Our partner

Being More Open?

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Violarules

Being More Open?

Postby Zor » Fri May 17, 2019 1:40 pm

So on that recent (a few weeks ago) weekend trip to Dallas for that convention... we saw John Barrowman (played in Doctor Who and in Arrow)... and he's gay and very open about it.

When asked about how he felt about it costing him jobs or friendships to be out and open about being gay... his response was "F--k them! If they don't accept me for who I am, I say F--k off! And I walk away." He went on to say that basically he couldn't care less, he doesn't dwell on them... and that attitude of "accept me, I'll accept you- even if we hate what each other does" (almost exactly how he put it) has really resonated with myself and Pixie (and maybe others, but she is the only one that's said so to me so far).

Anyhow, we're considering maybe trying to experiment and be a little more open about who we are- ALL OF US... who we are as a whole... and basically in the vein of, "if they choose to be ignorant and hate us... f--k them! We don't need them in our life." It's scary, but something about it feels very... welcoming... very freeing.

What do y'all think?
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 876
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (1)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Being More Open?

Postby ZodiacDragon » Fri May 17, 2019 1:53 pm

I've mentioned our fears of being open in another thread to you. But now I'd like to mention why I like being able to be open. I am definitely the most 'want to be myself' of the group, to the point I have gotten us in trouble or gotten upset we couldn't do something I wanted to do (because it would have gotten everyone else in trouble with someone). I enjoy being out and being myself.

We have very few people who know about our DID, two of which we're now on temporarily bad (slowing mending) terms because of something that happened in the past. Two of the people in our relationship know about it so while we can be out around them our partner isn't the most comfortable with it simply because of how different our two systems are (his wants to be as hidden as possible from the outside, we wish we could let the entire world know). The other one in the relationship is fine with it and even likes to learn more about us when we're out. The final person that knows we haven't spent much time around simply because other people are usually around, but it is really nice being able to just be out and open around her. Our best friend we've considered (and kind of still consider) telling, but frankly he can be a loud mouth so we're holding off on telling for now.

TL;DR: Not many people know about us, fewer we can be out around comfortably, but when we can be out and be ourselves it feels like we can be free and respected as an actual person and not treated as a 'character'. If we could tell the whole world about us, we would.
-Neko
Depression, Anxiety, Dyslexia, Gender Dysphoria, DID

Alex - Host, Human, 21, FtM, Pan
Sarabi - Opossum, 21, F, Pan
Akane - Anthro wolfdog, 21, M, Pan
Saggita - Dragon, ??, F, Straight
Anime - Dragon, 2100+, Agender, Demi
Neko - Human-nekomata mix, 945, M, Gay
Flair - Pegasus-dragon mix, 2000+, MtF, Pan
User avatar
ZodiacDragon
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 11:14 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 11:24 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby Zor » Fri May 17, 2019 2:14 pm

Part of this, too, is that the mess this caused when it came out, when even I learned about it, was caused by it being hidden my entire life... Had _I_ known, I could have let the people close to me that were beginning to get close to these "friends" of mine know... we could have mitigated a lot of the disaster.
I could have been talking to a T for YEARS, and had a better handle on things... and people might not have been so shocked, alarmed, scared, and so harsh in their reaction and rejection.

But more than that... For the past year, since knowing, I've had to hide it... they're known but hidden. And it's tiring and almost feels self-loathing to constantly have to hide myself, a huge part of who I am... WE ARE ALL HERE. It sucks to have to keep that hidden and actually feel dishonest, to actually feel ashamed of who I am, who we are... and I don't know that I want to do that... to feel that...
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 876
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby VioletFlux » Fri May 17, 2019 3:02 pm

Hey Zor, great thread! Thanks for starting it! And we loved John Barrowman's character in Dr Who & Torchwood! :D

So we're like, almost completely 100% open about our DID. We only try to hide $#%^ when dealing with customers / business stuff. The only reason we're still sorta 'quiet' about it with work is cos we can't afford to lose any customers. Not cos we're embarassed or whatever, but if they decide they don't wanna do business with a 'crazy person', it'd cause us hardship to lose the income.

