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Talked but miscommunicated

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Talked but miscommunicated

Postby KingsleyHere » Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:58 am

Haven't read this addressed. Not sure what path to take. A young one came to talk to T for the first time. They talked about there being one body. Being an *insider*. Talked about having a safe place to go to whenever she wanted. Talked about what it looked like. Talked about what *being out* meant. Talked about T 's office being a safe place. How she could come talk to him anytime. She has several times.

Sounds good. But She thinks T's an insider. His office is his safe place that he let her come visit. But she's not ready to show him her safe place. She asked if he liked being out. Not sure what he said but her impression is likes being out more than in. That's why she has to come to his safe place. Well, last week T's been on vacation. She wants to tell him something & can't find his office. Tomorrow we see him so told her. Obvious question...should we correct this misconception? Concerned she won't talk to him so freely & she has had some valuable info. Would it hurt to leave this misconception in place or wait for her to figure it out? Won't lie to her. Would correct if she asks or questions. She knows things from early abuse no one else seems to know. Don't want her to close down. Thanks for your input.
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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby Dnester » Tue Jul 09, 2019 2:48 am

I may not be the best one to give advice but I think you should tell her. Reason being is that Ts are not always dependable. They are human so they can become uncaring, say something to upset you and you might not want to see them again. They get sick, they move, they retire etc. So I think it would be better for her to know so she isnt crushed when something like that happens. I dont know the protocols for DID though. So dont know if you should listen to me.
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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Jul 09, 2019 3:34 am

I don’t understand exactly. She thinks that all this is happening inside you? Does she have a concept of the outside—that there’s a real world that isn’t inside? Because I would start with that. Show her all the cool and wonderful things there are to see and do in the world.

One of the goals of therapy is usually to internalize the T—so you always have with you a sense of their caring and what they would say in certain situations, so she might just be ahead of the game.

My littles get scared when they start to worry that we made up the T and that maybe he isn't real on the outside, but if she’s comforted by thinking of him that way, then you may want to just leave it alone, unless you think it could be harmful in some way.
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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby ItsJustUs » Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:51 pm

I would caution against telling her he is on the outside just yet. I would advise, and this is just my opinon, that you tell the T about this FIRST.

Here is my reasoning. If your little believes the T is on the inside, and then you tell her he isn't, the little may then feel as if the T has lied to her, and then he would no longer be perceived as a safe person or a safe place.

If, however, the T understands that this is what the little thinks, and HE is the one to gently inform her of the truth, then she would be more likely (in my opinion) to see that he is being honest, has not lied or intentionally misled her, and wants to make sure she knows he is trustworthy and still her friend, and therefore, I believe, could lead to a deeper trust in him.

The downside to this, if she later finds out that you knew he is an outsider and didn't tell her, then she may develop trust issues with YOU.

Does she understand "outside" vs "inside" people? if she doesn't, the T's office seems to be the best and safest place for her to begin to learn this concept, since she already has a trust in him.

Just my thoughts and opinions.

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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby KingsleyHere » Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:38 am

Thanks so much everyone! Glad to have other ideas to ponder. She's only come out in the T's office
since the abuse.So don't think she *understands* altho she says she knows. Yes Ts become unavailable for lots of reasons...like ours this week on vacation. T refuses to lie to any of them but now it's kind of don't ask don't tell. But don't think it's crossed her mind to ask. Trying to explain some of this stuff in an age appropriate way is daunting. At her age, she shouldn't need to know. But the big point is maintaining the trust, as you all said. Thanks for allowing me to talk it threw here.
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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby ItsJustUs » Thu Jul 11, 2019 6:01 pm

KingsleyHere wrote:Thanks so much everyone! Glad to have other ideas to ponder. She's only come out in the T's office
since the abuse.So don't think she *understands* altho she says she knows. Yes Ts become unavailable for lots of reasons...like ours this week on vacation. T refuses to lie to any of them but now it's kind of don't ask don't tell. But don't think it's crossed her mind to ask. Trying to explain some of this stuff in an age appropriate way is daunting. At her age, she shouldn't need to know. But the big point is maintaining the trust, as you all said. Thanks for allowing me to talk it threw here.


How old is your young one?
Kitten 39F-Core, Delilah (age unknown)F- Protector/System Manager/Care Taker, Britney 17F- Former persecutor turned protector, Lilly 5.5F, Little Wolf (young, but age unknown) "job" unknown, Val- age unknown, Female entity, we think she is a protector
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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby KingsleyHere » Sun Jul 14, 2019 1:34 am

Not 100 % sure her age. About 4 is our guess. Can act younger or verbally older. Thing is she seems the first..youngest?...that can communicate to us what happened or even what the younger ones are experiencing.
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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby IainEtc » Sun Jul 14, 2019 11:05 am

Hi,

I don't know what you should do but I just want to say - it took a long time for our Littles to trust Host. And things got seriously better when they did. It's like the most important thing. Don't blow that ok?

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: Talked but miscommunicated

Postby KingsleyHere » Sun Jul 14, 2019 9:26 pm

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

I don't know what you should do but I just want to say - it took a long time for our Littles to trust Host. And things got seriously better when they did. It's like the most important thing. Don't blow that ok?

Iain

Oh, no. Can't have that. Will ruin everything. Took literally years for our T to be deemed trustworthy too. Think we'll go with...if it's not broken, don't fix it. The realization may begin to dawn on her. We won't lie to her. Big issue. Thanks.
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