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Stress

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Stress

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Nov 19, 2019 9:32 am

This morning I realised I'm "going crazy" because I'm stressed out about what's happening today.

My "going crazy" means I start thinking about computer stuff, hacking mostly. It's like a running commentary and of course the news always has reports to do with cyber stuff.

Once I realised this it pretty much stopped. Now I'm sitting letting myself be stressed about what I actually have to do today instead of this computer stuff.

Do you think this is to do with as a child blocking stuff out by imagining other stuff, not real stuff? It used to be imagining witch stuff as a child which doesn't really wash with an adult easily so now it's computer stuff.

It's horrible when you think about it, that a person can get so stressed out that they make up other stresses that aren't real to block out the real stress because the real stress is far too bad to face.

In this case the real stress isn't far to bad to face. I just have three crappy appointments I have to get through today. But this coping mechanism is in my brain so it kicks in at the slightest upset.
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Re: Stress

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Nov 19, 2019 2:22 pm

Sorry I didn't realize I made two posts pretty much about the same thing.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Re: Stress

Postby Johnny-Jack » Tue Nov 19, 2019 2:38 pm

This sounds pretty familiar, I think we have something similar but you be the judge.

We go into uber-panic mode sometimes, meaning there's something in real life we're worried about but the emotional dread, the fear is way out of proportion to the present risks. I'm not sure I've put it into such clear words before but the emotional state is always pretty much the same whereas the situation is not.

Like you, I remember back to childhood, at least junior high-ish times, maybe earlier, and this "high anxiety" happened then too.

I'm sure, for us at least, this points to an alter, likely a little because of the disproportionality, sense of helplessness, and raw quality of the emotion, who is feeling someone else's present-day worries, so the little (or the body?) is aroused and begins catastrophizing. We haven't used the phrase "going crazy" because we use that for something else but that pretty much sums up what it's felt like for us.

When I've had the presence of mind to do something about this, I'll front and speak like an adult (since I am one) to say I will take care of things, things are going to be okay, they're really not that bad, we know how to take care of this, we're not in any real danger even if it feels like it, etc. We had enough models of good caretaking by adults in childhood for this to be heard to some degree, safe adults taking charge in a reassuring way to protect us.

I've advised my adopted son to do the same thing, speak aloud in the calm voice of an in-control adult. I've told his littles in person that they have adults there who can and will take care of what they're worrying about, they can step back and relax and leave it to their older guys. It's tough getting through to a traumatized little though. They're not going to just dump their fear, most likely they can't. But consistent calming with a "I (or they) will take care of it, you don't have to" has made a difference over time. For my son's older alters as well, not just for the littles. Their adults, like ours, have a model of approach when they are feeling overwhelmed from worries inside.

I feel pretty confident this stuff is likely coming from a little (in my son, in me, possibly in other people with DID) because when I've asked his adults to identify and describe the fear, as in what does it feel like, it's a really similar quality to our fears. After he does, I've then asked for the little one who is feeling that to come forward so I can help them, which they do. I don't say there's nothing to worry about, I tell them they themselves don't have to worry, someone else will take care of things.

Another reason I feel confident is that our adults don't by themselves panic. Some of us are pretty avoidant of strong emotions to begin with or, left alone, we're good at deflecting them temporarily. We also can see, logically, that our emotions are out of proportion to the situation. We use the terms "being flooded" or "being swamped" by fear and we know these fears aren't coming from our adult alters although they are coming through to them.
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Re: Stress

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Nov 19, 2019 3:46 pm

Thanks Johnny Jack,

I hadn't really thought of it being a little that is coming through emotionally. I need to consider it in that way really.

Today I decided looking after myself was more important. The court, which was the main worry, wasn't important. It doesn't effect our life what happens to somebody else (I was supposed to be a witness). So I weighed up the level of distress over it and the point of being a witness and decided it wasn't worth going through the stress.

However it has still caused me alot of stress and emotional upset. Now rather than going delusional and feeling on edge I feel tearful, sort of disappointed and angry at myself. But I can still see the logic in not going because going was likely to make me feel worse. In the long run it was also tecnically better not to go. It was a very small matter which also proves to me that with a larger matter, like if I ever did manage to speak to police about what happened when I was a child I would definitely never be able to cope with it psychologically or emotionally. I don't care if other people think "I should report them" because I have been through enough and I choose if I can handle going through a whole court thing, not them or anyone else. And going by today, how stressful just a minor incident was, I would not cope or manage to to this with a bigger incident. So lesson learnt. I know my limits. Now I know my limits I can move forward in a way that respects my limits.

I will consider though if it would be useful to try to talk to parts and see who was distressed or where the emotions were coming from.

Thanks again.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
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Re: Stress

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Nov 19, 2019 8:04 pm

Now I'm feeling like I wish I had someone who loves and cares about me. Which I have never had. Every relationship has been abusive including the most recent one. So nobody who isn't abusive has ever loved me. Whether that is not giving the right people a chance or that because I was abused I attract abusers I have never been truly loved. And it's sad. And I probably never will be but that's how being abused and having this disorder has effected me so there's no point dwelling on it, I need to accept it and live the empty loveless life that I have because it's all I can manage. Not meaning to sound pityish I'm trying to be practical. Today was really hard even though I didn't go to court. It was the realisation of how awful the last few years have been and how I can't defend myself in a way a person without similar problems to me can.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1398
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:37 am
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: Stress

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Nov 20, 2019 10:29 pm

This feels like it was a week ago but I know it was yesterday. I had nightmares last night about being murdered by my father. I woke up feeling flat but I had to go to work and that sort of picked me up. Then I helped my youngest son with prime numbers and squared numbers - which he didn't know at all - for 2 hours. Somehow this made me feel ok to talk to my children about DID - Oh yeah, because I forgot something I should of remembered (not about prime numbers) they were all there while I was teaching and we started to chat and I explained how that happens, that sometimes I seem to forget things but it is there in my brain and that I have parts (the youngest was gone to bed and it was just the teenage children) and that when that happens I remember it like I'm standing behind myself or next to myself, that parts are me, I'm not crazy and think they are really seperate people, so if I don't remember I will remember if they push the subject and they seemed ok with that.

So from a bad day yesterday, nightmares and a flat start overall it was a productive day.
Main IW:
Obsidian
Beth KarenPatrickPeterRose
No-one Paul and Lilly
Terra Magicka: The Twins (Batcho and Fortune)Sue the secutary. Jane, a general memory bank.
(Silent Lake : The Overlord/Mr BrightsideThe Whisperers (whisper whats outside), The Lightbringers (shine on parts to front), Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings)).
Sarandipity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1398
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:37 am
Blog: View Blog (2)


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