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Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Zor » Sun Sep 01, 2019 10:53 pm

Just wanted to like say hi hi and let you know we're all here for you!
And to send you pixie dust and **hugs** <3

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Sun Sep 01, 2019 11:12 pm

Hi Pixie, thank you! ♡ :D

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Ciara(10f); Em(22f); Teg(6f); Viola(17f); et cetera
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Wed Sep 04, 2019 8:46 pm

Amythyst wrote:So the 'visualization excercises' that V2 mentioned, that our T said we're gonna try next week? That's basically the meeting room thing. Big table, lotsa chairs, invite everyone to come sit & talk.

We saw our T today & did our first 'group meeting' thing. There were 7 of us there, including me.

It went pretty good, the session went by super fast. Now we're like, totally exhausted. It's not even 5pm but we could totally just goto bed now lol.

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Sep 04, 2019 9:12 pm

Glad it worked!

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Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Thu Sep 05, 2019 3:30 pm

Hey thanks MDs. :)

So we had V2 being like the go-between, between us in the 'meeting room' and the T outside. We had me, Mike, Melissa, Rebecca all sitting around the table. And Charlie and Janet were there too but they were in like a fort they made outta cushions and blankets from a sofa. :lol: they were just watching but hiding.

There may have been others around as well, T had us add like a waiting room area off to the side, tho the door was closed. V2 also invited L---- but she didn't wanna come.

So we ran outta time but Rebecca & Mike & Melissa all got some time. T was kinda just gathering info I guess, about everyone, like to get it from them? But V2 was still like interpreting or whatever so I dunno.

On the way home Mike was a bit critical or whatever, like saying how the T was realy focused on like just our 'roles' or 'jobs' in the system. Next week he wants to make sure T knows that he's alot more than just like a 2-dimensional 'alter archetype' or 'textbook example' or something. Like he has interests and hobbies and all that jazz? Alot of us do.

T also had V2 like try to describe Rebecca, what she looked like, but T didn't bother asking that about Mike or Melissa. Mike's kinda... not put out but like, wants to know why T did that with Rebecca but noone else.

And this morning L---- said she will not be attending any of these meetings if we hold them all in the 'dead sterile' meeting room place. She wants us to have some meetings out in nature, then she'll attend.

There's some other stuff, feedback and discussions and stuff we've had since then. So next will will be interesting I guess. lol.

It was super tiring tho. V2 thinks its cos so many of us were like, all active at the same time?

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:38 pm

Sometimes it feels like one of those like air-crash investigator jobs, like trying to piece things together when someone gets triggered or whatever, and its like, we don't know what went wrong and we're just like cleaning up afterwards? But hoping that we'll figure out what really happened as we go?

Trying to work backwards through Viola's crisis yesterday, and I kinda think it maybe really started on Wednesday after our session with T...

Amythyst wrote:On the way home Mike was a bit critical or whatever, like saying how the T was realy focused on like just our 'roles' or 'jobs' in the system. Next week he wants to make sure T knows that he's alot more than just like a 2-dimensional 'alter archetype' or 'textbook example' or something. Like he has interests and hobbies and all that jazz? Alot of us do.

This thing Mike was saying. Basically he's not just like some textbook entry "protector, male, EP" or whatever. He's a 'real person' with hobbies and interests and stuff. But...not all of us are.

*** trigger warning, mention of sex, mention of alter death/suicide ***

Viola's been kinda bothered by this, for a few weeks now? Like, I have body mods / piercing. Melissa's into MLP & other cartoons, and icecream. Arin was into photography tho she didn't get to do much of it. Charlie's got his legos and stuff. But Viola just didn't have anything she was into. Just sex, but not actually getting any, just thinking about it a lot.

It's also complicated and stuff cos of how we believe she came to exist / who she "is". Like, this is where it gets a bit wierd and stuff and we don't really see stuff about this in the books and whatever.

So previous host basically intentionally ended herself. She struggled with depression and suicidal thots for ever, and it just seemed like after the first few days of fear and confusion when V1 wound up outside and Steph was inside... it seemed like she just realized she could 'die' without making a mess, and there'd be someone else to look after the cats and look after work and stuff.

We dunno how she did it but she just like ,dissolved herself. To dust or ash or whatever. Just faded away.

