Our partner

[life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Johnny-Jack

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Apr 29, 2021 2:50 pm

Thank you Iain for your kind words for Pride. We will try to encourage him to talk on the forum in the Little threads.




*****************************************CONTENT WARNING: GASLIGHTING***********************************

Since yesterday evening it's a bit difficult for me. The father sent us a text message criticizing that we wrote in some of our blog posts that we have been through abuse from the family. He told us that we remember things badly, and that we should talk to him and the mother and the brother so that we can realize how wrong we are about the abuse.

******************************************END WARNING*************************************************










I spent the evening and night and this morning in paranoïd fits. It feels like the parents are always watching our every move, that they are invading our every intimate privacy. That the abuse keeps going on even after we did our best to keep the tiniest possible link with the family (one text message every 4-6 weeks, just enough to let them know we're still alive). I mean, they still send us some money regularly so, well, one text message every 4-6 weeks is a small thing in exchange for the money we recieve.

We thought we had reached an equilibrium that way. Turns out that, no. The father still wants to gaslight us into saying that we are wrong and into apologizing for being hurt by the family's inadequate behaviors.

Well, if he does not like reading online that we are still suffering from the family's actions, he can do what he knows best how to do: close his eyes and turn away.

We are not going to censor ourselves because he is uncomfortable. It is enough for us to deal with our own emotions. He can deal with his. It's not our responsibility to deal with his insecurities and his inability to see that, even if he did not want to hurt us, he still did. They all did. (And I'm still pretty convinced that the mother and maybe brother did at least part of it, out of sadistic pleasure but well, innocent untill proven guilty and all that... We're still pretty badly hurt in the end. It's all that matters.)

I managed NOT to answer angrily to his text. Just some bland sentence about still waiting for the last pieces for the kitchen. I also managed NOT to kill off all our professional social medias in a desperate gesture of self-protection. We did nothing wrong. We do not name the family, we use a professional name that is not our birth name, they have nothing against us. We did nothing wrong. And shutting up about being survivors is not the healthy way to deal with it.

So we decided that next time they invade our privacy and cross the line, we will give a warning. We do not want to talk about it and if they don't like it, stop reading our social medias. If they keep trying to talk about it, we block them. We might loose the money but, well, if money is good enough to make us send a text every 4-6 weeks, it's not good enough to make us take their bullshirt and gaslighting. Better no money and no gaslighting than taking abuse in exchange for money.

If they refuse to hear us say "This hurt in the past and it still hurts now" well, they do not deserve any social access to us.

We cannot block them on social medias since they stealth-read (they read what is public without following using a private account) but we can block their texts if they become too harrassing.

Not my problem if they don't like it.

Well, I hope that this time over, we're doing the whole boundaries and protection thing right. Not over-doing it in a self-sabotage way and not under-doing it for fear of being abused if we set boudaries.

__
Zami
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Apr 30, 2021 1:25 am

I'm sorry that happened. We can really relate to that trapped feeling, and experienced it just last week. It helped us to remember that nothing in our life had actually changed, and that we were still safe. But it was very hard.

I'm wondering--why wait until the inevitable next time and put yourselves through all this again?

Maybe there's an intermediate step you can take, by letting him know that you don't plan to respond to texts that contain criticism of your writing, and you don't plan to change anything you've written. Then you just follow through with that by not responding to those texts and just keeping up the every 4-6 week texts that you're ok.

I don't know--it just seems like it might be worth setting some kind of boundary now. But of course you know yourselves (and your family) best. We're just sorry you're suffering and wish we could help. :(
TheGangsAllHere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4162
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:15 am
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 10:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Apr 30, 2021 10:15 am

**********************TRIGGER WARNING : all sorts of abuse, heavy gaslighting*****************************




We would do it if only it worked that way.

Sadly, the body's family works along the lines of:

- When we told them to please not touch us sexually, they answered with "Oh but it's only a game" or "I have the right to do it" or "Stop hurting your mother by pushing her back when she wants to kiss you on the lips".

- When we asked for help regarding a situation outside of the house, they answered with "I do not want to hear about it" or "Stop imagining things" or "Stop hurting people by telling lies".

- When we tried to be more assertive, explaining that we learnt at school or otherwise that children are allowed to say no, they answered with "These are manipulative techniques by bad people who want children to disobey their parents".

- When we would complain that they beated us too much and too often, they answered with "I am not beating you I am punishing you because you deserve it".

- When we would ask outsiders for help, they answered with "Stop lying" or "Stop dragging the family's name in the mud" or "Stop doing it on purpose to hurt your mother".

