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Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Oct 05, 2019 11:21 am

It's the kind of people I sometimes like to play with ^.^ (but Zami doesn't. Makes Zami super mad if I do it ^.^; )

Just start a random sentence, grab the popcorn, and hear them go on and on an on about something nonsensical.

Oh and maybe if you infuriate her enough she'll leave you be or just have a heart attack?

I know it's not nice to talk about people that way but sometimes, it feels nice to hurt back the people who hurt us...

~ Theia ~
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | .....
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Sun Oct 06, 2019 10:35 am

Hey Theia,

Yeah we don't like listening to the mother drone on and on about some random $#%^, last thing we wanna do is provoke her to do more of it lol.

I don't know how we'll collectively react when she does kick the bucket, but I'm sure at least some of us will be upset, and would be really upset if they thought we had anything to do with it. :?

So we'll just keep on kinda avoiding her where we can, & keep fingers crossed that she's not gonna live to be like 105 or something.

Viola


---

So its been about 8 days now since V1 woke up, and she's been the one doing most of the fronting since then. V2 hasn't fronted at all. Viola, Melissa, and Mike have been around briefly.

What we've found though is there's a lot more... blendiness? Coconsiousness? I don't know what it is, how to describe it. Or like, bleeding-through?

Like if V1 is fronting, but others are sort of there, strong enough to feel their influence? So V1 is fronting but she feels like Viola's urge to do this, or V2 wants to do that, or Melissa wants something else.

Not like words, tho that happens to, but more like, passive influence? Or just feeling their desires? I don't know exactly how to describe it.

Its not upsetting or disturbing, but it does feel different than how we experienced things before she woke up. It feels like our system has gone through or is going through another change.

team Amythyst
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); L(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Trina(25f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey Thread
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:36 am

Whatever is going on with us lately, it feels like it's getting worse. Or at least, its not getting any better.

We haven't been able to work at all this week. Something about work is triggering the ###$ out of someone inside. Trying to look at it, thinking about it too hard, drives the stress & anxiety through the roof and then we get switchy and unstable.

Monday there were a couple switches & lost time, but (I think) it was mostly me around. Yesterday, same thing, except I ended up being forced inside halfway through the day. I Don't know who did that, but by the end of the day Viola was fronting, and she stayed out till I woke up this morning.

This morning I'm feeling the same things again, the stress and anxiety and avoidance about work stuff.

If we weren't self employed we'd be fired and I wouldn't even be able to protest it. I can't explain why we can't work, it sounds like the dumbest made-up excuse ever. Like we're lazy to work but too stupid to think of a better excuse.

I know yesterday morning I thought maybe it had something to do with Trina but I can't remember why. I'l try to ask inside this morning and see if there's any more information or whatever.

We have therapy today so I'm going to try to talk to our T about this stuff.

Meanwhile, more stuff with the mother... she emailed us about another thing she's been invited to, and was vague enough that we can't tell if she was asking us to play uber for her again, or if she was asking for directions.

It feels like $#%^ is all falling apart and I'm afraid its my fault somehow for being here.

V1
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); L(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Trina(25f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey Thread
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Oct 09, 2019 12:00 pm

It's not your fault, V1. It's the fault of whoever fractured the team Amythyst to begin with, to whoever hurt you all. You are here doing your best like everybody else.

I hope the T will be able to help. The situation sounds very difficult to deal with. We hope that you will find together a way to express the feelings and help the triggered one express themself and get the help and support and comfort they need.

--Zami-- and a bunch of others from the WorldTree
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | .....
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Floralie » Wed Oct 09, 2019 12:39 pm

When we had someone inside not wanting to go to work and wanting an official label we're not in working condition, wanted to go to the hospital and all that, and I knew it was not the adult me feeling that way, it was enough for us that T talked to the one with the feeling inside. Without knowing who it was, she talked to the one who didn't wanna go to work, that they don't have to. Adults are gonna take care of that. I remember feeling super anxious, not me, but someone in the body being anxious when we went there then, it was hard to speak because I couldn't breath normally because of how strong the feeling was in the chest. My voice was shaking, I felt like shaking. Then T said what she said, that adults take care of it and you don't have to go, and the anxiousness just melted away.

We didn't need to know who or why exactly, but it still worked. I hope it can work for you too, or you find out who and why. For us it was simple, because no one resisted me working, I don't know if in your case someone has a reason to stop the work all together, other reason than them not being able to do it.

