Please Help - First Blackout?

I'll explain using "I, myself, me" to make it less complicated. I think I'm Michael. At least I was before this happened.

I was sitting alone in my room recounting times that's could've been traumatic for me, when an old memory I guess I had pushed back resurfaced. I thought it was kind of not a big deal to me, even though it did scare me a lot, and thought I was being over dramatic or something. I tried to recount it out loud, but ended up stopping abruptly and got this really weird sensation like my eyes were shutting and although the room was dark I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or shut. It was like a was seeing these shapes and movement and it made me think maybe I wasn't deeper into my inner world or something.

When I came back, I was mostly Riley. Well, Riley was driving. They being the reckless being they are, attempted to flippantly recount it too like a joke and it happened again. This time I came to and I'm not sure who I am exactly. Michael is still here, but now some person who really likes birds but i think they're gone?

I feel so lost. My head hurts and feels fuzzy. I don't know exactly what happened but I'm kind of scared and I jus think don't want my boyfriend to be scared that I'm my me pro leave me I'm just really scared. Thank you guys so much <3 I'm seeing my T tomorrow. I'll definitely bring this up but I need some advice and stuff if anyone can.

I'm not sure but it sounds as if some dissociative walls are breaking down but you're unfamiliar with the input you're getting so not sure how to interpret it. A lot of us get a lot more confused and things feel more chaotic at the beginning of awareness of DID and other alters.

Johnny-Jack wrote:I'm not sure but it sounds as if some dissociative walls are breaking down but you're unfamiliar with the input you're getting so not sure how to interpret it. A lot of us get a lot more confused and things feel more chaotic at the beginning of awareness of DID and other alters.

This is good to know, it makes sense. Maybe when I talk it over with my T we can better figure it out, I'll keep this in mind, definitely. Thanks so much! <3