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Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

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Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Nov 22, 2019 9:51 am

** TRIGGER WARNING ** SEXUAL ABUSE, POTENTIALLY ONGOING ABUSE, AND EXERCISE **

When I was having the reliving abuse and flashbacks and talking to any fragments or parts that could talk I was shown and told about how my parents would make me and my sister exercise naked before they did sexual things to us.

There was much worse information parts shared but this is causing me issue at the moment.

My daughter started to spend more time with my father while I was working full-time. I tried to stop it but the social worker said I can't stop her seeing him, she's old enough to decide! Unless I can report and make concrete allegations of abuse. Which I tried to do but when in the initial police interview apparently I said "nothing happened" which I could kill myself for and I don't know who said that, I sort of think the police are lieing but I realise they are probably not because a part could easily say that. I had every intention of reporting when I went there, I thought I had when I left but apparently I didn't.

Recently she started to sound like me. She was "normal" before, she had crushes on boys (which I didn't, I was terrified of someone being attracted to me and to stop it got a scary bf which at the time made sense but looking back it made zero sense). She started saying things like "I don't like the boys at my school because they're wimps" (she used a teenager word not wimp but that's the meaning. This is how I used to think sometimes at her age because my father's brainwashing is "boys your age are stupid. They're wimps" and other stuff but my brain is blocking it all.

Then the last few days my daughter has been exercising every morning. And I'm finding really personally triggering. But not just personally triggering as in its waking up the parts who remember that stuff. I am also getting more and more panicked and terrified that my daughter is being abused by my father.

The social workers think my daughter would say if he's abusing her. They think she can decide whether to see him or not and they have effectively tied my hands in protecting her. I did try to report but obviously I failed and it's made it all worse. I am seriously concerned for my daughter. But if I say "I'm concerned because she's exercising (stretches everyday, I think me and my sister were made to do this before SA because I dislocated joints, she didn't because she is double jointed) and say I'm worried because she's gone off boys her own age they won't listen.
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Fri Nov 22, 2019 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: changes to trigger warning, detail
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Re: Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

Postby Floralie » Fri Nov 22, 2019 5:13 pm

WTF are they talking about. Your kids are underage. You can stop them seeing anyone you want, you're the parent. Every person in this world has not just a right but an obligation to stop underage kids meeting people who have abused children before. If your daughter exercises or like or doesn't like boys has nothing to do with it, you don't have to tell that. No ######6 parent let a known child molester meet their children. That is what you do tell, that you know what he is, because you experienced it. It doesn't matter if she's there less or more, WTF is she doing in there at all.

Abused kids don't like to talk about getting abused. It's humiliating, that's the nature of the crime. There would not be any frequently abused kids if they would just tell it like that. Usually abusers have ways to make them silent. A social worker who does not know that is a severe risk to people they work with.

Grandparents have no legal rights to meet their grandkids. You don't have to able to proof anything or do any official testimonies, the fact you were abused is a reason enough for you to stop it. No social worker can decide it for you, you make an official complaint about that social worker, you tell you told them this person abused you as a child and they think a kid should be made responsible if she gets abused in there or not, responsible if she's able to talk about it or not, responsible if it gets to continue or not. No, that's why they have parents and social workers for, to decide better because they can't. They can't especially if they're being abused at the moment.

-- Fri Nov 22, 2019 7:15 pm --

Trigger warning is wrong kind. It needs to tell this is about a child possibly being abused atm, it's way bigger trigger than memories.
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Re: Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

Postby Sarandipity » Fri Nov 22, 2019 7:20 pm

Floralie wrote:WTF are they talking about. Your kids are underage. You can stop them seeing anyone you want, you're the parent. Every person in this world has not just a right but an obligation to stop underage kids meeting people who have abused children before. If your daughter exercises or like or doesn't like boys has nothing to do with it, you don't have to tell that. No ######6 parent let a known child molester meet their children. That is what you do tell, that you know what he is, because you experienced it. It doesn't matter if she's there less or more, WTF is she doing in there at all.

Abused kids don't like to talk about getting abused. It's humiliating, that's the nature of the crime. There would not be any frequently abused kids if they would just tell it like that. Usually abusers have ways to make them silent. A social worker who does not know that is a severe risk to people they work with.

Grandparents have no legal rights to meet their grandkids. You don't have to able to proof anything or do any official testimonies, the fact you were abused is a reason enough for you to stop it. No social worker can decide it for you, you make an official complaint about that social worker, you tell you told them this person abused you as a child and they think a kid should be made responsible if she gets abused in there or not, responsible if she's able to talk about it or not, responsible if it gets to continue or not. No, that's why they have parents and social workers for, to decide better because they can't. They can't especially if they're being abused at the moment.

-- Fri Nov 22, 2019 7:15 pm --

Trigger warning is wrong kind. It needs to tell this is about a child possibly being abused atm, it's way bigger trigger than memories.



Moderators check my posts at the moment so hopefully they adjust TW as necessary.

