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Inner meetings

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Inner meetings

Postby fireheart » Wed May 08, 2019 9:53 am

Hi.

My T wants me to have inner meetings, but I'm at a loss on how to do this.
She wants two parts to lead the meetings, so that one could be observing while the other teaches/talks - and if the one who observes sees something and wants to say something, the talker and the observer could trade places.

Except... I don't think I have an inner world and I can't visualize the parts in my head very well. I have a general sense of what they look like, but I can't "see" it inside. I did think about trying to come up with a space to meet - some sort of safe space: nature. Nature is easier to imagine than spaces, because spaces have more details that "stay in place" (corners, lights, etc.).

I also don't know who would need to lead the meetings and if it would be me, I have no idea what I would "teach".

Without these tips, I've tried it three times already. I just followed the list of names and asked if there was something they wanted to share. The first time it didn't work well at all - I didn't get anything in return. Eventually I got out feeling cards and stones and picked the feelings (about 10) and then divided the stones (representing parts) over them in a way that felt right.
But that's obviously way more abstract than a "meeting".
The second time, some parts actually talked. But it still wasn't nearly a back-and-forth conversation.
The third time, I didn't get anything again. But I let a part play and that helped calm down the hyperarousal state of the body, especially when I interfered with: "yes, that's how things were - but NOW it's like this..."

So, I guess there's some kind of communication - but not nearly like what the T proposed/has in mind. How do you guys have inner meetings? How do you call everyone together? How do you all stay co-conscious at the same time?
Any tips are welcome!
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby VioletFlux » Wed May 08, 2019 10:15 am

Hi fireheart,

Not every system has an inner world, so it's not like a universal thing. Or like in our system, the 'outside team' doesn't really have access to our inner world, so we know its there but we can't get to it. :?

So we've felt really stumped by the whole 'group meetings' thing too. Our T hasn't said we need to do that (or I don't remember if she has lol) but we've read a few books that say it's important.

So what we do, that usually works for us, is while doing a physical activity, we start talking, going through Rebecca. She's like a sort of helper, maybe a gatekeeper, and we tease sometimes that she's like the switchboard operator.

So like, walking, riding a bike, some sort of thing to keep the body moving, we'll start by talking to Rebecca. She's always there. And we'll ask her how things are, what's going on, etc. She almost never has anything to report. But it gets the conversation going. Then we'll ask her who else is awake / around, and we'll ask her to let us talk to each part in turn.

So if she says like, Melissa and Mike and Viola are around, then I'll ask to speak to each one. Then I'll ask Rebecca about the others, like 'how is arin, how is janet, how is charlie' etc.

It's not quite like a round-table meeting with everyone there at once, but whoever is there we try to talk to, go through one at a time, and then anyone not present, we try to get an update from whoever knows.

The physical activity part is important for us cos if we're jsut like sitting in a chair at home, it's harder to stay focused. Too many distractions, the mind gets bored and wanders. But walking or cycling, there's enough focus on that so there isn't that boredom. Sometimes theres distractions but its easier to return to the conversation for somereason.

This all might jus be specific to our system tho, but I'm sure you can find a technique that works for you too. Might be some trial and error or wahtever, experimentation at first. We didn't automatically know how to do this, it was just sort of stumbling into it and discovering we could talk ok during workouts.

It also takes practice too I think? Like find what works for you then keep doing it, cos it'll get better / get easier in time.

And like I said its usually one-at-a-time for us. We've had I think about 6 cocon at once, and it was like an actual meeting, but that only happened one time. It was pretty cool tho.

I dunno about the 'teaching' and 'observing' stuff. We've never thought of that or looked at it like that. Just, checking in to see how everyone's doing, if anyone wants stuff or wants to talk or something.

