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A part thats not a part

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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Oct 08, 2019 9:29 pm

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:taking responsibility for finding the trigger AND acknowledging his presence. Kind of a " I know your being mean because you are afraid. If I find the thing you are afraid of we can deal with it together." offer?

Grace


Perhaps he will give you an indication of what he's afraid of so you don't have to just guess. That might take some time and trust. I have a part that I always thought was just anxiety, but it turns out she's a little girl, and she's able to tell me what she's afraid will happen in certain situations (when I'm open to listening and having her write about it). They're things that I know won't happen, but unless I reassure her, my functioning in the situation is affected by the anxiety.

So, when we had to go to a social situation that was stressing some parts out for other reasons, Claire was terrified that we would get "hit and yelled at" there. I went over it carefully with her--why that wouldn't happen--and then my pounding heart and shortness of breath and shakiness went away.

If I had just tried to do grounding and deep breathing, and assumed that it was the reality of the situation that was stressful--if I had ignored that this was a child with a child's irrational fears about the situation, then it wouldn't have been helpful. It never was helpful in the past when I thought I just had social anxiety.

If emotions are contained in a dissociated part, then trying to dismiss it as a hallucination isn't likely to be a helpful approach. Those feelings are separate for specific reasons, and the "source of the stress" is contained within them. It might have nothing to do with present-day reality other than being triggered by something that reminds them of the REAL trigger.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby Floralie » Tue Oct 08, 2019 10:47 pm

I second what TheGansAllHere is writing.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby myce » Wed Oct 09, 2019 12:45 pm

It's important for patients to always trust your own instincts and question your therapist if you need to. Many therapists are well-meaning but they don't know how to treat DID, and there are some who have malevolent motives. We also occasionally have trolls who come to the forum deliberately trying to mess with people. And so you were right to question something that seemed wrong to you, andiKirkwood. Thank you TheGangsAllHere for clarifying what I meant when I said "take it with a grain of salt."

It seems relevant to this discussion, so I would like to bring up an old discussion about grounding.

Here's the link: https://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic206233.html

Grounding and meditation are good practice therapists often recommend, but it is not always effective for us. It some cases it can cause more distress and dissociation. That's because the parts of the brain which do the work of grounding are literally knocked out by the trauma. But some forum participants have even said their therapists blamed them for being unable to do what what they're unable to do.

So when you're working on grounding, in is important that it should be a non-traumatized part, a host or "apparently normal part" (ANP) who does the grounding. Mindfulness is good exercise to strengthen your brain muscles to help you stay grounded when there are stress or triggers.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby SOHank » Wed Oct 09, 2019 3:31 pm

I don’t think hallucination is the right word, but could be on the right track. We found several that acted similarly, but that looked different and were never around at the same time. Meg, the T, and I started suspecting that they were seeing masks inside and it may just be one or two insiders. Over time, we are pretty certain that we were seeing D. (formerly The Man) wearing different masks. So though not a hallucination, he was not as he seemed as a result of the masks.

Alana was seen internally as a hovering tall shadow figure that encouraged self harm before I got to know her better. She is still seen internally as a tall and dark form, but more person-like. Like a lady wearing a black dress instead of eyes in black mist.

Biggest question I have is why are there only 8 more sessions? That seems incredibly short for any sort of effective therapy!

Fragments can develop further with time and effort. As to encouraging development versus integration or fusion… I’ve spent a lot of time thinking on that topic. Would the system as a whole be better trying to come together in order to more fully engage with the world as soon as possible, or developing fragments so all work together. After all, life is (currently) finite. I think it may vary case by case. So far I have no answer, and also realize that it is out of my hands anyway. That is a SF system question to answer and guided by her T. I still think about it though...
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby MeMyselfMaureen » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:50 pm

Hi
Just wanted to say thanks and will reply properly once we have digested everything said in here and in the grounding thread linked. ta

We were only supost to have 12 sessions as per NHS Scotland guidelines for PTSD. Our T argued for an extension due to him effectivly dealing with more than 1 client each time he sees us. NHSScotland agread 12 sesions per ADULT alter and as there were only 2 adults in our system when he made the application that meant only 12 extra sessions. Got a message from T to say that as my latest suidcide risk assesment score was low we are no longer entitled to weekly sessions. So we now have to wait a MONTH between each 1 hour session.

If Peter or Elspeth still have trauma to unpack when our sessions are up T will put us on the waiting list for child psychology but their list has a 3 - 5 YEAR wait and none of them have any experience in PTSD never mind DID !

Grace
Grace (host) Mo (protector) Peter (child) Elspeth (child) Midnight (unkown) Shadow (fragment, grief holder, toddler)
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby MeMyselfMaureen » Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:16 am

It is currently 3.46 am and I am typing here to help calm my nerves.

Grace Peter and I very nearly got lost in our subconscious this evening. Elspeth had been calling to us and we went to help her but we lost our body conection and when we tried to get back elspeth tried to drag us further in. Midnight had unlocked the door but elspeth wouldnt come out she just radiated fear it was overwhelming consuming I started to forget who I was who any of us was I started to disolve in to the emotion. Next thing I know a pet goose that has been dead 3 years turns up and leads us back to our body and vanishes. Grace is furiously scribling her understanding of what happened in our diary and I realize that it is very late, 2 am late. Peter is washed out, almost not there.