Yes I, and any other reasonable person would think that everything you're saying is correct.

But it isn't. It's come from the police and more than one social worker.

I was told that my children can leave home to live with my abusers if they want to and I can't stop them. I was told that if I stop my children or make it difficult for them or even say anything against my parents to my children that I am the abuser, I will be considered dangerous to my children and they will put my children to be at risk from me.

So I have to either live with them visiting abusers or have them taken away from me.

When I went to hospital the children were placed with my abusers. In hospital, when I found this out (I thought they were with their father) I called the police and social services.

When I came out of hospital they said I couldn't have my children back. I called the police. The police wouldn't remove them. I accessed fragment memory to try to make concrete statement to the police. I was waiting for the proper interview. My children's father as the other parent said he wanted them home with me and that was the only reason I got them home.

Then I was told so much by police and social services that I was making it up, that I said it didn't happen, that I had probably dreamt it all that when it eventually came to the meeting with the police I was too broken to say anything useful. I told them about my uncle abusing me and they said they'd take a statement about that but never have.

At the time while my abusers had my children I was also still being abused indirectly - they stopped access to my own money, they stole my house keys, they called my psychiatrist to make him medicate me, they called my doctor to say I was crazy and wandering around naked but luckily I was in the doctors when they made that call.

I'm not believed and I'm not allowed to even talk to my children about any concerns I have for them. The psychiatrist is not trying to diagnose me with BPD.

Also there are no medical records from my childhood, I don't know why or how because I definitely went to a doctor.

My whole situation is f'd.


My mother was a magistrate, my step father was high up in social services and my father is in the Masons so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. When I got a threatening letter from the director of the health trust for my borough my bf complained to somebody else about it but nothing came from that either. So even though it's completely unheard of for a director of a health trust to write intimidating letters to a person who has just come out of hospital (the person the bf complained to admitted that and said he'd investigate but then blanked him) nothing was done. Complaining will not help me. Since my step father retired from social services he works freelance as a complaints decider person so he knows all then people.

I'm literally f'd.

I want to move far away and my children said they want to do that too - so they clearly aren't that much wanting to be around my parents. That seems like my only option.

When also considering its not just my parents who are abusive, my uncle is too, that means some of my cousin's probably are and my cousins are police, crown prosecution service solicitors - I have zero chance of anyone helping me or getting justice. Realistically I'd have to either find that one person who's willing to go against superiors or bribe everyone. So find a needle in a haystack willing to risk their job or become wealthy over night. Which if I was wealthy I'd bipass all that and save time and hire an assassin. So no justice for me.

When I met my bf I told him I have horrible parents, not details, just that because I didn't want them to turn him against me. They still tried, they told him I make stuff up and that I didn't go to uni (I had proof of uni so that was a stupid and weird lie). When he saw it all in action and they also tried to ruin his life, loose him his job, get him arrested for stealing my car because I asked him to move it with spare keys once I found out they had stolen my keys (but the police didn't catch him in my car luckily). He said he'd never seen anything like this, he couldn't believe what was happening, that when I said they were horrible he didn't expect all that. To me this is all normal.

My psychiatric admissions started because I was r****" by someone outside the family at 19 and started to say things about my family too so they put me in a mental hospital and I was drugged anf labelled schitzophrenic so I thought I was mad for years till a new psychiatrist said voices in my head isn't schitzophrenia and he took me off meds and sent me to therapy.

So yeah, everyone can think "do this or that" but normal procedure doesn't work for me. Calls go in as soon as I get "ill" and it's pretty much the same every time except this time I had a bf who didn't listen to their lies and when they threatened him and tried to ruin him because he wouldn't listen to them he got more annoyed and didn't run away. Sometimes I think he only hangs around because he feels sorry for me. And sometimes I think it's because he wants to abuse me too - but I'm starting to think probably not on that. And sometimes I tell him to leave me alone because seriously why should anyone else be dragged into my hell. If is realised all this before I had children or been aware of it I wouldn't of had any or at least ran further away before or did and I definitely would of made sure I cut all contact and not just left home and minimised contact. This is where DID is a curse to me because if I had consciously always known my parents were abusive I would of done things differently. But I didn't and I got labelled crazy and got medicated. So that's how it is.
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Re: Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

Postby KingsleyHere » Sat Nov 23, 2019 12:10 am

In some States yes there are Grandparent Rights laws.

Know you have a social worker but what about a therapist? You can even use the ruse that all four of you need to work out a peaceful arrangement. That's true enough.

What a difficult, stressful situation. Please let us know of future developments. Thoughts are with you.
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Re: Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Nov 23, 2019 10:30 am

KingsleyHere wrote:In some States yes there are Grandparent Rights laws.

Know you have a social worker but what about a therapist? You can even use the ruse that all four of you need to work out a peaceful arrangement. That's true enough.

What a difficult, stressful situation. Please let us know of future developments. Thoughts are with you.