Everywhere else tho we're open and don't give a ###$. Sister and mum are the only two who had bad 'reactions', so we lost our friendship with the sister, ###$ her. Still put up with the mother cos she sometimes offers financial support and we could still use that. She'll probably never 'get' us and stuff, but we know (now) that she can't provide emotional support, and we won't get hurt if we dont expect it from her.

Best friends were unsure at first, upset a bit when realizing that their former friend (our previous host) was gone, but they both got to know us ok and accepted us all. They react to us very differently now, like one friend always asks who she's talking to or whatever, she's curious and wants to know who's fronting and stuff. The other never asks and just rolls with whatever's going on.

Our neighbor friend has been super accepting and stuff too. V1 told her like within a few weeks of us finding out, cos our family wasn't there for us and she just needed someone nearby to talk to and the neighbor friend is like a kind mother-like person lol.

And we're totally open on our like online stuff. Me and V2 and Arin each have our own twitter accounts, plus a "system" account we all share. And Steph used to have a blog, V1 and V2 actually posted a really long detailed explanation on there for all Steph's readers, to explain why she's gone and what happened.

Basically anyone who's known us in the past 30 years could find out realy easily if they look at Steph's blog, lol. Might get us in trouble, but like Barrowman says - ###$ them if they can't handle it.

Viola
Outside Team: Arin (22f); Viola (17f); Violet aka V2 (16f);
Inside Team: Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Janet(4f); L----(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Trina(25f); V1(22f); et al.
Body: 49f • Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.Journey ThreadTeam Flux
User avatar
VioletFlux
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1989
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:14 am
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 12:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby birdsong87 » Fri May 17, 2019 3:06 pm

nice as newborn puppies, but he is the famous guy who can afford to lose a job and make people look bad for it. If we ever work again we will look as normal as we can and do as we are told and keep the job. it is one thing with friendships. it is another when trying to look professional.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
birdsong87
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 3253
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 10:20 am
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 5:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby Floralie » Fri May 17, 2019 5:06 pm

Hell yeah. There's gonna be no one close to us, that is not actually worth to be close with, there has never been and we're not gonna change that. Work is one thing, and close ones are another. It means it's not gonna be easy to make friends with random people that come into our life, but we've not needed them before either.

We're glad you are ready to stand for yourselves. We spent years in LGBTI-communities and coming out as who you are, and leaving ones who can't handle it behind, is very familiar and basic thing to us. And we are happy to live in that part of world where you can do such things and stay alive. The idea of it is familiar to us, we're not that patient to wait for other people to understand it, although we know they haven't needed to think things like that before.

We are in the same phase in our life too, because understanding others are real is new to me too, and there was no need to talk about them when they were only in my mind. Why should I have told anyone what I think when I'm alone? But now them stopping hiding is for all of us. We have come out of several closets during the years and this one covers why all the other coming outs were there.
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 defender
Lucas M 16 self care manager
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder with DID-system:
- Leon M 4 ANP-little -> in changing process
Ferro M 14/24
Rami M 25 inner caretaker manager, inner protector
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
User avatar
Floralie
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 611
Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2018 1:50 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 7:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby Sarandipity » Fri May 17, 2019 5:36 pm

My view on that is screw that. I like this to be private. I don't want people asking me about it or "who I am to today" none of their business. That's how I feel about it.
[/coloru]Sarandipity
[color=#BF40FF]Beth
KarenPatrickPeterthe twinsMandyRose
No-one
Silent Lake : The Whisperers, The Lightbringers, Martin and Janet (children with tails and wings), The Overlord
Sarandipity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 666
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:25 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 4:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby Zor » Fri May 17, 2019 7:04 pm

birdsong87 wrote:nice as newborn puppies, but he is the famous guy who can afford to lose a job and make people look bad for it. If we ever work again we will look as normal as we can and do as we are told and keep the job. it is one thing with friendships. it is another when trying to look professional.


