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Soon to go it alone........

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Soon to go it alone........

Postby MeMyselfMaureen » Wed Nov 06, 2019 8:40 pm

We got a letter from out T today. Or rather it is the copy of a letter he sent to our doctor.

Our next session is the last of our allotted NHS sessions and I don't have the budget to go private for more than a couple of sessions. Maybe it's just me feeling abandoned or perhaps I am right to think that this strict rationing of sessions regardless of progress is wrong. I'll type here what the letter said and let you guys puzzle it out.

" Further to my last letter I have now seen this lady for her allotted 12 sessions of psychological therapy. As our meetings have progressed the whole person has variously identified as being an adult, an adult who takes on a more shrewd and streetwise role, a playful child and a terrified child. It has been encouraging to see the whole person experimenting with different systems for communication between different parts, including a notebook into which different parts contribute when they are "out". It would still appear to be the case that the different parts have very little memory about what goes on when other parts are active.

On reviewing the treatment the shrewd adult said it had been a useful process in that it reassured her that she was not "crazy". she acknowledged that the interactions between various parts is still rather uncontrolled.

We have agreed to meet for a handful of further sessions to address some concerns about and safe methods of sharing traumatic information between parts. Yours sincerely"

So to sum it up I have uncontrolled switching between parts that still have MAJOR dissocociative amnesia and debilitating flashbacks are a regular "concern" but because I am now aware of my condition and no longer see myself as "crazy" it's fine to leave me to muddle through on my own???

I thought therapy was meant to address the issues or at least teach you methods of dealing with the symptoms of your condition. All I have got is; a notebook to let me know what the others have done IF they remember/have the time to write in it, a bit quicker at taking stock when I "come to" and slightly better at guessing who is around on the inside when I'm watching (when I am fronting I am oblivious to the others) and I'm the one that has progressed the most if I am to believe what the T said at our last meating!

The only thing I have been taught is the Avoid,Explane,Replace . But that is only for substituting "bad" behaviours for "good" behaviors - we haven't had much use for it.

What about working through trauma? What about breaking down the amnesia? what about getting to the stage where we are able to call each other if someone is needed up front? Arn't these ment to be the goal of DID therapy? Grace doesn't even remember there are others most the time that she is upfront.....

Mo
Grace (host) Mo (protector) Peter (child) Elspeth (child) Midnight (unkown) Shadow (fragment, grief holder, toddler)
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Re: Soon to go it alone........

Postby Rive » Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:55 pm

Im so sorry that you wont have a counselor. I know its hard when you dont have the support you need. Do you live in a country that has Medicaid or Medicare?
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Re: Soon to go it alone........

Postby SOHank » Thu Nov 07, 2019 2:28 am

:o Sorry to hear that. :o

There is a lot you can do to assist with internal communication on your own and/or on here.

My advice on working to through trauma though is to wait until you have a T again or at least take things very slowly. Trauma processing tends to destabilize Sunflower even when meeting frequently with her T...
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Re: Soon to go it alone........

Postby Una+ » Sat Nov 09, 2019 4:01 pm

You accomplished a lot in just 12 sessions. I am impressed.

I am sorry the health care system available to you does not provide for more than 12 sessions. As you say you don't have the money to pay out of pocket for more sessions, is there something you could do about that? Either cut expenses elsewhere, or increase your income?
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Re: Soon to go it alone........

Postby MeMyselfMaureen » Mon Nov 11, 2019 8:03 am

Rive wrote:Im so sorry that you wont have a counselor. I know its hard when you dont have the support you need. Do you live in a country that has Medicaid or Medicare?


I live in the UK where the NHS provides free unlimited health care for physical illness...... Mental health is not so well supported - in fact it is rationed because we don't have the staff (at least in scotland) to provide anything but a rationed mental health service. There is just 1 PTSD psychologist for the entire highlands and islands - population wise that's like having just 1 psychologist for the entire of Iceland or New Caledonia or if you take Canada its like having just 1 pyschologist for prince edward island, nunavat, yukon and the northwest teritories combined!