But, whatever the 'essense' or whatever you want to call it, soul or something, whatever that was, it doesn't just stop. So over a few months those bits kinda came back together, but different, and Viola was the result. She had some memories of being steph that nobody else had. But there's a lotta steph that's not her. She's like, just different. A different person.

I guess like reincarnation - steph 'died' and came back as viola. Same 'soul' but very different person?

And we just have like zero idea how to explain all this to our T cos like I said, I don't think it fits in any textbooks about DID or whatever.

Like, we get that its common for systems to have a 'sexual alter' and Viola kinda fits that description now, but she wasn't always like that. That wasn't an aspect of Steph. Maybe Viola's actually like a merge of bits of steph and bits of another part we never knew we had? Maybe???

Anyways... so Steph was a computer genius / guru, workaholic, doormat, pushover. She had a hundred different hobbies. She designed and built electronic gadgets for fun, like designing custom circuit boards and hand soldering tiny chips and then writing firmware from scratch and all that stuff. Like years before apple made their watch, steph designed and built her own wrist-mounted computer / gps tracker thing.

Viola looked at that stuff, some of steph's old hobbies and stuff, and it was like, she's not interested, it's boring, and (maybe worse) she doesn't even understand most of it. I mean, it's the same for me, I look at that stuff and its like, wow that's really cool, no I have no interest in learning how to use it let alone build the darn thing.

But for Viola, there's that sorta, I guess its a feeling of loss, feeling like that stuff used to be her. She used to have that? Used to have those skils and interests? And now she doesn't. Now she just wants to sit around thinking about sex, taking drugs, and occasionally watching the world end in disaster movies.

I think Viola has a lotta insecurity about all this. I think she acts all cool and care-free and aloof and stuff, and doesn't wanna get ttoo close to anyone, cos I think she is really insecure about everything she feels like she's 'lost'. I mean, I think she does know more about computers than me, but I think maybe it's still alot less than steph used to know, before.

So... I dunno. Its alot of stuff. It's complicated. Some of it's hard to talk about. And I guess it also kinda triggers those 'crazy' thots, like because it doesn't seem to fit in anything we've read and stuff, it triggers the denial stuff. "Oh this is too wierd, this isn't DID stuff, this is just delusion and crazyness." :roll: :x

I guess maybe we'll try to talk with our T about all this next week. I talked with Viola this morning and tried to remind her of all the stuff she does for us, that she's loved and wanted and needed.

I dunno what else to do, or say. :?

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Ciara(10f); Em(22f); Teg(6f); Viola(17f); et cetera
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby MakersDozn » Sun Sep 08, 2019 12:41 am

Hearing you, V2. Sounds like you're gaining a lot of insight.

We really like you guys and are glad to be friends with you. Each of you has much to offer and deserves a chance to make a good life for yourselves. We'd like to encourage both/all of you to hang in and keep talking here, even if it seems like you keep repeating the same feelings. It's a journey that we know well, and we're here to listen.

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Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Sun Sep 08, 2019 10:17 am

Hi MDs,

Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. We're grateful to be friends with you.

Viola hasn't 'disappeared' herself. I think we've agreed to try to find her something, a hobby or something she'll enjoy doing.

I'm sure we won't get this all sorted overnight or whatever, but I'm happy at least that she's not just like giving up.

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Sun Sep 08, 2019 3:38 pm

So I don't wanna jinx it but I think we're gonna be ok again. We had a good workout this morning & it turned into a kinda unplanned group meeting, with me, Ewan, Melissa, Viola, and L. all taking part.

Viola was still really moody and grumpy, but not as like depressed or sad. And then L. said some stuff that was really like, kinda deep and philosophical and stuff, sorta blew my mind but also put some stuff in perspective. Maybe it helped Viola a bit too, I dunno.

So then we went to a craft store and wandered the aisles for a bit, and Viola picked out two things to try. Like, craft-kits for kids, but its got like a book and enough stuff to give you a feel for it. And not too expensive or whatever. It's like, maybe neither of these things will suit her, but she's gonna try em both and see.

And then after that she was joking and smiling and teasing and it was really good to see her smiling again. :)

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Sep 08, 2019 5:04 pm

That sounds really positive V2. All that teamwork, and finding things for Viola to try.

Maybe try to remember to let the T know that her focus on roles and jobs had a very negative effect on you guys, and explain why. We can't be reduced to just what we do for the system.
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