His conection to the outside was more fragile I guess. He is terified. Grace wants me to write down my version of events but peter is fading so I get out the crayons and ask him to draw what upset him. He is so week he cant even grasp the crayon. So I ask him to describe what he wants and I try my best to draw in his style but it doesnt look quite right because it is me not peter holding the crayon. The discrepancy makes peter agitated and he gets up and starts pacing. I dont like the distress he is in but it is letting him reconect with the body. after a LOT of pacing peter goes to wake up H. given past form I was expecting H to dismiss peter or try to trigger me to come out bevcause H doesnot like negative emotions. BUT he doesnt. Peter tells him he had a nightmare and he needs H and he doesnt want to become a tree or Mo to become a tree or grace lady to die. MAJOR BREAK THROUGH peter and H curl up together and H promises peter he will always be safe here and he can stay here forever if he wants and starts to talk with him about seahorses and christmas puddings as basically treated peter as the scared kid he was just then.

The reason for telling all of this on this thread is this experience has kinda clarified things.

1) Grounding didn't do dick. All it did was make me sink faster into the emotion that elspeth was emitting

2) I still dont know if shadowman is a fragment or an alter but I am prity certain he is a grief holder.
We have always thought our unnatural attitude to death was due to our autism. When someone dies we dont grieve we laugh. For us to cry when someone dies is illogical because we believe in an afterlife. Crying for someone who has left all the horror of life on earth for eternal happienes is in our eyes selfish, illogical and wrong. BUT what if we hold this belief because we were brainwashed into it. That our autism exacerbates it is unquestionable. Logic is preferable over emotion. If we were brainwashed into this abnormal attitude to death then there is going to be a huge amount of repressed grief bottled up somewhere.

3) We are definitely not ready for trying to unpack each others $#%^. Peter is way too week and I am too week. Given how scared grace was I'm guessing she was overwhelmed to or at least helpless. I havent read her diary entry yet.

Elspeths door has been left unlocked she is welcome to come out to the front but I'm not going back there. Peter feels very upset and betrayed I don't think he will be going back there anytime soon either.
Grace (host) Mo (protector) Peter (child) Elspeth (child) Midnight (unkown) Shadow (fragment, grief holder, toddler)
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby Johnny-Jack » Fri Oct 11, 2019 6:40 am

Grace, every system is different and I couldn't know what Shadowman is. But I do suggest you keep an open mind and take your time figuring that out. I think you're doing that.

We've thought many time that alters in our system were much less developed or distinct than they are. We've thought many were fragments. We've thought several were structures or processes rather than alters.

We knew we had a swirling wind that fuzzed our memory, even before we knew we had DID. But it turns out there has been a child alter behind this. Before we connected Xavi to the wind, our first reports of his existence was a shadowy movement in a dark region of "inside" (our mind).

Because we're male and met only male alters among a few dozen alters over years, we thought our young female alter Annie was like a representation or figment in another dimension, like a myth. But it turned out she was a pretty normal little girl behind a heavy dissociative wall.

We also thought at least two of us were just the emotion of overwhelming rage because that's the first thing we got from them. But later we came to know both are just boy alters. One had a developed social life -- a whole group of friends he spent time with -- and was more critical to our identity than we could have imagined.

That's my system but I give it as a caution to wait until you have more info.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby andiKirkwood » Fri Oct 11, 2019 6:37 pm

someone here asked if I could post about the other mental disorder no disorder no condition. I said I'll ask my T if I could post the link she posted somewhere else about it.

she told me no, the website she posted it on has a rule of no taking other peoples posts to other websites.

she did say that all you got to do is talk with your own doctors and T's, if they get something called supplemental updates, from the American Psychiatric Association they will know what other mental disorder no disorder no condition is and they will know why fragment kind of alters (alters that dont fit the full diagnosis of a full alter ) is called this now.
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby Allcoulors » Fri Oct 11, 2019 7:56 pm

If its an official new name for diagnosis your T should give you or be able to give you a link to post here. Why refer us to our own t or psychiatrist. Their not the ones who are giving this supposed new information. I find it disturbing and distressing to and for systems and alters
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Re: A part thats not a part

Postby myce » Fri Oct 11, 2019 10:20 pm

andiKirkwood wrote:someone here asked if I could post about the other mental disorder no disorder no condition. I said I'll ask my T if I could post the link she posted somewhere else about it.

she told me no, the website she posted it on has a rule of no taking other peoples posts to other websites.

she did say that all you got to do is talk with your own doctors and T's, if they get something called supplemental updates, from the American Psychiatric Association they will know what other mental disorder no disorder no condition is and they will know why fragment kind of alters (alters that dont fit the full diagnosis of a full alter ) is called this now.


I find it suspicious that a therapist would refuse to provide general information. I searched the term no disorder no condition and the only thing I found was that it's a code they might use for billing/insurance purposes if there is no diagnosis. Apparently the therapist is not only providing false information but she's being shady about it. Why?
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