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A part thats not a part

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A part thats not a part

Postby MeMyselfMaureen » Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:48 am

Yesterday was a big day with a lot to think about.

One of the things we were leveled with during therapy is that Shadowman isn't a "proper" alter. He started forming but the trauma he was dealing with stopped before he became fully autonomous and self aware. So now he is just an anthropamophised?? hallucination triggered by any extreeme stress. Which is why peteer sees him monthly (period) and grace sees him when she feals she hasn't met expectations and I dont see him because if things get $#%^ I walk away.

We have been told next time we "see" the shadow man to take deap breaths, find the source of stress and deal with the stress directly rather than paying the halucination attention. Eventually this new coping mechanism will replace the halucination.....

Given yesterdays cock up I'm not so sure.

Is it possible for parts to only part form? If so do you try to dissolve them or do you let them grow?
Grace (host) Mo (protector) Peter (child) Elspeth (child) Midnight (unkown) Shadow (fragment, grief holder, toddler)
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby Amythyst » Tue Oct 08, 2019 12:39 pm

I think we would refer to that as a 'fragment'. We have one or two in our system who feel 'not fully formed', they are very limited in what they do and how they appear, how often they appear.

However, we still treat them as equals to all others in our system. They are still alters IMHO and it would be as wrong to try to 'disappear' them as it would any of the others.

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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby myce » Tue Oct 08, 2019 1:12 pm

Parts can have a myriad of forms including fragments, constructs, machines, or as you put it, "anthropamophised hallucination."

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:We have been told next time we "see" the shadow man to take deap breaths, find the source of stress and deal with the stress directly rather than paying the halucination attention. Eventually this new coping mechanism will replace the halucination.....


Told by whom? If this idea came from within your system then that's fine, that's what the entity was made for. But if this idea came from your therapist then I would take it with a grain of salt. Therapists don't necessarily know what they're talking about.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Oct 08, 2019 1:23 pm

Hi,
Because of how jealousy was used in my family that emotion became suppressed. I thought "I wasn't Jealous" but it turned out it was suppressed like a big green cloud, not felt but still there. Not a part or an alter but an energy trapped inside. It's been shared amoungst parts and it's ok. I have felt jealousy for the first time in 30+ years and survived.

**TRIGGER WARNING - SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SELF HARM**

We have another cloud like this which is slightly more concerning. It's all the really negative stuff - suicide thoughts and self harm.

Again because of environment that was suppressed. When I self harmed as a teenager I wasn't shown care or compassion or even asked why I did it (because they knew why I done it I guess) I was shouted at and told if people saw that they would think I was crazy so those thoughts got suppressed into the ball of negative energy to do with suicide that must of been created when my aunt tried to kill herself (she told about SA and was told to "get over it" by family members which I didn't know at the time) when she tried to kill herself I was about 6 or 7 and there was alot of negative energy and talk about it and I vowed to avoid that at all cost. Again I thought I just had no suicidal or self harm urges till I realised they were in this giant black cloud that mostly effected Beth because she always was depressed and would see flash images of hurting herself. We thought it was how she was until she was co-concious with Paul. It's a ball of energy, like the jealousy, that is there but not integrated. It's not a part of any type of person it literally latches on to alters who are feeling low.
**END TRIGGER WARNING**

Again I think ideally it'd be about sharing that energy between alters but it feels more risky that the jealousy so currently it's being kept internally by Peter who will watch it the same way he watched the jealousy for years until we know how to deal with it.

So maybe this is a ball of negative emotions you've bottled up?
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Tue Oct 08, 2019 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: spell out "trigger warning"
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby andiKirkwood » Tue Oct 08, 2019 4:34 pm

myce wrote:Parts can have a myriad of forms including fragments, constructs, machines, or as you put it, "anthropamophised hallucination."

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:We have been told next time we "see" the shadow man to take deap breaths, find the source of stress and deal with the stress directly rather than paying the halucination attention. Eventually this new coping mechanism will replace the halucination.....


Told by whom? If this idea came from within your system then that's fine, that's what the entity was made for. But if this idea came from your therapist then I would take it with a grain of salt. Therapists don't necessarily know what they're talking about.