The father texting us asking to not talk about family abuse was merely the continuation of the same ongoing gaslighting and boundaries violation. Setting boundaries never work with the family. We had to block almost all of them from calling us on the phone because they would not respect the "Please no phone calls, only paper letters" boundary. Which they answered by completely stopping sending letters/postcards (before blocking their numbers they would send cards for birthdays and religious holidays). One of them even started calling us with many different numbers in order to walk around the blocked numbers.

No, setting boundaries never work with them unless they are physical boundaries. Ignoring them sometimes work - which is what we are trying right now by ignoring the gaslighting remarks. If this keeps going, the only way to have peace will be a full block of all numbers they will use to contact us.

They have a very toxic way of behaving and full on deny any personal boundaries. We grew up with no intimacy of any sort - they would barge into the bathroom and yell at us if we showed discomfort, they would search our personal belongings reading anything we wrote, would yell at us for having private passwords on emails or bank accounts or computer, and would keep trying to look at our fingers typing the passwords every time they could sneak up on us, trying to memorize it so they could have access to our personal informations. There was a time period when we would get yelled at for not posting enough personal, daily informations on our Facebook for them to read. We ended up making up funny stories about silly everyday things just to make them shut up. (Example: "Lost a sock in the wash today".)

Only physical, unbreakable boundaries can work with these people. We are willing to give them another chance of never bringing some subjects up again (because, well, given our finances, any little money thrown our way is very welcome) but next time we will full-on block them because it is the only thing that works with them.

__
David




***********************************END WARNING***********************
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Apr 30, 2021 3:37 pm

Thanks for explaining, David. That makes total sense.

What we experienced was much more subtle and not spelled out in words, so our family of origin tries to avoid conflict and not stir up our "irrational" anger at them. That sets up a whole different dynamic in which we have a little more power--and financial independence makes a big difference also.

It sounds like you really have a good handle on how to approach them. I hope it works out so that they essentially leave you alone, but also keep sending money. 8)
TheGangsAllHere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4162
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:15 am
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 10:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Apr 30, 2021 6:05 pm

Thank you for the support, Gang!

Well, we do not "need" the money as in, needing it for the bare necessities. But it does help on the long run. I mean, we've been in our new place for more than a year and still camping in it because no kitchen properly installed yet. We need to get the walls re-done too, the wallpaper has the texture of tree bark which the cat loves to destroy and tear appart, atop of that it's of very bad quality and the wallpaper glue has been used very scarcely so this new wallpaper was already falling off at the top when we arrived. Half our stuff is still in boxes because we have not been able to finish working on the big bookcase because of the pig workman incident (btw we contacted consumer support associations, they cannot help, it feels like NOBODY can help with that it's just AAAAAAAAAA). And some of our medical transition stuff is not covered by health care or insurance.

So, yeah, any bit of money coming our way is welcome. The disability money covers the bare necessities, but for everything else, it would take years of saving if not for the parents' money.

Dealing with the parents takes a toll on our mental health. But so does camping in our own appartment and using cardboard boxes as furniture and waiting and waiting to save up money for transition surgeries. (We do not count on GoFundMe's because we are so bad at self-advertising)


****************************WARNING: mention of psychological torture as a metaphor*************************




It's a balance to find between dealing with the parents' bullshirt once in a while, and dealing with everything else on an everyday basis. The parents' bullshirt causes strong triggers once in a while, the rest is an exhausting everyday Chinese water torture.

We're trying to manage the whole to get the fastest possible outcome of getting the things done for our well-being. Though, the Chinese water torture would be more bearable on the short term than getting a shirtstorm from the parents. Therefore in case of shirtstorm, we'll block them and go back to sitting patiently under our water droplets. If the situation does not go into shirtstorm, we'll just deal with the burn once in a while so we can get away from the droplets faster.





**********************************END WARNING******************************

As if dealing with everyday DID and autism stuff was not enough already, atop of all the everyday adulting things.

Good thing we are dissociative: this way we can "forget" our worries by dissociating which makes everyday adulting easier. We only need to remember the big worries when the bullet journal says "Today we tackle that thing for 20 minutes then we can forget all about it again".

We thought we were ready to start DID therapy and tackle everyday amnesia. Turns out, we still need that birch. *le sigh*

Okay enough about it, I'll just slip into bed and eat chocolate and forget about it again!

__
Zami
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun May 09, 2021 4:54 pm

.
.
The blending issue - by Solomon

Lately, we have started experiencing blending in a different way than the usual one.

Usually, we would be blended all of us together, and get a huge confusion on who we are at some point. This would last for a few hours.

Lately, we have had episodes of blending by twos. Me (Solomon) would blend with Hohenheim, Lust with Trisha, and Urielle with Zami and/or the G/Hosts.

