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[life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby Truly_happy » Wed Jun 09, 2021 7:53 pm

Yes, a lot did get lost in translation! Okay, I totally get what you meant now. :) I'm just glad you have a "fuel" to get better and know what there may be better fuels out there. And I would not have said that loving your abusers would make them stop abusing you. That doesn't even make sense to me.

Do get better, y'all.

- Marcella
We are the Neighborhood, a DID system of over 30 people.
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Cullen - male, 13, loves life
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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Jun 09, 2021 7:59 pm

Thank you, Marcella, for clarifying this part!

We have so many bad memories that sometimes they get triggered by random acts of kindness. Well at least we managed to keep it under control in here! Yay us!

__
Zami.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby Truly_happy » Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:27 pm

Wow, an act kindness can trigger your trauma/bad memories? (My first thought to this is, "I can't win." :( ) I can't imagine why that would happen. Care to expand one that, Zami? Anyone?

- Marcella
We are the Neighborhood, a DID system of over 30 people.
Hosts:
Imre ("EEM-ruh") - male, 20s, compassionate
Cullen - male, 13, loves life
Marcella - female, 30s, visionary

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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Jun 10, 2021 6:27 pm

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***********************TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE WHOLE POST: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE / GASLIGHTING / SEXUAL ABUSE / MANIPULATION / ALCOHOL************


Here is one example among too many examples.

One day, the mother proposed to gift us some beauty salon things. We had told her that we were skipping beauty salon because we needed our money to pay for the driving licence, so she offered to pay for a beautician because we were so diligent and well-behaved with our money. She knew someone who did these things at home which sounded very nice to us. So we said yes.

After the beauty cares, we were ready to make some coffee to thank the lady for her job, when the mother just looked at us with that sadistic smile of hers and asked: "Well, what are you waiting for? Pay her!"

We were baffled, reminded her of her promise. She made a scene, placing herself as the victim of some nasty trick from our part, and told us that we were very very bad for using the beautician against her. We ended up paying the beautician while the mother was commenting on how entitled and nasty and bad we were.

This is only one example from a lifetime of such examples.

Other examples would be: father or brother (I am unsure at the moment) would give us money for doing something in the house and mother would take the money back from us because "No money exchanges between family members".

Mother had us put ourselves into the trash the Xmas gift we had just recieved from an aunt she disliked.

When children, we would be very specific about the kinds of gifts we would like or dislike. Mother always made sure that we would get only the "dislike, do not give this to me please" list. And she would make a point to give to the brother, the items that were on our "absolutely love" list.

A "friend", later in life, offered to "help us" with health things using massages (we had awful back pain at that time), ended up raping us pretending it was part of the massage therapy and repeating that we "asked for it" through energy, chakras and the like, just "did not know it because of depression and autism". Then, his girlfriend told us we should be "glad" she "allowed us to have sex with him".

A past "friend" offered us a bag of candy chocolates, started laughing when we ate some, then told us they were past the date and that's why she gave them to us. She also tried to have us eat rabbit food pretending it was cereal.

Past "friends" helped us for something, pretended it was out of kindness at first, then spent a few years reminding us of this help in order to get a lot from us (sex, housekeeping, paying for their groceries...) and calling us "ungrateful" and "selfish" each time we pointed their abusive behavior.

Other people pretended to "kindly" offer us alcohol even though we said "no". When we refused and spat out what they forcefully poured in our mouth, and emptied the glass they had given us on the floor / into a nearby houseplant (unsure which one; maybe it was outside and we poured it down onto the grass? There was another instance when we did pour the glass into a potted plant but no alcool was forcibly put into our mouth in the potted plant incident), we were called out for being "bad" and "nasty" and "crazy" because they were "only being kind" by offering us the drink.

Sometimes the brother would offer us something, and it would turn out he had put boogers in it or (later in life) rubbed his privates in it. The whole context is blurry for me at the moment, I only can access our feelings of disgust, the "bodily fluids" and "sexual assault" disgusted feelings, and the memory of the brother's triumphant face.

The ex's family would only gift us cooking supplies so that we would cook for our ex, or sexy underwear to be sexy while having sex with him.