Well and lets face it- being gay is "trendy" and like soooo easy to be acclaimed for THESE days. So it's not a HUGE sacrifice for him to be out about it... but that attitude is like... IDK, something about it... makes us wish we had the same kinda freedom to BE US, too... but then, it wasn't that way for gay people even like 20 years ago, was it?

{\Pixie/}
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 876
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby Zor » Fri May 17, 2019 8:02 pm

VioletFlux wrote:Hey Zor, great thread! Thanks for starting it! And we loved John Barrowman's character in Dr Who & Torchwood! :D

So we're like, almost completely 100% open about our DID. We only try to hide $#%^ when dealing with customers / business stuff. The only reason we're still sorta 'quiet' about it with work is cos we can't afford to lose any customers. Not cos we're embarassed or whatever, but if they decide they don't wanna do business with a 'crazy person', it'd cause us hardship to lose the income.

Everywhere else tho we're open and don't give a ###$. Sister and mum are the only two who had bad 'reactions', so we lost our friendship with the sister, ###$ her. Still put up with the mother cos she sometimes offers financial support and we could still use that. She'll probably never 'get' us and stuff, but we know (now) that she can't provide emotional support, and we won't get hurt if we dont expect it from her.

Best friends were unsure at first, upset a bit when realizing that their former friend (our previous host) was gone, but they both got to know us ok and accepted us all. They react to us very differently now, like one friend always asks who she's talking to or whatever, she's curious and wants to know who's fronting and stuff. The other never asks and just rolls with whatever's going on.

Our neighbor friend has been super accepting and stuff too. V1 told her like within a few weeks of us finding out, cos our family wasn't there for us and she just needed someone nearby to talk to and the neighbor friend is like a kind mother-like person lol.

And we're totally open on our like online stuff. Me and V2 and Arin each have our own twitter accounts, plus a "system" account we all share. And Steph used to have a blog, V1 and V2 actually posted a really long detailed explanation on there for all Steph's readers, to explain why she's gone and what happened.

Basically anyone who's known us in the past 30 years could find out realy easily if they look at Steph's blog, lol. Might get us in trouble, but like Barrowman says - ###$ them if they can't handle it.

Viola


He came out in Capt. Jack's jacket and had a very "blinged" out Tardis-inspired suit on under it. Very cool... made a HUGE roar from the audience.

Nice to be almost completely open? We're hoping to work towards being more open, a little at time, starting with closest friends and family... We will see what happens from the first forays into it. One step at a time, right?

Our online presence we're mixed on- in a community more open, we're getting to be more comfortable being more open... shouldn't be a complication until some of us meet in real life (and could happen given the overlap in con attendance and stuff, and that I might volunteer with some of them some time).

We have kept low key in FB and no blogs about it for us... but maybe some day we can begin opening up about our experiences and perceptions.
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 876
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Being More Open?

Postby Muninn » Fri May 17, 2019 8:06 pm

Being more open is quite a conflicted topic for us.

We have a ton of mental health issues. Our body is trans* and most of us are sort of gay/queer. But currently we are quite in the closet about everything.
I'm one of the reasons for it, because I see how difficult it is at our workplace to be "different". I have seen more than one colleague being fired or at least urged to quit because they had mental health issues (of course our boss did pretend to have other reasons for it). Colleagues and flatmates sometimes show open homo-/transphobia.

If I'd be open about anything, especially the health things, I probably would lose my job at the first available occasion. That would be a lot of stress. And the industry in which I work is quite small here. Everyone knows everyone. That wouldn't make it easy to find something new in the same line of work.

BUT: at the same time some of us really suffer for not being able to be themselves. They have to pretend to be someone else, pretend that everything is alright and we are healthy as everyone. They are wearing cloths they don't like, and lying about our past (I am not seeing it as lie myself, but I am also not considering the body past to be my own past...)
It causes also a lot of stress and negative emotions and it makes health issues worse. I'm not sure what is worse. But I think we should have at least a back up plan at hand, if we plan to be more open. In case we have to find a new job/flat, etc.

-Kiran
Muninn
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 189
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2018 4:05 pm
Local time: Mon May 20, 2019 5:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: GKOKD, MakersDozn, TC1, TheCollective and 92 guests