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I dont understand myself

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I dont understand myself

Postby Dnester » Fri May 03, 2019 6:14 pm

********* Trigger Warning******( talk of death) So I am taking care of a lady at the group home. She had a stroke. Its not my responsibility but she has been there for me and I care about her. Last night when she came out so weak and frail Thorne wished that she would die so that she could see that. I dont want this lady to die. I actually hate death and that anyone has to die. I wish we could all live forever. I just want to be a good person. I have thought of integration but I am not sure I can handle knowing Thorne as an integrated part. I just dont think my psyche can do it which is probably why she was created in the first place. Idk what to do.
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Re: I dont understand myself

Postby Sarandipity » Sun May 05, 2019 8:43 am

Sounds like you have the "live forever" wish and Thorne has the opposite and "wishes death" So integration could be acceptance of death as an inevitable but with sadness and fear.

We talked through death internally with alters. They had varying views from "life is pointless let's die" to like you alters who wanted to live forever. It took a bit of time but regardless of belief (which ranged from atheism to reincarnation) we got basically on the same page : we have to live and experience this life regardless of what death is or isn't. But there's no rules on how you feel about it. So if you two were alters in our system we'd say Thorne is "allowed" to feel excited by death and you're "allowed" to wish everyone could live forever. As long as you're not killing people or yourself then you can both feel how you like about it but you will work together to make this life as fulfilling as possible. That would mean you helping the lady while she's alive and then because you don't like to deal with death but Thorne does we'd let her deal with the lady dieing part - the funeral or whatever.

That's how we'd deal with you both if you were alters in our system but we appreciate it may be more difficult because you are "in" your own thoughts and feelings and do not have an objective veiw.

Is there any part in your system that could have a more calm objective veiw of both you and Thorne?
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Re: I dont understand myself

Postby Dnester » Sun May 05, 2019 4:06 pm

I am not aware of my system other than Thorne and she doesnt speak unless spoken to. She just mainly feels emotions. Then there is me the body the one that is mainly out. I have ages and names. The chatter gives me those but any farther than that I dont know my parts. I dont know who is doing all the chatter when I am trying to sleep. I do know that Tessa doesnt like his name because it is a girls name and he wants to be called Tez. I also know Thorne doesnt like her name either but I dont like the name she picked. I am really more curious how I can care for someone then wish they would die so I could see it all in one person.
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