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How do you break an alters trigger to front?

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How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Mon Apr 29, 2019 4:41 pm

In our case 'Maddie' who was previous full time host who dealt with all interaction with real people has now decided she wishes to stay on the inside and be carer for child alter Bobby.

Our problem is somethings seem to be auto triggers to recall her eg this morning I (as Kit) was all ready to head off with the current dog (irl) when he suddenly barked and I saw the window cleaners go to the house behind us. As we always lock our back gate and the window cleaner has only ever met Maddie it triggered a switch as Maddie had to go outside to unlock the back gate.

Unfortunately it seems I may have sworn louder than I realised and he heard as he never came and Maddie was sat waiting at the door to pay him. Sioux had just been about to hang the washing out before we were going to set off, but couldn't do that in case he turned up any minute. After 30 mins from me first spotting him at neighbours behind he still hadn't come! Eventually frustrated Maddie disappeared back 'inside' and I set off with the dog so Maddie wouldn't be auto recalled if he did turn up again.

So seeing someone we know may come to the door ie postman coming round if we're expecting a parcel, or doorbell ringing suddenly unexpectedly auto triggers Maddie. How do we break this trigger so ..say Sioux could answer the door instead? Currently we can only control who answers the door if we know in advance someone is coming at a specific time eg the food delivery coming between 1-2pm , Sioux can be upfront and ready for the van pulling up, door open to invite him straight in (so he doesn't ring doorbell).

Thanks

Kit
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby Sarandipity » Mon Apr 29, 2019 9:10 pm

I keep thinking about this for you. There must be a way. At first I thought maybe it'd be "unfair" but then I realised its your system and you all chose this so you need to achieve your aim.

I keep thinking about it but without knowing how you and your system works or knowing the alter you need to stop I can't answer.

But there must be a way. Much luck.
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby subversiverisks » Mon Apr 29, 2019 9:38 pm

I'd ask inside to make sure that whomever you WANT to answer the door, shows their hand. There needs to be more knowledge here in this interaction not just what you hear. For example, the movie Frankie in Alice when she sees the Caucasian women in the mirror.



To summarize, when in a different interaction ask inside to show especially if a different cultural/race to show their difference. This meant to deceive if you believe that the alter in question is still opening the door. You have to counter with the alter that you WANT to open the door will actually open it.
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby Una+ » Mon Apr 29, 2019 10:03 pm

Often just thinking about it and deciding what you want to happen will be enough to enable it to happen.

If that doesn't do it for you, how about some experimentation? Ask friends to come over some time in the next X hours or days but not tell you when, so you can experiment with ways of not switching when you open the door to an unexpected caller.

Also, think back over what happened this time, in detail. How did it feel inside? Did you feel anything before the switch happened? Once I understood I was switching I began to be able to notice it starting and then I was able to control it. I also got better at recognizing people I had met before in another identity state. This sometimes would take me a while, so I learned to say something like "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, I'm just experiencing a little cognitive dissonance. Just a moment..." Then I would wait to remember their name and our relationship; once that happened I was able greet them as "usual".
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Tue Apr 30, 2019 7:03 am

Thing is Maddie has decided she wants to stay on the inside for a while. She says she's exhausted as she dealt with all the major issues for the body for the last 13 years She doesn't want to be auto sent to the front just because the doorbell rings, though she says she doesn't mind coming out occasionally to help with something important like medicals if we give her enough notice. And will come out when her friend visits,as the friend visibly noticed we were different when me and Sioux tried to 'be Maddie' when Maddie had failed to trigger because her powerchair broke suddenly.


We had decided Sioux was taking over day to day stuff with me. Apparently she has been deep in the inner world for many years hoping for an opportunity to come out.

Other than disconnecting the doorbell to see if its specifically that and if we can regain control better if they only knock or something? Family and friends always text when they are setting off as they don't want to waste time driving over here to find I'm still out with the dog and will take me another 30 mins to get home or something! I've thought of a video doorbell though they aren't cheap so I can see whose there before deciding whether to answer the door or not.

We don't know whether there's another controller of the system pushing Maddie up front if they think we should always answer the door as Maddie, as they've never made themselves known to us. I'm still quite new to discovering I have a system at all!
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby IainEtc » Tue Apr 30, 2019 11:58 am

Hi Kit and Maddie,

The problem is that's kind of the way a seriously functional system works. I mean things are automatic so it happens fast and nobody figures out we're DID. Then things change but we're still on automatic. We had kind of the same thing. I automatically come out when there's like too much tension in a group. We had to learn to relax in those situations so I wouldn't get triggered. I couldn't just stop because I wasn't in control. We all had to relax.

Hope this helps.

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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Tue Apr 30, 2019 3:48 pm

KitMcDaydream wrote: She doesn't want to be auto sent to the front just because the doorbell rings


You could start by trying to let sioux press the doorbell herself a couple of dozen times and see if you could reprogram the automation that brings maddie to the front on that cue.
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Wed May 01, 2019 11:22 am

TeddyBear the helper wrote:
KitMcDaydream wrote: She doesn't want to be auto sent to the front just because the doorbell rings


You could start by trying to let sioux press the doorbell herself a couple of dozen times and see if you could reprogram the automation that brings maddie to the front on that cue.


Can't believe that never occurred to us! We'll get to work on that! Thanks! :D
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Wed May 01, 2019 11:35 am

IainEtc wrote:Hi Kit and Maddie,

The problem is that's kind of the way a seriously functional system works. I mean things are automatic so it happens fast and nobody figures out we're DID. Then things change but we're still on automatic. We had kind of the same thing. I automatically come out when there's like too much tension in a group. We had to learn to relax in those situations so I wouldn't get triggered. I couldn't just stop because I wasn't in control. We all had to relax.

Hope this helps.

Iain



ah ok I can see how that makes sense! ..and routine is a big one for me, it takes a long time for me to be able to break an established routine and start a new one. I thought it was maybe that issue that was holding us back.

Ok I'll try and figure out a plan for everyone to read, see if we can all get 'on the same page' with this, trying Teddy Bear's suggestion below.

In an effort to help us all see the body at the same level of ability I wrote a list like the body was a piece of mobility equipment and how it worked and what it could or couldn't do regardless of what the alter thought they could or couldn't do. like an instruction manual for it I guess! Hopefully this will help us individually have a more connected system as a team again.
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Re: How do you break an alters trigger to front?

Postby Una+ » Sun May 05, 2019 1:22 pm

The first and often hardest step toward change is to fully intend to change. Talking about the behavior, why it is a problem, and what behavior you want to happen instead, is all good. The last part, identifying a desired new behavior, is especially important. And the good news is that with DID, once you have done this work, actually making the change is relatively easy.
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