Thank you.
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(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
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Re: Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

Postby Floralie » Sat Nov 23, 2019 9:04 pm

I do have to stay out from this conversation. I wish everything best for your children, and all victims in this case.

Things like this are the reason why I chose not to have children. This will be the last generation with trauma in our family, period. My attachment issues with people are too big I could provide safe childhood, and I avoided needing to deal with it and with the consequences and all it would cause to my children. I think I love my kids too much to bring them to this world, and that's why I don't have any.

I'll avoid dealing with it in other people's lives as well. In the end there's nothing good I can do here, I can just trigger us and it will not cause anything good. I'd have stayed out if I'd knew this is about a child probably being abused now and there's nothing I can do about it.

I wrote a long message with options and thinking different scenarios, but there's so much to it I erased it. You do have DID, and even when it's not your fault, it does affect your kids too and is something to be aware too. And that's why it's so complicated with social services etc. You do need to co-operate with cps etc, because you and your family does need support from outside. I think the most important thing is to not be against them, but be co-operative, ask if they think you would benefit from more parenting classes etc. What ever. To act like a reasonable adult who wants what's best for her kids, so it won't look like you're the only problem. It's also important to understand your DID is a problem to your kids too. It can not not affect them, when their mom goes away and there's someone who only communicates by looking at the colors. Of course it's a huge stress for them too. It's not your fault, so that's not something to understand to then go on self blame, it's just a thing to be aware of. It's very unfair, but parents are there to make things more fair to their kids than they are from themselves.

Your parents have ability to present themselves as a reasonable and trustworthy people to people involved, you need to aim to be able to be that too. Stability, co-operation inside the system too. I can't have your children's views to this, so I won't comment on them. That goes to the area where I won't.

I didn't say those things because I don't believe you, but to think of the way how to get back the control you should've. I do not know all the reasons, there needs to be lot of reasons why there's so many professionals now seemingly against you. I think you need to find out why, think of the ways you have talked and acted, because that is the part of this you do have control over. Over yourself, nothing else. They need to have a legal reason to stop you from parenting your kids the way you want to what comes to meeting your parents. If you don't know what is it, ask. And then do what it takes to change that reason they have to consider you unable to be suited to do a decision like that, and their view of you in that. I don't mean you say abuse didn't happen, cause it did, and you need to be clear. To be more clear you can tell it is so difficult for you, sometimes you can't deal with it yourself either and can't talk about it. That seems to be the system truth. Then you do sound clearer, although you haven't been able to co-operate as a system with it. You can't convince them with fighting against everyone and blaming several people, but showing them how you can be a reasonable person who can self reflect and don't just go around blaming everyone else, because that's the way this can come thru to them. When it does, it's a big problem. It will probably sound just aggressive or unstable depending how it's presented, and you won't be heard.

I'd report the abuse again by writing, and tell it's too hard to talk about it. Can you have support to that, to reporting about it? Because that seems to be important thing to do. Tell it how it is to you, it was so shocking to tell, it took you to a hospital. Try to be consistent with that, and consistently willing to work on anything else with all official people involved. I see that's the adult way to work with things. If you try to fight whole world, you will only end up in corner. And you already are in there. Now work your way out of there adult way. I'll hope you have strength to do that.

Now I'll sign out from this conversation.
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Re: Exercise triggering memories of SA (**Trigger Warning**)

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Nov 23, 2019 9:47 pm

I don't know if you'll see this Floralie: Contact with my parents was limited from about 15 years ago and I monitored it. I did alot of parenting classes when my eldest son was born. Social services say my parenting is "really good"

The contact with my parents got out of hand when I started to work full-time instead of part time about 18months ago because I wasn't around as much and was incredibly tired due to it being physical manual work. I have a crisis, went to hospital etc.

I wanted to stop all contact. I called the social services from the hospital, and got a nurse to call them. Their perspective is that I have brought my children up well, to speak up for themselves, to be aware of what is ok and what isn't so if my children still want contact with my parents then I should trust their decision. But it's very hard because I noticed a change in them, things they say, since they stayed with my parents and not their father while I was in hospital.

It is really difficult for me since the nature of my last crisis triggered alot of things but I do think the social services have a point. My children are not me. They are not brought up in a brainwashing environment. They are not in the environment I was in.

I went back to working part time now and so am less tired and around more. I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable but every time my children go to see them it is incredibly triggering. They are both with different people now so them not being together is a huge plus.

My eldest son who had the most contact because I didn't limit or monitor contact levels till he was 4 is the most effected. He has signs of ADHD, DID and has had various problems which is my main reason for seeking therapy - to test it to see if it's safe for him, he said he'll only have therapy if I have therapy. The younger ones have none of the issues he has. So while I get really triggered by anything that I feel is my parents influence my younger children are healthy and happy.

I haven't re-read this post but I would of been very triggered and distressed when writing it and the reality of the situation is probably less dia than the original post.
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Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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