At school, some "friends" kindly offered to help us send messages back and forth between us and a boy we had a crush on and who, said them, had a crush back. Turned out the boy's letters were written by them, and they made fun of us for a few weeks this way before humiliating us publicly with one last move. The latest letter was about interacting with the boy publicly at school. The rest is blurry but the humiliation was awful and the boy laughed in our face for being so naive.

Many many other things happened, but I'll cut it out here; I think it's enough for the day.

__
Isaïa.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Thu Jun 10, 2021 7:43 pm

I’m so sorry you experienced all that abuse that was initially disguised as kindness, and I can see why someone truly being nice to you would remind you of all that cruelty.

We get triggered by acts of kindness also. It reminds us of how little kindness was shown to us in the past, and how we believed that was because we didn’t deserve it. There’s a part that still holds onto that belief, and we’ll cry if someone was nice to us in a store. Genuine caring from someone brings up all the memories of not being cared about.

I don’t think it’s unusual at all. Triggers can be similar to what happened, or the complete opposite in a way that brings up the past by way of contrast.
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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby Truly_happy » Thu Jun 10, 2021 8:23 pm

I'm sorry I reminded you of all that stuff! I should have known better than to ask about it. :( My fault. But know I did read it all and I see how the people were being abusive to you. I believe you when you say it happened and that it happened that way. Again, so sorry to be so careless. :oops:

- Marcella
We are the Neighborhood, a DID system of over 30 people.
Hosts:
Imre ("EEM-ruh") - male, 20s, compassionate
Cullen - male, 13, loves life
Marcella - female, 30s, visionary

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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Jun 10, 2021 8:50 pm

Thanks, both of you, for your kind words of support.

__
Isaïa.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Jun 17, 2021 12:38 pm

I completely forgot to post this the other day but at the psychiatrist's office, I managed to put into words something very important.

For years we tried to find a metaphysical and spiritual reason to our abuses. For example Zami at a point thought that they were abused because they were a unicorn, and that it was important for them to be abused because then, at the end of their human life, then could have brought back all these informations to the other unicorns and teach them how to be compassionate towards humans. Because humans suffer all their life therefore, we need to be compassionate towards them, and we need to understand their sufferings to teach them how to better behave themselves.

But with time we realized that... it's a belief. Not a fact. That the facts are, no deity is going to pop up in front of us with their angels and trumpets to teach us THE great reason to all our sufferings.

The reality is that, there is no forking reason behind all that. We suffered. And it had no meaning. There is no big metaphysical and spiritual reason behind it.

Our parents forked up. They forked up big time: forked up attachment, all possible abuses, neglects, full bingo.

It does not matter why they forked up. The fact is, they forked up. And they forked up big time. And now we are dissociated and nobody else but us is going to help us put the pieces back together and live with our traumas. Nobody is going to appear and save us. It's up to us to stand back up, and keep walking.

Image
__
Urielles.
Autistic, DID

he/him | she/her | they/them

Active alter {sub-system or fusion} :

Urielles {Uriel|Theia|Saul|Wolf(?)} -- {G/Hosts} -- {Zami} -- Envy -- X/David/Solomon/Scar -- Ulysses -- {Isaïa|Reyna} -- Mirror {Aragorn|Sherlock Holmes|...} -- {Pride|Wrath} -- Trisha -- Lust -- Hohenheim/Theo

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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby littleDaria » Thu Jun 17, 2021 12:56 pm

that is probably one of our largest stumbling blocks, accepting we will never have answer to, "why?"
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Re: [life journey thread]Tales from the WorldTree

Postby Truly_happy » Thu Jun 17, 2021 2:14 pm

I'm glad you are past (or I hope you are past) wanting to know why it all happened. Like I told someone yesterday, we may seek comfort in finding a reason, but no comfort really comes from it. It's good to move beyond needing a reason for pain.

And the unicorns don't need our sympathy for us, other humans need sympathy for us. Just saying ...

- Marcella
We are the Neighborhood, a DID system of over 30 people.
Hosts:
Imre ("EEM-ruh") - male, 20s, compassionate
Cullen - male, 13, loves life
Marcella - female, 30s, visionary

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