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How to reject a narcissist?

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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby fireheart » Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:28 am

I did it.
I sent the thing I wrote on here, with a slightly altered ending (that I will block him if he chooses to contact me again) and also some extra stuff about how we will never be together again.
I sent it this morning and he already replied.
But it seems good!!!

He said something along the lines of: "Ohh, that makes SO much sense! You could've told me that right away! I respect your decision and it even feels like the right thing. I understand what you mean with that you need to put in a little extra for yourself. Good luck with that.
And also, this allowed me to finally close this chapter because you are SO clear about the fact that there is no future in it for me. I am thankful you gave me this closure."


###$ yes.
I avoided hurting his ego and here we are. I played him?
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 24, 2019 4:45 pm

It worked. Good job.

Colin

How to reject a narcissist?
repeatedly
definitively
purposefully
unilaterally
absolutely
proactively
initially
immediately
laughingly
seriously
overwhelmingly
guardedly
offensively
defensively
quietly
loudly
intelligently
forcefully
frequently

forever

Iain
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When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby BeccaBee » Sat Aug 24, 2019 7:10 pm

cool!!! good job!

no. you didn't play him. you worked hard to communicate clearly with someone who thinks and "feels" very differently from you.

enjoy your victory but remain wary.

good job, fireheart.
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat Aug 24, 2019 8:02 pm

That's great! I agree with BeccaBee.
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby fireheart » Sat Aug 24, 2019 8:59 pm

Thanks Colin and Iain, and BeccaBee and Gang.

I like your poem, Iain! But I still don't like that reality.

I tried really hard, and thanks to your tips and everything, I didn't have to feel completely alone in it.
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:50 pm

Hi fireheart,

I know you tried really really hard and did a great job. I don't want my poem to make you feel bad or like I'm criticizing you or anything. I'm really not. Just making a poem about lots of different ways to do it.

Iain
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When they say 'be yourself',
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby fireheart » Sun Aug 25, 2019 7:33 pm

Aw, no worries Iain.
I think your poem is smart and brave! It only made me sad that I will have to keep doing it, but that doesn't have to do with you or what you wrote.
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby Sarandipity » Mon Aug 26, 2019 8:40 am

fireheart wrote:I did it.
I sent the thing I wrote on here, with a slightly altered ending (that I will block him if he chooses to contact me again) and also some extra stuff about how we will never be together again.
I sent it this morning and he already replied.
But it seems good!!!

He said something along the lines of: "Ohh, that makes SO much sense! You could've told me that right away! I respect your decision and it even feels like the right thing. I understand what you mean with that you need to put in a little extra for yourself. Good luck with that.
And also, this allowed me to finally close this chapter because you are SO clear about the fact that there is no future in it for me. I am thankful you gave me this closure."


###$ yes.
I avoided hurting his ego and here we are. I played him?


No. You didn't play him. You sent him a clear message and I read his reply very differently.

If you're dealing with a true narcissist who is way over on the spectrum and very close to being NPD then that message is him playing.

It sounds like, from what he's replied that you put it all on yourself, which is good because I narcissist would be enraged if you blamed them at all.

He understands you need time to work on yourself because you're not "perfect like he is" If he is narcissistically injured at all by your message, which the SO in capital letters points slightly towards that he could be then the things you can expect are that he will spread rumours about how "not perfect" you are and after that it depends on how vindictive he is or if you retaliate or respond to it. If you don't respond he may stop but if you do respond then that would be feeding him narcissistic supply.

Sam Vaknin has YouTube videos and a very good book on narcissism. He is a narcissist and what he says and writes not only correlates to what general knowledge on narcissism is but extrapolates it and gives a deep understanding of the disorder.

It could be that this guy won't do anything, that he means what he said and he isn't that far over on the narcissistic spectrum. Only you would be able to work that out and Sam Vaknin has very good tips on that and how to get rid of a narcissist.

Also narcissists will turn back up after any amount of time if they think you might now be a viable narcissistic supply source. He could think 3 months down the line that you've had enough time to yourself and pop back up again.

It's better to be prepared than not so personally I'd take his response with extreme caution and be prepared for any tactics he may use to draw you back as a supply source. There's lots of tactics so it's a good idea to read them or listen to Sam Vaknin on YouTube.

I recommend him so highly because he's a narcissist and I found everything he said incredibly useful when dealing with my ex who is diagnosed NPD.

Much luck
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby fireheart » Fri Aug 30, 2019 8:40 am

Thanks for the tip, Sarandipity.
We don't share people in our life, so he can spread rumors all he wants. The plan is to block him immediately if he tries to contact me in any way in the future.

I've been reading "Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft. It is pretty scary how accurate some of it is.
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Re: How to reject a narcissist?

Postby BeccaBee » Fri Aug 30, 2019 10:35 am

that sounds like an interesting book.
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