Aint that a scary thought someone saying to take it with a grain of salt that the T is telling them to take deep breaths and deal with their stress and triggers directly. thats what therapy is. we go to therapy to get help and learn how to face our problems. just saying.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby andiKirkwood » Tue Oct 08, 2019 4:50 pm

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:Yesterday was a big day with a lot to think about.

One of the things we were leveled with during therapy is that Shadowman isn't a "proper" alter. He started forming but the trauma he was dealing with stopped before he became fully autonomous and self aware. So now he is just an anthropamophised?? hallucination triggered by any extreeme stress. Which is why peteer sees him monthly (period) and grace sees him when she feals she hasn't met expectations and I dont see him because if things get $#%^ I walk away.

We have been told next time we "see" the shadow man to take deap breaths, find the source of stress and deal with the stress directly rather than paying the halucination attention. Eventually this new coping mechanism will replace the halucination.....

Given yesterdays cock up I'm not so sure.

Is it possible for parts to only part form? If so do you try to dissolve them or do you let them grow?

thats good that your T is teaching you how to ground, calm down face your triggers :)

I have a not full alter too. my T said theres a new name for this now. I have the new name. She said anything that doesnt fit a diagnosis is now called Other Mental Disorder No disorder no condition. I got real angry when she called my fragment of an alter this. the good thing tho was after calling my fragment of an alter this she explained more.

she said its just a formal thing. theres different defining things that are in my what she calls internal system.

she said I have parts. the normal kind of thing like if I drop something and think that was dumb thats called internal critic. when I am thinking about how to take care of things thats called being in care taker part and when I am not having problems, am being curious, asking questions, being compassionate and calm thats being in self part.

then I have full alters, they fit my DID like being different people.

that theres a third kind in me called alters that dont fit the full definition of alters but the problems they come with are real problems, instead of being called the old name fragments (not full alters in the defintion of DID alters) they are called the new name Other Mental Disorder no disorder no condition. we still get got to work on them, with them on the problems that happen, just in a different way. more normal like cause they are more normal like.

with those more normal like alters she has me doing the same deep breathing and facing the problems directly instead of acting out or giving in to them.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby Allcoulors » Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:25 pm

Andy, maby you can post the new defenitions your T is refering to? I have not heard of them.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:47 pm

andiKirkwood wrote:Aint that a scary thought someone saying to take it with a grain of salt that the T is telling them to take deep breaths and deal with their stress and triggers directly. thats what therapy is. we go to therapy to get help and learn how to face our problems. just saying.


The taking it with a grain of salt was for the idea that that part was just a "hallucination," as if that made them not worth listening to and understanding. If one's own system were saying that, it's one thing, but it's not for a T to presume that they know the extent of personhood of a part in the system.

Of course grounding is important, but calling a part a hallucination is demeaning and potentially counterproductive.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby andiKirkwood » Tue Oct 08, 2019 7:16 pm

Allcoulors wrote:Andy, maby you can post the new defenitions your T is refering to? I have not heard of them.

Ill ask her next time I see her. she also talked about it on another website that she is a member of and posted the link there about it. Ill ask her if I can repost that link here too.

-- Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:17 am --

TheGangsAllHere wrote:
andiKirkwood wrote:Aint that a scary thought someone saying to take it with a grain of salt that the T is telling them to take deep breaths and deal with their stress and triggers directly. thats what therapy is. we go to therapy to get help and learn how to face our problems. just saying.


The taking it with a grain of salt was for the idea that that part was just a "hallucination," as if that made them not worth listening to and understanding. If one's own system were saying that, it's one thing, but it's not for a T to presume that they know the extent of personhood of a part in the system.

Of course grounding is important, but calling a part a hallucination is demeaning and potentially counterproductive.

thanks dont sound so scary anymore.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby MeMyselfMaureen » Tue Oct 08, 2019 9:10 pm

Thanks guys.

So given that it was T deciding shadowman wasn't a person and could be wrong BUT evidently, as you guys have not quite fully part parts, he could be right and shadow man could be a fragment or a ball of emotion rather than a person would it be best to do the grounding WITH shadowman? I'm not even sure if that is possible but kind of taking responsibility for finding the trigger AND acknowledging his presence. Kind of a " I know your being mean because you are afraid. If I find the thing you are afraid of we can deal with it together." offer?

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Grace (host) Mo (protector) Peter (child) Elspeth (child) Midnight (unkown) Shadow (fragment, grief holder, toddler)
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