The Urielle cluster does not mind. Lust and Trisha found it funny. Hohenheim did not mind.

But me, I do. I do mind a lot. The idea of blending with someone else, or integrating material from other alters, freaks me out.

I know all of the bad events happened to us as a collective - but it did not happen to me as an individual. I do not relate directly to this heavy material. And the idea of integrating it, makes me really anxious.

I do not want this. I do not want to blend, even less fuse, and I do not want to integrate traumatic events. Right now, the best I can manage is, accessing the objective memories and aknowledging that they happened to the body. But I will not, I can not, relate to these events. I can not see the body's personal memories as mine too. They are not mine. They are scary enough as they are. I do not want them near me. I do not want them as part of me.

We do our best as a system to work towards accepting all the different aspects that we are as a collective - but as an individual, I can not, will not, want not, accept this as mine. The simple idea of it makes me anxious and nauseous.

Rationally, I guess that this might be linked to "transe logic" or "delusion of separatedness" but I do need it. I do need to keep away from all of the bad memories, all of the heavy emotions. I need them away from me. As far away as possible.



Why I am a persecutor - by Zami

**********HEAVY VERY BIG TRIGGER WARNING until next big title for: Gaslighting, abuses of all sorts, self-harm, mention of suicide ideations**********

For a long time, I acted like a persecutor, looping us all through traumatic flash-backs and intense, bad emotions. I knew no other way of making sure that the reality was really real.

I realized the why and how of it all after the ordeal of recieving the father's latest text message. The constant gaslighting started very early. It made me doubt everything, every single memory, every single feeling, every single thing that I was seeing right under my eyes.

You know the thing from "1984" when the protagonist is shown two lights and is told there are three lights and he ends up seeing the three lights in the end? That's exactly how it was living with the parents.

We would be beaten up and told in the same time that it was not happening. We would have traumatic reactions, be beaten up for having the traumatic reactions, and told that this reflex reaction was a lie and a manipulation. Each time we pointed something bad happening right now, we were told to stop telling lies, to stop inventing things, to stop muddying the family's reputation. We were sexually abused by people who told us, as it was happening, that it was not happening and who beat us up for saying no. While saying that they were not beating us up.

Things would happen and we were constantly told they were not happening. Our classmates would say things to us (for example, inviting us for a play date) and the parents would tell us right afterwards that the classmates were telling lies, mocking us, and that we must not go. The parents kept telling us that all friendships were fake. And when we could ask them for help regarding bullying, suddently they would say that the schoolmates were kind people and never doing anything wrong and that we were making things up and being mean to the schoolmates.

The only unchanging things in our enviromnent until we finally got out of the parents' house at age 24, were books, movies, and pain.

I tried to cut, to anchor us into the reality, to make sure that the reality was real. At the first sign of cut, we were beaten up so I stopped doing that. I scratched badly instead and boiled the skin with hot water - same result. The parents would barge into the bathroom and yell and hit if they saw we were hurt. I stopped trying to hurt the body in visible ways because this only lead to more abuse.

So I turned towards inner self-abuse.

The constant loop of triggers, flash-backs, living the abuses again and again and again - and with the autistic persistence of sensory inputs and hyper-sensitivity, it was like re-living the things but ten times more intense. In a loop. For hours.

How else were we supposed to know for sure that it was all real, outside of hurting from it again and again and again? I knew no other way of making sure it was real.

The text message from the father was triggering again. I managed not to hurt the body. But the flashback loops are close near-by. It makes me want to scream and hit my head on the walls.

Will it ever end?

It makes me doubt everything, the reality of the physical world, the reality of my own existence, the reality of being dissociative, the reality of being autistic. Heck, when we started looking for a diagnosis of autism, the parents told us that we were making things up in order to muddy their reputation!

Same when we tried to get help for depression and suicide ideations. The parents told us, with that nasty sadistic smile, that we did not need therapy, we needed more punishment.

Beaten up for being autistic. Beaten up for not agreeing on being their sex doll. Beaten up for not being their maid in a perfect enough way. Beaten up for being in depression. Beaten up for having meltdowns. Beaten up for trying to have friends. Beaten up for not having friends. Beaten up for asking teachers at school for help. Beaten up for trying to self-preserve. Beaten up for asking why we were beaten up. And lastly, beaten up untill we dissociated and accepted for reality whatever new fancy the parents came up with. Even when they were telling us that there are three lights instead of two.

The only way I had to know if something was real, was to loop it and make sure it hurt so bad that suicide seemed to be the only possible issue to that pain.

