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Using my therapist's name

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Using my therapist's name

Postby GKOKD » Wed May 01, 2019 12:28 am

For some reason we feel really uncomfortable using my T's name. I don't address her by name and if I refer to an interaction with her in my journal (which I keep for her to read) I refer to her as "her" or "my T." When I check in with the receptionist for my appointments she usually says her name for me, but if there's someone different there who's asking us who we're there to see I might get it out in a whisper. It almost feels like maybe it's too personal to use her name. Does this make any sense?

KK
KK - 46 yr. old mother of two adopted children
2T - Two year old girl. nonverbal
"Little K" - very young girl
Christian (The Rule Maker) - protecter/abuser
Seven - Adult male
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby VioletFlux » Wed May 01, 2019 12:51 am

Hi KK,

We've been seeing our current T for about 6 months now, and we're almost ready to ask her, how should we address her.

We don't say her name. We say "Hi" or whatever. We don't know what to call her, what to say. fortunately we've never had to tell anyone who we're there to see, the person at the desk just knows us I guess, and there's just our T and an assistant or something.

Just trying to say, it makes perfect sense to us. TBH we've been like this, with everyone, all the time. We don't address anyone by name. We are really uncomfortable with how to address people so we just generally don't.

Arin
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby Johnny-Jack » Wed May 01, 2019 1:46 am

Both these posts are interesting. Are you able to say her name at home aloud when your alone? If so, what happens? Did she give you a business card? You could present that to the receptionist.

I think it's worth finding out who is uncomfortable with using her name and why. And it probably is a who unless you've noticed all of you do this in other circumstances.

You know, I think this might be something to address with your T. It should be part of therapy since it seems to say something about your relationship or someone's view of her.
74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, twins Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby VioletFlux » Wed May 01, 2019 2:31 am

Sorry if I'm going off-topic KK. Maybe our issue is totally different from yours, as for us it's more general, we have trouble addressing everyone.

We have no problem saying our T's name when at home alone or whatever. I think we could say it to someone else. We just have problems addressing people directly.

We have a theory about it, for us. We went to work for our dad at a young age, where all grownups were normally "Mr or Mrs so-and-so" and our parents were normally "mom and dad" except in the work environment, it was all first names. Grownups were talking to us on a grownup level and we simply didn't know how to respond to that.

Do we call our boss 'dad'? No that seems really wrong. Do we call him by his 1st name? That seems equally wrong. So we call him nothing. Same with our mum. Same with everyone else. And we got stuck with that. That's our theory.

Arin

p.s. I have absolutely no memory of writing the 2nd post in this thread, even though it has my name at the bottom. I don't know if I wrote it and then forgot, or if someone else wrote it and used my name. It bothers me a lot though. :(
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby GKOKD » Wed May 01, 2019 2:51 am

Thanks to both of you for your responses.

It's not like this with everyone. Almost everyone I can address by name. There are just a couple names I find triggering including my legal name, which I don't use, and my sister's name since she is an abuser, so those make sense.

I can say my therapist's name at home, if I need to (talking to the kids), but I don't like to, and I write it by my appointment times in my planner, but I don't like her to see it and I feel like I shouldn't be writing it. The business card is a good idea.

The most fearful parts don't talk much or at all anyway, though I suppose they could still feel uncomfortable for anyone in the body to say it. I don't know who else it would be, or why. I'm afraid to tell her, because I'm afraid of her paying attention to it. She's probably noticed already, anyway, from reading my journals, but it would just get more awkward.

KK
KK - 46 yr. old mother of two adopted children
2T - Two year old girl. nonverbal
"Little K" - very young girl
Christian (The Rule Maker) - protecter/abuser
Seven - Adult male
Major Depression, ED NOS, Anx Disorder, DID, PTSD
Guiness - Italian Greyhound Pet
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby Johnny-Jack » Wed May 01, 2019 3:39 am

If I have a T session where I don't feel awkward, it was a fail. Big one. For me, I need to be off balance, things need to get confusing part of the time and our head or emotions messy. Otherwise it's a social visit. And we wasted way too much $money$ over decades of therapy to do that again. My POV.

Ultimately this isn't about the T herself, right? The origin is something else, along the lines of what Arin identified. This will probably not even be new to your T.
74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, twins Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby GKOKD » Wed May 01, 2019 12:17 pm

***Possible TW for mention of SH***

Thanks for responding again, Johnny-Jack.

I'm still at the very beginning... you know... safety and stabilization, and awkward is a mild term. Still working really hard to even get grounded. Sometimes we can't speak at all in session, other times we can answer some simple question that only require one or two word answers. Often, like yesterday, we firmly believe that T doesn't even want to see us anymore and it seems like any little thing we do will ruin everything. Familiarity with and communication within the system is still very minimal and a couple alters are engaging in SH on a daily basis. We do keep a detailed daily journal and share it with our T so she knows what's going on and I could copy this thread and add it to my journal, but I don't know if we could handle even being in the office with her as she's reading it. It feels that uncomfortable, and maybe even forbidden. Hmmmm, having used that word, I bet it's Christian (the rule maker) who forbids it, but I still don't know why. It does feel like one of his arbitrary rules, though. That would explain why all of us are afraid to use her name, though. We're all afraid of breaking the rules, because when we do, Christian hurts us and the body. Okay, so I think we've sorted out who's behind it, we just don't know why. It's odd. I was thinking last night that I haven't had this issue with any other T that I remember. My memory is pretty limited, but I remember my last therapist and I didn't have this problem with her. In fact, I'll be seeing her again in about a month, when my current T is going out on maternity leave... but that's a whole other can of worms. I don't have any problem using her name, though. That's another reason why we're afraid to address this in therapy now, though. We don't want to have too many raw issues open when she leaves. Our old therapist will only be able to see us once a week, so we will probably only have time to focus on the struggle to achieve/maintain stability and safety.

Thank you for prompting me to look for an answer inside, though. I'm not any more comfortable with it, and perhaps am even less comfortable, but I feel fairly certain that Christian is the one behind it, even though I still don't know why. Christian has many rules like that, though, and maybe their origin is not something I'm ready/able to understand at this time, even though I'm aching to understand and feeling troubled by not understanding.

KK
KK - 46 yr. old mother of two adopted children
2T - Two year old girl. nonverbal
"Little K" - very young girl
Christian (The Rule Maker) - protecter/abuser
Seven - Adult male
Major Depression, ED NOS, Anx Disorder, DID, PTSD
Guiness - Italian Greyhound Pet
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby subversiverisks » Fri May 03, 2019 7:46 pm

A whisper do it several times is really convincing a powerful to NOT DENY your diagnoses. UNTIL I INTREGRATE YOU! Stop with the shame it is only your benefit for the moment.. they'll be brighter day!
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby GKOKD » Fri May 03, 2019 9:50 pm

Huh?
KK - 46 yr. old mother of two adopted children
2T - Two year old girl. nonverbal
"Little K" - very young girl
Christian (The Rule Maker) - protecter/abuser
Seven - Adult male
Major Depression, ED NOS, Anx Disorder, DID, PTSD
Guiness - Italian Greyhound Pet
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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GKOKD
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Re: Using my therapist's name

Postby justonemoreperson » Sat May 04, 2019 7:50 am

OP:

Question, born out of my own ignorance of this condition:

Do you have a subconscious mistrust of those not of yourself? It's natural that people associate with those who are the same. Your therapist might represent a threat to the safety of your internal 'group'.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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