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Need some confirmation

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Need some confirmation

Postby Merseeme » Tue May 07, 2019 10:47 pm

Hi, all.

So. I am dealing with the knowledge recently that I have DID.

I mean. I guess I always knew. Kind of, anyway. I keep forgetting certain things, though.

Right now, I'm dealing with the fact that I am sharing this body. And can admit that for the first time. I think.

I am definitely co-dominant with my alters. Ok, I mean. I suspect that there are actually several. But there's only two main ones. At least right now. Kind of an older brother and younger brother. Recently they have been fighting horribly with each other. But right now they are cooperating to write this post. One controls one hand and the other controls the other.

I now have memory (in part) of how I came to be split. And I am excited. Because I think I am working on reunifying everything. Now that I have the memory. For a long time, my parts were scared at the concept of reunification. They perceived it as "death". But now, after a few (mostly non-talking) parts have been reunified, they understand. At least, I hope. That it's just like coming back home.

What I don't know is what kind of DID person I am. My alters do not have names, really. They're all pretty determined to call themselves just by my real first name. And they are not always super stable. Except for... outer self and inner self? Inner child? Those two are super strong right now.

The various parts that have come and gone through the years switch roles pretty frequently, which has always been pretty confusing to be honest. But I think it's why I think I have a good shot at reunifying the whole. I guess this was always the plan for me, from day 1. And that it might have finally... worked? Paid off?

So, I'm basically looking for confirmation that this is real. One frustrating thing is that any time I have started to become aware of my DID, the... oversystem? Crashes horribly, and then I have to forget.

Thank you so much for anyone who responds. Please know that I - we, really - really do appreciate it.
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Re: Need some confirmation

Postby Dnester » Wed May 08, 2019 3:16 am

I dont think confirmation is going to help you. I say this because if you look back on my posts you can see I was in denial. Still am sometimes. People tried to tell me I was DID/DDNOS but until I got in therapy it wasnt a whole lot of help even though appreciate it very much. Dont know if this helps. Do you have a DID therapist?
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Re: Need some confirmation

Postby birdsong87 » Wed May 08, 2019 12:11 pm

I see that you have been active in quite a few other parts of psychforums before.
If you are looking for confirmation I would recommend seeing a therapist and getting tested. a diagnosis would be some confirmation.
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
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Re: Need some confirmation

Postby SeveralCrows » Wed May 08, 2019 2:06 pm

I agree with the others that you need to see a professional. No one here can diagnose you.

DID and OSDD form to cope with trauma and the enormity of pain, so just having the memory isn't necessarily going to be enough to integrate. You need to process the trauma. That can be done on your own, but it's usually faster with the right therapist.

If you're asking whether any of that sounds familiar: We've experienced multiple parts having the same name or variations on a name. There was a period where when we felt most confident about being a system that was when we were most likely to go into hard denial. The disorder develops in such a way as to not be noticed, by others or by the person trying to endure an unsafe situation. When it feels safe for your system to fully know itself, that's when crashes stop.

Again, if you want confirmation that this is what you're going through, talk to a professional.

32F Human Body - OSDD-1 System of ~22 known parts, including fragments.
Sev3 is the main front and mostly identifies with the body.
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