Because everything else, was not real. Everything else was fake, made-up, bad memory, or a manipulative lie from our part in order to make our parents suffer.

We really had a forked-up family.

**********END OF TRIGGER WARNING**********



About the Mirror hypothesis - by Hohenheim

We noticed that we have "mirrored" other characters. Lately we have been watching Netflix's Lucifer series and mirrored Lucifer, Amenadiel, Pierce and Dan. They all feel like they stem from the same place as Aragorn. We are not sure yet about Sherlock Holmes and Wolf.

At first, we thought that the Mirror might be Envy. After all, they are the introjection of a metamorph creature. But, Envy has only one humanoïd shape and stated clearly that they want to be their own person with their own face, instead of being a chameleon-like creature the way "Anime Envy" is.

We also remembred that the first time Sherlock Holmes showed up - long ago, before we were aware of being DID and thought we were merely otherkin - it was in a mirror way. Zami and the G/Hosts were aware that Holmes was some sort of cameo appearance. We had spent a whole week-end at a Sherlock Holmes event, cosplayed as Holmes, with no other clothes to change into. I do not see any better way to trigger a "mirror-shift" into character.

This strenghten the hypothesis of a Mirror alter.

The next step would be, I guess, to identify who is this Mirror and try to interact with them, get to know them, understand their place and role within the system, and so on.



Latest news regarding other things

KITCHEN: we mailed the professional workman, no answer so far. Will need to contact him again.

BOOKCASE/BUFFET: same.

PIG WORKMAN SITUATION: waiting for news trying to get some help. This will need to go to the justice which means a fudgeton of papers which means it might be good for us to get help doing it. No insurance nor customer association can help.

GENDER CHANGE ON THE ID: still waiting for the papers from the judge.

GENDER TRANSITION TOP SURGERY: our insurance does not cover the extra fees.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby fireheart » Sun May 09, 2021 5:00 pm

Hey. Just wanted to let you know that we are reading and relate, especially about the gaslighting and SH.

I hope things will calm down for you soon. Hope you can focus on grounding and soothing in the here-and-now.
fireheart
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1022
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 4:37 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri May 14, 2021 1:41 pm

I wanna facepalm and sigh at the same time. Can I?

Our system's structure is shifting yet again.

Saul appeared to help us deal with puberty 2.0 (gender transition, hormones and stuff). But, since I (Urielle) am already transmasculine as per my own identity definition, Saul's role was sort of redundant. And I kinda "phagocyted" him. Which means that I'm a triple fusion now: Uriel, Theia and Saul.

So much for doing a rollcall a few days ago.

The Mirror or chameleon alter spent most of yesterday's night trying to discuss with David, which means we did not catch a very much lot of sleep. Apparently they can take really any shape, depending on the situation.

They might be one of our defense/protection mechanisms and part of the fawning process. But now that we are living in a way safer environment on an everyday basis, they kinda don't know what to do with themself.

We thought that they were part of the Zami cluster but it turns out, they are sortof separate from Zami? But the fact that we mistook them for Zami due to their defense/protection role explains why they eluded us for so long.

The G/Hosts might be aspects of the Mirror cluster? Or entertwined with the Mirror? It feels like they are similar in some ways. A friend told us that it kinda makes sense for a social alter to "mirror" the environment like a chameleon in order to blend in. But then, why arent they part of the Zami cluster?

Why is it so complicated to try and make sense of things?

These latest observations aside, it would be so nice that things settled down long enough for us to have a stable structure for a while. Okay, being in a constant state of evolution and change is kinda the natural order of the things but it's exhausting! When does it even stop? How does it even stop?

We dont want to fuse or at least not fuse too much but yelp, apparently our brain descided to troll us and shift its structure.

Fusing is scary. Becoming one with others feels nice but only in a blending kinda way. Total fusion feels... lonely. Plus, even if healing and stuff is all nice and well, it also means that the last visible proofs that bad stuff happened to us, is fading away. And that's scary too, especially with the latest gaslighting triggers we had.

Why cant things just stop moving long enough for us to get a clear picture and understanding?

__
Urielles. (Uriel + Theia + Saul)
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed May 19, 2021 10:33 am

We discovered a nice game on the phone! And I think it's worth talking about it.

The name is Alter Ego. It's a tapping game (you gain energy by tapping the screen and buying bonuses giveing you energy as time passes) but it's also a story-game of some sort (you interact with characters and your relationship with them evolves with your choices) and a personnlity test/ psychology game (well for all that's worth when the tests are 5 to 12 questions only and the analysis they give covers half a phone screen) as well as a list of reading suggestions.

Yep, all of that wrapped together.

