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What do you think of my T?

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What do you think of my T?

Postby lizisace » Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:58 pm

Hii

Last week in therapy was the first time I kind of switched in front of my T after about 9 months of no progress. Today my T tried to get me to switch again or to at least get another part close to the front so she could communicate a bit with her, but it didn't work that well. After a while, she had the idea of triggering that other part to the front.

I was already feeling a bit dissociated and emotional, so I couldn't deal with a lot, but the suddenly my T had the idea of 'maybe I could sit closer to you, maybe that would make you feel something'. which for me in that moment was one of the worse things she could do to me. After I told her off, she kept threatening me with it, and I got so panicky to the point where I felt like I just had to leave the building and maybe look for a different T.

I did explain to her that right now it's very hard for me to feel safe with her and to open up to her as it is, and that if she's going to threaten me with things that it will become very hard for me to feel comfortable in the sessions or to even go to them, which she luckily understood. She then started the argument that what I was doing was avoidant behaviour, but that she would lay off of those tactics for a while. but also that she would go back to them if the 'nice way' didn't work out.

What do you guys think of her methods? is it normal and am I just overreacting?

thanks
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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby VioletFlux » Wed Jul 10, 2019 10:49 pm

I think a T intentionally triggering you to force a switch is absolutely wrong. If our T tried that, it'd bring our protector down hard and possibly be the end of our relationship with the T.

I'm sure some more experienced folks will chime in on this too, but that's how we feel.

Sorry you had to go through that with your T.

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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:25 pm

We agree with Arin for all of the reasons stated and more. Your first instinct was to find a new T. Too many times we choose not to trust our gut (or instinct) and instead question our judgment. We speak from experience when we say that questioning our judgment instead of trusting our gut has led to some very unfortunate consequences for us.

You've seen several red flags in a short time with this T. You have an opportunity to chose a response that is in the best interest of your safety and well-being, which are more important than how the T might feel as a result. What choice will you make?

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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby IainEtc » Thu Jul 11, 2019 12:08 am

WTF! Your T threatened you? With a trigger? Thats so F-ing wrong. Your system is waiting to see if you protect them. It's an important moment.

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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Thu Jul 11, 2019 12:37 am

I agree with Arin, MDs, and Colin. It’s very inappropriate to persist with something that you’re saying makes you uncomfortable. And to not apologize and say that she’ll never do that again, but instead to basically tell you she WOULD do it again if things didn’t go the way she wanted them to?? That’s abusive and possibly reportable to her licensing board.
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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby birdsong87 » Thu Jul 11, 2019 4:21 am

well. To me she sounds helpless. Like she is just trying something because she doesn't know what to do. I don't think she is aware that she sounds threatening. or that she is aware of a possible parallel process in getting too ######6 close to you when that is part of the trauma.
it is typical avoidant behavior from the perspective of a T. and they usually let people do that for some time before they start to provoke again to make it possible to move on. Is she by any chance usually working with personality disorders? then it would be more or less standard procedure.
So basically I think that she means well and thinks she is using therapy techniques but she misses the parallel process and how this looks for you and she doesn't know any real tools to help you to begin with.
it ends up with the same results as the others said, probably time to find someone new.
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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby fireheart » Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:27 am

Go with your gut.
For us there is NO way this could work unless she apologizes and promises to never do it again. I think it is a keen observation by Asti that the T probably feels helpless. Still, in my opinion that is not your problem.

Asti, is there any way you could explain how this is typical avoidant behaviour in the eyes of a T? And why would this technique work for people with PDs? (Aren't they generally also traumatizedand have a need to feel safe?)
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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby exul » Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:40 am

Agree with everything everybody said.

To add something, I personally think that if she really seems so desperate to try something so extreme because she doesn't know what to do and how to treat your system, then she doesn't have the right training and the right mindset to begin with. This, for me, means that indeed you should search for another therapist as soon as possible, and just work on yourselves with someone that knows what they're seeing and treating.
This could potentially be very damaging to you as a whole if she really doesn't have a clue of what she's doing.
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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby Zor » Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:30 pm

Are you overreacting?! NOT AT ALL! >:(

That is so NOT right. It's an abuse of trust to try and FORCE someone else to come out. That's so not professional or even polite.

I would be FURIOUS if our T did that to us!

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Re: What do you think of my T?

Postby IainEtc » Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:45 pm

I get it the T probably didn't know what to do. But what does she NOT get about 'trauma trigger' being a a bad thing to threaten you with???? Sounds like she wants to punish you. We've had it with people punishing us.

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