V2
Outside Team: Arin (22f); Viola (17f); Violet aka V2 (16f);
Inside Team: Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Janet(4f); L----(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Trina(25f); V1(22f); et al.
Body: 49f • Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.Journey ThreadTeam Flux
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby birdsong87 » Wed May 08, 2019 11:39 am

we struggle with the conference room image as well.
usually we would meet in an imagery we know well, like the inner garden.
but that is one team meeting out of... 50?
Usually we talk in the mind while writing in the journal to keep track of what was said or we use the sand tray. that is similar to the stones and emotion cards you used.
I think your T is asking pretty huge steps of you without explaining the small ones in between.
how will you have a team meeting if you don't even know each other or have communication or are at least are somewhat oriented in what is happening?
for daily practice we use an extended roll call. but it needs some practice and some getting used to it for everyone. when you start team meetings can be like kittens in a basket. some chaos and nobody knows what is supposed to happen. give yourself some time and talk kindly to parts in between team meetings to build up relationship.
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed May 08, 2019 2:15 pm

I don't understand why your T is telling your system what it should be doing. Increased communication and cooperation is a general goal, but to give you such an arbitrary and contrived way to try to do it seems bizarre to me. Why are two parts picked out by her to "teach" and "observe?"

I personally dislike any image of corporate board rooms, or mandatory meetings, or anything office- or business-related. We have so many littles--why the f*ck would I call them to a "meeting" where they would be supposed to listen to someone "teach" them something??

The way that we communicate about important and difficult things is through the written journal. That's where I try check in with everyone, although it's been weeks since I've gone through the list and asked each one how they are. Yesterday, I could feel that someone was very upset, and when I finally couldn't avoid writing anymore, I found out that a little was feeling really scared that she would be "hit or yelled at" at an event we're going to tonight.

That was kind of confusing to me, but I think that another part has been SO worried about this event, for other reasons, that this little assumed it must be because something like that would happen there. To her, someone would only get that worried if they were going to be hit or yelled at. I reassured her about it and explained why that absolutely wouldn't be happening, and then that frantic, frightened feeling went away.

Perhaps you can explain to your T that her suggestion doesn't really fit for your system, at least not at this moment in time, and let her know what you have been doing to increase communication. (I'm holding back my protector right now--they would be saying this in a much stronger way...) :D
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby Skaya » Wed May 08, 2019 3:18 pm

I can only agree with what's already been written here - it's daft to try and attempt the latter stages of a fairly complex procedure without having any of the intermediary steps. Start with the basics and then you can try inner meetings, we still don't manage it despite being fairly good at communicating with each other... Jen

Hello. To answer your questions more directly: we call inner meetings by reaching out to the different individual members, by name, and inviting them to participate (with the exception of Xavier and Angel, who exists in a space outside the more 'constructed' inner world). Then those internally will attend if they wish, or not if they do not, and we work together to construct a 'meeting room' of sorts where we can discuss matters.

It should be mentioned here that our 'inner world' is different for all of us: we try to call together a common imagery, usually of a single room, which can be populated by the individual to feel more comfortable. I tend to populate mine with plants and things of that ilk, whereas Echo has her stuffed toys, et cetera. Having a common imagery allows everyone to have a 'place to go to'', as it were - and this is not happening while a party is fronting, but happens exclusively in what one might call the imagination. Co-consciousness therefore isn't an issue, as we're not trying to populate the body.

It is an inexact science, but one that does work when we need to discuss matters of importance. I hope that helps a little, but I do also empathise with the views here that this is quite a lot to be attempting, and I am similarly a little bemused by the talker/observer system being advocated. Wishing you the best, Vivian.
Em (25, f, host), Jen (19, f) Echo (4, f) Angel (9, f), Vivian (36, f), Jacob (13, m), Xavier (?, m), Oliver (?, m) SO Lex (f) may be mentioned.
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby Sarandipity » Wed May 08, 2019 5:23 pm

Could a couple of parts be present in the body and talk there?

"the overlord" wouldn't talk to me internally but I could feel he was there. Then I started to type here because I felt alone in an ignored way. That's when he started to join in - talking internally. By the end of it where I'd typed here he said "you win" and he talks to me now instead of just voicing his opinion in thought form there's more of a co-operative dialogue. He still doesn't say too much but he will communicate more.

