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DID or a fragment? What to do?

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DID or a fragment? What to do?

Postby WindRiderFairy » Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:29 pm

Hi, I'm new here, this is my first post and I'm not quite sure if I'm posting under the right category. My question has to do with dissociative identity disorders and since I haven't been diagnosed with DID I thought I'd post this here.

I won't go into details but I experienced traumatic things in my childhood which lead to dissociating. I've had these voices discussing in my mind for a long time. For example if I'm feeling anxious, a voice pops in to comfort me or the emotional part that's feeling bad. In therapy I learned these are my dissociative emotional parts and that they can have different ages and names. All of them are me, I know everything that's going on even if one of the emotional parts is fronting. Although each part has their own function they've never made me speak unlike myself or regress to an earlier age; all of them identify as me.

Lately one of these parts has surfaced a lot. She often pops up when I'm sad, scared or when I feel safe. When she's 'on' I might speak simply and rub my eyes like a toddler. I (or she) might need a comfort item such as a plush toy. She also talks a lot about people who used to bully her. When she's on I'm aware of what's happening but she's in control. It feels like I have a child within me in addition to my regular self. The child doesn't have a name or a distinct personality but she is always scared and crying, and clearly separate from my other EPs. She doesn't completely identify as me .

I'm not sure what to make of this. I've been reading a lot about DID and it doesn't seem like my parts are clearly distinct people, they share all my memories and consciousness and don't have their own personalities except for this child part. I'm not sure if this child within me is another person and what I should do with her. When she's fronting in a public place that can be very embarrassing especially if I'm with other people. I'm scared to let my doc see her.

Does this sound like DID or DDNOS?
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Re: DID or a fragment? What to do?

Postby birdsong87 » Sat Aug 24, 2019 8:57 am

I think that it might be more beneficial to think of structural dissociation as a spectrum.
it is not like you either have only fragments or you have only fully split parts.
there is no reason why the little girl can't be a more developed dissociated part and these other states are less developed and you might call them fragments.
the thing is that usually they diagnose the smallest disorder that explains all your problems. and the therapist might get the idea that DDNOS doesn't explain the existence of the little girl well enough. even if it explains everything else, there is this one thing that goes beyond it and that would mean having to go one step up with the diagnosis.
I think it would be worth mentioning to your doc. not as "this is a part, I must have DID" but as "look, this is what I experience that seems different from the other stuff I also experience". the doc doesn't have to 'see' her, you could just describe things like you did here.
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Re: DID or a fragment? What to do?

Postby Floralie » Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:41 pm

You are co-conscious with her when she comes, right? It means you can talk to her then. Do. When she's sad and scared, tell it's OK, and things like that don't happen in your life anymore. Comfort her when she needs comfort, treat her like a real life child. Her feelings are valid, she is allowed to be sad. Your job is to teach her about the outside realities now.

Get to know her and be friends with her, and be a safe adult to her. Starting to work with parts always starts from creating communication and co-operation. When you're alone safely at home, you can do things that are likely to trigger her out. Not anything scary, but things a child her age probably likes. Tell her she is a part and lives in same body with many adults, if she doesn't know already. Tell it's important that adults take care of certain things, because those are things little's can't do. Find out does she have any control over when she comes out, or does it just happen to her. If she has control over it, you can make deals and have rules like with real life children. Give her time to play and do things she likes with a permission, buy her toys etc, and make sure she has time to do nice things in outside world, when it's safe for all of you. When there is some structure in your life, when it's her time and when not, it's easier for her to stay away from situations that are for adults. She may not know how to go away, when she is out. It can be something that just happens. But you can try to practice.

How ever you feel, what ever she does and how embarrassing that may be, always remember it's not her fault she exists, and there's nothing she can do about it.

There is no reason why your doc needs to see her. You can tell how you experience her presence, she doesn't have to come there. There is no reason for anyone to see her, but if she chooses to, she can come to therapy and talk with your T.

She has been there for a long time, even if you haven't been aware. It can be she has been hiding, but now that you do have therapy and you are more aware of things, system thinks it's time to let her out, or she just woke up, or she decided she can come and let you know about her now. It can be seen as a sign of trust she doesn't have to hide anymore. There can be more parts in where she came from too, or there may not.

When you live in a system, that is how life is like. You need to live with what you have at that moment, and things do change all the time. Just stay open.

Diagnostic names are just words on paper, they don't make that big difference.

Here's a link to storybook called Dear little ones. It's written for littles, living in systems. It's important for you to watch it too, to know how to be with her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfesJjVLL2g&t=433s

(We always cry for the book, and I don't know why. I never cry, I can't, even if I want to. I don't know who does, but someone certainly comes to hear it every time we listen to it. It's not a sad book. It just tells things that happened in the past were not little's fault, and about how things are now and how will they be in future.)

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Re: DID or a fragment? What to do?

Postby Zor » Sat Aug 24, 2019 3:03 pm

WindRiderFairy wrote:Does this sound like DID or DDNOS?


THAT is harder to answer than you'd think. Honestly, it's something better suited for your T than these forums.
There is so much that overlaps between the two.

From what I've read, "DDNOS" is more or less a "catchall" when there are a few things that keep a T from diagnosing a person with DID. It's a "not quite there" but not "NOT there" status. I don't know the differences are as dramatic as it sounds.

The PODS site seems to agree, actually:
https://information.pods-online.org.uk/ ... it-matter/

But to address your concerns... If you're that aware of everyone and things going on, try and talk to her, to them. See if they'll be willing to say why they feel what they do, or what you can do to help. When they are out, maybe try and have something comforting or entertaining for them, you mention a toddler-like one coming out- maybe a plushie or teddy bear for her? Something to help comfort and show you care.
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Re: DID or a fragment? What to do?

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 24, 2019 4:06 pm

Hi WindRiderFairy (cool name!)

My name is Iain and I'm a part of a system inside an older guy. I just want to say diagnosis takes a long time even when you're looking in the right direction. There's nothing wrong when it takes a while to figure it out. But you can start making things better inside even before you know exactly. (It doesn't really matter to me what our diagnosis is - I'm still here either way and Host has to deal with it. 8) )

I think Floralie is right about the biggest thing - You have to be a safe adult for your Little. Whatever your diagnosis is. It took me a super long time to trust Host because adults were just not something you trust. But he worked really hard at being a good guy - even when I was being a bratty teenager. :roll: Now we work together a lot on stuff.

Also Littles like the Dear Little One book.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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