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Mo’ Knowledge Mo’ Problems (TW: ED)

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Mo’ Knowledge Mo’ Problems (TW: ED)

Postby WhatSheSaid » Fri May 17, 2019 2:38 am

Host here. I’ve kinda pooped in and out of this forum as I come in and out of awareness/acceptance/avoidance. I’m trying really hard right now, no matter how it looks to my others, but this can be hard for me to wrap my head around. I’m the one that’s completely in the dark. I don’t know why I have the problems I have. I don’t feel traumatized and so I don’t feel I have a right to ‘complain’ or to have any of these issues. I know of some things, but I just don’t care/it has no effect on me. My T tells me not to invalidate my other parts, because they have trauma even if I’m not fully connected to it.

In therapy yesterday, another was screaming in my ear. They had been screaming in my ear all day. There was a lot going on and I could hardly speak a clear sentence because so much talking was in my head. So my T asks me to write it down... and it just came out. I found out one of my parts has a problem with eating. I guess it never seemed like a problem to me because I don’t have a problem with eating. I have knowledge of problems around eating from a young age, and there have been bouts of problems throughout the years, but it just seems like there can’t possibly be another thing wrong with me... us.

All of the others have these issues that develop from trauma. Eating problems, BPD, phobias. And I’m here, in this body, and feel no connection, like I’ve never been traumatized. It’s hard to accept.

I appreciate the others. I don’t dislike them. In fact, the only time I feel alive is when they’re around. I’m so empty without them. But, it’s hard for me to validate them. It’s been hard for me to communicate. My T says I want everything to happen instantaneously and it’s true. I just don’t know what to do. I want everything to be better and I want to be able to communicate and have a functioning relationship with all of the others. It just feels like the more I learn, the more problems appear, the further away I come from the goal.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for and I’m sorry I wrote a novel (as always) Does anyone have any tips for someone new to their diagnosis? I was officially diagnosed 4 1/2 months ago. Maybe how to communicate better or how to structure things or how to set boundaries or give everyone time? I’m not sure what a functioning life looks like for me. I ‘function’ well now, but only on autopilot and only when I’m empty and numb.
DX: DID, PTSD (The Others DX: Depression, Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, Generalized Anxiety, Social Phobia, BPD, Possible ED)
Body: 28, Female
(Pending permission to post others names)
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Re: Mo’ Knowledge Mo’ Problems (TW: ED)

Postby Sarandipity » Fri May 17, 2019 7:14 am

It's always hard to validate what we can't see but in the case of DID its the only path to some level of freedom from it. We work through all of our issues one at a time in various different therapies with each part individually. We're now at a point of tackling the issue of DID which is the reverse way round from what we read is how therapy works. But we did that so when we are at that point of tackling the DID problem we would be able to tackle it head on. Now we're just worried going to therapy could mess us up because we function pretty well.
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