My T is very good but he is spread thin. The day he has allocated to my county is fully booked with NHS cases if I want to see him privately I have to travel 4 counties away to see him in raigmore -(the big hospital).

As for income I am financially controlled. The only money I have access to is my disability benefit which is just managing to pay for my pension (I don't qualify for state pension -long story) and rent to my husband. We are not allowed out of the house without our husband escorting us (his rule not medical opinion) whenever Grace has suggested looking for work even seasonal Christmas work his response to us getting a job is " a colossal waste of time"

You guys are a great help I dont think I would have made quite so much progress if I hadn't been able to ask things on here.

Perhaps I'm not so alone after all :wink:
Grace (host) Mo (protector) Peter (child) Elspeth (child) Midnight (unkown) Shadow (fragment, grief holder, toddler)
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Re: Soon to go it alone........

Postby Sarandipity » Mon Nov 11, 2019 10:03 am

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:
Rive wrote:Im so sorry that you wont have a counselor. I know its hard when you dont have the support you need. Do you live in a country that has Medicaid or Medicare?


I live in the UK where the NHS provides free unlimited health care for physical illness...... Mental health is not so well supported - in fact it is rationed because we don't have the staff (at least in scotland) to provide anything but a rationed mental health service. There is just 1 PTSD psychologist for the entire highlands and islands - population wise that's like having just 1 psychologist for the entire of Iceland or New Caledonia or if you take Canada its like having just 1 pyschologist for prince edward island, nunavat, yukon and the northwest teritories combined!

My T is very good but he is spread thin. The day he has allocated to my county is fully booked with NHS cases if I want to see him privately I have to travel 4 counties away to see him in raigmore -(the big hospital).

As for income I am financially controlled. The only money I have access to is my disability benefit which is just managing to pay for my pension (I don't qualify for state pension -long story) and rent to my husband. We are not allowed out of the house without our husband escorting us (his rule not medical opinion) whenever Grace has suggested looking for work even seasonal Christmas work his response to us getting a job is " a colossal waste of time"

You guys are a great help I dont think I would have made quite so much progress if I hadn't been able to ask things on here.

Perhaps I'm not so alone after all :wink:


It sounds like you have two more pressing issues. It's how I'd see it, maybe others will see it differently. Firstly you can't go out without your husband, that'd be my first pressing issue and secondly he is somehow stopping you from getting a job if you want to. Those would be my priority. However I can see how that would unstabilise what you're used to and depending on past abuse it'd be harder. For me if I enjoyed something or felt settled in it it was taken away so I keep doing that to myself I realised. So for me taking away a husband that in some way made me feel settled would be normal and the uncertainty, loss and instability would feel comfortable. Maybe for you there was a stability in that you weren't allowed anywhere or to do things? At age 14 my parents didn't care where I was or what I was doing. I phoned them one night and said "I'm staying with a guy I just met in a pub" and they said "ok see you tomorrow" before 14 it was very overly controlled environment, and every action was monitored and like I said if I liked something or was good at it it was taken but after 14 the complete opposite and at 14 you do not make the best choices especially if you were allowed zero choices up till that point.

So although to me it looks like "omg you need to be able to go out alone" because that's how I did develope my own self away from abuse even though it was mostly stupid or dangerous maybe for you it does make you feel safe to have a husband who doesn't let you go out without him?

When I've been in controlling relationships they follow a pattern. I live with it, it doesn't bother me, I start to sneakily do things, then I tell them what I'm doing, they get angry, I don't care, and eventually I have enough and end the relationship and I feel free, like I did at 14. That's the basic pattern. But if you were always under childhood abuser control and then straight away your husband control then it's going to be different for you and destabilising to try to go out alone.

Also if you're used to always having someone with you then you could have panic attacks and derealization if suddenly alone. He'd have to slowly help you do it which it doesn't sound like he will.

We all have to play with the cards we're dealt so I wish you much luck and prayers that you can get help for this disorder that you need
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