else, and can't tell difference between ego state and an alter, because that's how she was before too. Of course that's gonna make you unsure of what things are, but you chose that over someone who was able to explain things the way you came in here telling you understand now it's DID you have.

We can't undo your own choices, and to me you chose to be unsure. And it is not my job to use time and energy to safe you from the consequences of that choice. It's non of our problem in here, we have our own problems and own traumas to heal from, and I haven't seen you spending hours trying to support us on our problems.

All question you are back asking in here now have been answered to you several times before. It's not my hours that should be spent to re-explain them again and then again, because you think it's too much trouble to find the place where it was last time answered to you. It's not questions I need answers for, but you do. So you go back and find the help you have received already from here. It's been many of us using countless hours to this already, for you, in our expense. How about using your own hours now to read the answers with a thought, instead of assuming we do your work for you again, and use our time to your problems that have been answered again, work we already spend hours to. That was time wasted.
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 (15-26) defender (trauma)
Lucas M 16 (19) bridge-builder, self care (trauma)
Leon M 4 (trauma?)
Ferro M 14/24 protector (trauma)
Rami M 25 inner protector/caretaker manager
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
Jules M 11 main trauma holder with DID
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Re: About my alters

Postby Rive » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:56 pm

I just don't understand why I got a DID diagnosis and not a OSDD diagnosis. I really really like this therapist. She didnt diagnosis me with DID but she agreed with my DID diagnosis. Then she told me last session we wouldn't focus on what I was anymore and do IFS because it's more concrete. So does that mean she. Doesn't think I have it anymore? I don't understand why its DID because I have no present day amnesia and I am always just in passive influence no switching. I don't know if Thorne is distinct enough to be an alter.
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Re: About my alters

Postby fireheart » Mon Dec 02, 2019 8:02 pm

Well, treatment-wise it doesn't matter whether it's DID or OSDD. The treatment is the same.
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Re: About my alters

Postby Rive » Mon Dec 02, 2019 10:18 pm

Yeah, I just want to know for myself though.
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Re: About my alters

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Dec 03, 2019 1:14 am

As we've told you before, all the distinctions between the two are totally arbitrary and not based on what makes sense in terms of dividing things into categories. So knowing for yourself is meaningless. How would it make a difference?

It's the same as if someone said, "Ok, all people who are wearing shirts that are dark blue, come over here" and then they drew a line on the ground and said, "Stand on the left side if you're wearing very dark blue and on the right side if you're wearing medium dark blue." And you started looking at your shirt to figure out which it was, and comparing it to other people's shirts, and looking at it in different lights, and it looked darker sometimes, and less dark other times, and each time you saw a new person, you would run over and compare your shirt and ask them what they thought. And if they said, "It looks dark to me," you would say, "but it's not as dark as that person's shirt." And you spent all your time asking everyone which side of the line you should stand on.

That's what you're doing. You're spending all your time trying to figure out which side of an arbitrary line you should stand on, based on characteristics that are not fundamental to the issue, which is that you're wearing a dark blue shirt.

You have dissociated parts. Some sound very distinct from your descriptions and others might be less distinct. The more you get to know them, the more you will know how distinct they are. You have some amount of amnesia, at least for the past. But none of that matters as much as the fact that you had chronic and severe trauma starting in early childhood, such that you had to dissociate to survive. Dissociation interferes with one's ability to be fully involved in their life and to meet whatever goals they might have. And it doesn't go away without the right kind of treatment. And one of the first goals of treatment is to help you develop more communication with others in your system.
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Re: About my alters

Postby Rive » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:03 am

Because I don't want to be a liar. DID sounds worse than OSDD. If I were on my own I would not have to tell a soul what my diagnosis is. I am on disability so alot of people have to know and I chose to tell my family. So I don't want to be putting on that I'm worse of than I am. Not that my family cares because they don't try to understand anything. But that's why.
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Re: About my alters

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:45 am

But DID ISN'T worse. OSDD1b is just as much as result of severe childhood trauma--it's not a different disorder. Amnesia is very hard to assess, because it's often not noticed or remembered, and the definition of it for DID in the current DSM seems to say that only having amnesia for past events still counts as amnesia for DID. So if you have memory gaps from your childhood, that counts.

If you don't want to be "a liar," then just say that you have a major dissociative disorder. But based on everything you've said on here, and the fact that you have an official DID diagnosis, then you can't be a liar if you say you have DID.

Lying is PURPOSELY telling a falsehood. It's not lying to say something that you think is true. If that were the case, then every wrong answer on a test would be considered a lie, and anyone who scored less than 100 would be a liar.
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Re: About my alters

Postby Rive » Tue Dec 03, 2019 1:17 pm

Ok, thanks Gang
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Re: About my alters

Postby Rive » Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:49 pm

Floralie, I definitely would help you guys if I knew how. I only help if I feel I have something that is helpful and most of the time I do not. You're right I did have a DID specialist. I stopped seeing her because it is winter and I have to wait hours sometimes for my van. She works from home with no waiting room. So I am not to keen on freezing on her porch. Most of the time she seemed like she was uninterested in helping me and said my mom probably has DID and she has never met her and knows very little about her. Plus the main thing is I don't think she really cares about her clients and that is a big red flag for me.
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Re: About my alters

Postby vortexvoid » Wed Dec 04, 2019 5:13 am

Woah, this thread kind of blew my mind because my Others talk over each other ALL. THE. TIME.
OK not literally, but so often!
Jukebox plays music almost constantly, often in an attempt to drown out Critic's yelling. A lot of the time they're so loud together that I can't hear anyone else, but if we're really stressed, sometimes I hear others too. Often I have some who are angry or upset but then one trying to calm everyone down ( saying things like " everyone be calm it'll be okay" etc etc).
It's so noisy and I thought that everyone with DID was like that!
They also sometimes have more of a conversation back and forth, though I don't usually participate. It's more like I'm overhearing it.
It never ceases to amaze me how different systems can be. It's really pretty incredible.
Rae - current host

The Others:
Rachel, Rachel Joy, Keda, Taty, SS3NDASS, Killer, Critic, Kid, Void, and Jukebox

Our journey of discovery and getting to know each other
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