The story is simple: you walk / run through a black hallway looking for answers about yourself, facing "whispers" (intrusive thoughts related to the books you read in-game and the choices you make in-game). When you have gathered enough of insights or "ego" (through taping them or reading books in-game) you can meet with Es (your freudian "Id") who chats with you and makes you go through personality tests. Sometimes, Façade (your freudian "super-ego") gives you insights about what choices to make regarding your relationship with Es. There are three different endings: one in which Es overcomes you, one in which Façade overcomes you, and one in which you stay in control of everything throughout the whole game.

In this latest ending you get more book suggestions through chatting with Es.

Why did we like it?

Well, the game is short to play, the personality tests are concise. We plan on doing different runs each of us by turns, trying to understand our different ways of thinking through the insights given by the tests. Even if they are not the best analysis, they give new light to our ways of being, and can give us food for thought - such as, why we think the result is accurate, why we think it is not, or maybe, have new introspection subjects to discuss among ourselves.

We enjoy the simple gameplay as well as how it evolves: it really gives the impression of walking through a mind with all the thoughts ("whispers") dancing around. We related to some of them, found others just random, it really mirrors how we experience our thought patterns to be. The esthetic of a black, empty hallway echoes the book we are in progress of reading (the House of Leaves, for those who are curious) and we liked that. The black-and-white color palette, with hints of blue, also mirrors the book we read and we liked that again. It is easy on the eyes which is always a plus for us.

The different symbolism used throughout, we liked a lot. Façade is two halves of a face, one masc one fem, and Façade is called a "them" by Es. Also, Es lives in a library; chatting with her after the "player is in control" ending, we can discuss the books read through the first parts of the game, and also "borrow" other books and discuss about those too. We're planning for next year to read all the books suggested by the game. Some we already know about like The Little Prince, Kafka's Metamorphosis, Frankenstein... Re-reading them in the light of the few comments made in-game by Es will be interesting. The results of the tests are given as shards of a shattered mirror, echoing the fact that they are just parts of the big reflexion of the player, and not the whole.

Little details as a cherries on the cake: when tapping Es at random, sometimes she says "Silence is not consent"; for some tests if the answers are too dark, Es reminds the player that the tests are just a game, not a therapy, and that if needed, go see a therapist instead of relying on a game for therapy.

So, for now, we plan on finishing House of Leaves then we'll re-play the game many times while taking notes on our results, for further thinking and pondering about how we function, think, what aspects/ideas/opinions/points of view we have more often in common, on what tests we are more often in divergence, and so on.

I guess it will be more fun than bigger, more detailed personality tests, because it will be more in the matter of giving hints and nudges for self-discovery rather than spitting out a 10 pages ready-made analysis.

__
Zami and Urielles and a lil bit of the G/Hosts.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Mon May 31, 2021 6:12 pm

WE GOT A DID THERAPIST WHOOOT!!!

Okay, she ain't perfect (she gave us the card of one of her collegues working with something that kinda sounds like pseudoscientific? we'll look into it), but hey, she talks a lot about therapeutic alliance, about thinking together as a team what we are going to work with and at what pace, also she said that we did our "homework" very well (becoming conscious on how we work as a system, mapping the system, being as aware as possible as who fronts when, what parts contains what traumas / functions, etc.) and she congratulated us for that.

Me gusta congratulations. I love getting good therapy grades. I'm going to make a powerpoint of system mapping for our next appointment. Well, will have to print it to give it to her. But, I'll make a pretty powerpoint! I love powerpoints!

(David: TOMORROW, Zami. Not tonight.)

We're going to work together on a therapy plan and that's something that was a positive trigger for the whole system. Making plans, lists, organizing stuff, mapping, it's so soothing! Me loves putting everything in order!

Started reading "The haunted self" too. It's our new favourite book. We are bookmarking so much of it that the weight of the sticky bookmarks is greated than the weight of the book. Almost. Well, will be when we're done reading it. It will help us better understand the system, and the functions of each of us, not only as "system functions" or different identities, but also as "bodily functions" (types of reactions and situations dealt with, etc.)

Between that and other therapy/analysis books that we bookmarked and other stuff we are going through one by one to better understand how each of us functions... Welp, we're far from being done and we have tons of self-discovery to do and ME GUSTA INTROSPECTION!

I just hope I'm not being too euphoric about it all. Things can be good. Things can turn bad. Things can be in-between (the therapist can help us on some stuff and not be able to help on others). After all, it was only the first contact. We will get a better picture of her work and our work with her, as time goes by.

For now, I'm just glad it went well.

__
Zami
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:23 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

PreviousNext

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: ArbreMonde, Dwelt, Truly_happy, WeAreOne420 and 82 guests