I've felt lazy excuse pretty much all my life, but I'm defending myself now from those claims, coming from inside or outside. We have reasons, they may be weird, but things in DID usually are weird compared to other people.
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 (15-26) defender (trauma)
Lucas M 16 (19) bridge-builder, self care (trauma)
Leon M 4 (trauma?)
Ferro M 14/24 protector (trauma)
Rami M 25 inner protector/caretaker manager
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
Jules M 11 main trauma holder with DID
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Wed Oct 09, 2019 1:23 pm

Thanks Zami & Floralie.

I tried talking inside again this morning. Everything is cloudy and things are really quiet. I tried doing a sort of role call to find out where everyone was, and if anyone was upset or whatever.

Most were asleep or whatever, but when I got to Trina, there was sudden headaches, dizziness, nausea. I'm sure its coming from her but I'm not sure why.

She's one of the adults in the system. She's supposed to be the mature responsible one. She's also the one who has the most denial and stuff about DID, the hardest time accepting it? She also hates me more than anyone else in our system. :(

I'm going to try asking our T if she can somehow communicate with Trina or if she can tell me how to do it better.

V1
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); L(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Trina(25f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey Thread
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Oct 09, 2019 4:06 pm

Hi V1,

We understand about adults having more difficulty. That's the way it is with us. Who takes care of the adults when we feel like we can't take care of ourselves?

We hope things get better soon.

Charity and others
Multiple. Self-dxed 1996. Body 57f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity (25), Mary (23), Laura (17.5), Allegra (17), Cass (17)
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Wed Oct 09, 2019 6:44 pm

Thanks Charity & others. Sorry you have these problems too.

We had a long difficult session with our T. It felt hard at first getting through to her, like she takes what we describe as our subjective experience then says them back in convoluted ways that we don't understand and I had to question her on it and explain it wasn't helping.

It was like, she was trying to use language to stress that we're all one system and one happens to one of us happens to all of us? She said it was because she doesn't want to make us any more separated than we already are, and I sort of get what she's ttrying to say but I told her it was simply not helpful . We feel separate ,and using confusing language that we keep having to stop and question and trip over doesn't make us feel any less separate it just confuses us and wastes time.

Anyways finally we got past all that, described what was happening a few times it felt like, and that we thought Trina was involved in some way but didn't know how, and it didn't make sense she'd be blocking us from working because that's like, backwards to her goals kind of thing?

So Trina wouldn't respond to me, she doesn't like me, and I finally got the T to try talking directly to Trina to see if she'd listen t o her, and then we finally got the answers.

Its not the work, at all. It's that where the work is sitting on our desk, there's a piece of paper basically with the work, that has stuff on it that is extremely upsetting to Trina. We can't 'look at' the work because there's something triggering right beside it.

There was a bunch of emotions, we broke drown and cried and stuff at it all because the triggering thing is conected to like a half dozen other really big emotional issues. Like a chain reaction of bad feelings. So just looking at it was causing switches and headaches and dizzy spells and stfuff.

Now as usual we're exhausted and gotta deal with this stuff and try to figure out how to handle everything so we can get the work done and deal with the actual triggering thing.

V1
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); L(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Trina(25f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey Thread
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:17 pm

Hi V1,

Glad you explained your needs to your T and clarified what she was doing that wasn't helpful, and why.

About Trina's trigger....is there some way that you can retain (file? store?) the triggering document so that you have access to it but it's not in a place where it triggers Trina? In other words, "out of sight, out of mind" for her, but still available to you? Or is her awareness too strong for that to work?

Mary and others
Multiple. Self-dxed 1996. Body 57f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity (25), Mary (23), Laura (17.5), Allegra (17), Cass (17)
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Re: Multi-faceted & semi-precious.

Postby Amythyst » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:27 pm

Thanks Mary,

I've spoken with Viola and she's going to try to deal with the document.

Once its been handled, then we shouldn't have to think about it again. Or at least, not for a while.

V1

ps. It all makes me feel, I don't know, incredibly stupid or weak or something. That a stupid piece of paper has caused us so much trouble for 3 days. I know it's not the paper, it's all the other stuff that gets churned up. But at the end of the day it still feels like we got beaten by a piece of paper.
Last edited by Amythyst on Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); L(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Trina(25f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey Thread
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