So could you try just a couple of parts at first being in the body and maybe let them write or draw and perhaps a convo will start. Much luck, Beth
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby Zor » Wed May 08, 2019 8:12 pm

So we like have an inner world and like lives here- and it's kinda falling apart in some respects as we get mroe like connected outside... but IDK if that's good or bad yet and how it'll change inside like forever going forward...

but Zor's only been INSIDE once and we don't know he did it- but I'd love to have him around more. :)

So like most of us like live in a single place inside, our own houses and stuff, but like they are close by and stuff... we all see each other daily inside in like daily life... so not the same as a "meeting" but we keep like tabs on things- but we've never done the "sit down and talk about inside/outside" kinda stuff

MAYBE once we're all more connected (one of us STILL is in denial about everything) we could do that, and it'd be best if we could get Zor inside, too... IDK...

but I can see how this would be like super helpful for like coordinating and cooperating in like daily life- especially if you're not all co-conscious or even like "aware" of what is happening when any given person is like out.

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Re: Inner meetings

Postby fireheart » Thu May 09, 2019 7:56 am

Oh, wow! That's so much to take in!!
Thank you for the thoughtful responses.

To be fair, the T thinks I already have decent inner communication and I did ask about learning how to do meetings. Although right now I do think the step is probably too big.
It makes me think: what do I need to get there?
Maybe decent 1-on-1 communication (with most if not all), co-consciousness with as many as possible at the same time, a lot of practise (by following the same order of things many times)... empathy, patience, courage. Stronger inner relationships?
And if I'd want to do it the T's way: a place to meet, a way to visualize the parts, extremely good communication with the other leading part.
Is it normal that parts sometimes just literally do not answer at all?

And yeah, no conference room!! It should be comfortable and about bonding.

I'm more fan of a role-call idea rather than the actual meetings. Roll-call seems more doable and good to practise with. I'm going to try using creativity and objects (like the sand tray, playdoh, drawing, maybe Lego) and also exercize. Writing is hard for some reason.

Also, the T did not specify which parts should lead the meeting, just that it should be two of them so they can work together. Having a meeting like she described seems like a whole different level. :shock:
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby LittleMie » Thu May 09, 2019 6:42 pm

I have found this. Over the past couple of years my T has suggested different things. Just suggestions not telling us we have to do them. I have found that some of the things I now do/use but didn't understand them at the time she said them.

We do have inner meetings, we have done this a lot. We have done it for many years and thought that was just how everybody functioned.

One day somebody suggested doing of where everybody was inside and was quite surprised that it was easy to do, it also made me quite sad because it made things more real. This whole thing is so hard to come to terms with. I don't think there is a right or wrong way of doing things. We write on ours walls a lot, we are frightened of loosing things, at one time my T suggested we write in a book but this doesn't work for us. We are trying to aim for being able to communicate without having to deface the house because everyone is not happy with it and we get embarrassed when people come round.
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Re: Inner meetings

Postby Zor » Fri May 10, 2019 3:11 pm

fireheart wrote:I'm more fan of a role-call idea rather than the actual meetings. Roll-call seems more doable and good to practise with. I'm going to try using creativity and objects (like the sand tray, playdoh, drawing, maybe Lego) and also exercize. Writing is hard for some reason.

Also, the T did not specify which parts should lead the meeting, just that it should be two of them so they can work together. Having a meeting like she described seems like a whole different level. :shock:


The roll-call idea is what our T recommended, too... and he has a very definitive "YOU (meaning myself, Zor) need to take the lead". But then, he still sees the others as "parts of me" in the sense that if one of them is interested in something or wants something, like say "cute clothes" (girlie stuff) or a cute skirt, then "deep down inside, it's you"... I disagree. I have ZERO interest in some of the things they do and want, particularly clothing (which I used as an example as it's a big deal for Kitten and Pixie, and likely Chloe though she's been quiet about it for the most part).
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