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Looking into your past

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Looking into your past

Postby Angel on the Balcony » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:11 am

I was diagnosed DID three years ago. Hard to accept at the time, cos I don’t remember anything too traumatic or abusive.

I live with an aging narcissistic mum.

I've been told by an aunt that mum used to mistreat me as a child, and that dad, in fear of my safety used to take me to stay with his parents, rather than leave me alone with mum.

Coming from my aunt, I obviously want to know how true this is. Can’t ask mum, cos from recent experience of asking her anything, things I know to be true, she’s denied, or suggested that I imagined it.

Only person to ask is dad. Relationship with him isn’t great. So I wrote him a letter. Thought he would help. But no. Doesn’t want anything to do with my letter.

I imagine that this is a common problem. Parents not willing to talk about your past. How have others dealt with this problem.
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Re: Looking into your past

Postby VioletFlux » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:49 am

We're in a somewhat similar situation - we have some hints and clues of things... a few fuzzy memories, or just random snippits of knowledge, "X happened when we were age Y", "our dad did Z to us", "mum did X all the time" sort of thing.

We're not going to be able to get corroboration or other 'evidence'. Our dad's passed away, our mum is also aging and either narcissistic or maybe borderline or maybe even DID herself, and there's noone else we could ask. And some stuff happened in foster care and there's no way to find the details of that.

So instead of trying to find details or answers or evidence, we're just focusing on addressing our situation in the present, healing or helping the parts of ourself who are still suffering.

This does bring up different memories, or fragments of memories. Stuff we "didn't know" before. We can't 'prove' it's real or not. So we accept it's real to the parts who remember it, and just focus on helping them get past it.

Arin

p.s. Are you safe now? Like, living with your (former) abuser?

Our mum is a master at manipulation and emotional games, though I don't think shes even aware she's doing it most of the time. :? It took us a lifetime and then a breakdown / DID crisis to finally realize how bad she can be, but we luckily don't live with her any more.
Outside Team: Arin (22f); Viola (17f); Violet aka V2 (16f);
Inside Team: Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Janet(4f); L----(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Trina(25f); V1(22f); et al.
Body: 49f • Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.Journey ThreadTeam Flux
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Re: Looking into your past

Postby Una+ » Thu Apr 25, 2019 2:33 am

Keeping secrets is one thing dysfunctional families are good at. And remember: one of the best ways to mitigate risk is to avoid it. Keeping a safe distance is far more important than digging into what other people consider to be their own business.

Dig into your stuff, open that can of worms inside yourself, but try to leave your family of origin out of it. I know that is really hard to do. We feel like we owe it to them, to help them see the light; or we owe it to ourselves to get closure. Or something. But they don't see it that way. What they see is us meddling, possibly to hurt them. And more often than not they hurt us back.

If you do want to involve your family of origin, expect the process to take years. Go very, very slowly and don't expect much good to come of it.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: Looking into your past

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Thu Apr 25, 2019 4:10 am

Angel on the Balcony wrote:I was diagnosed DID three years ago. Hard to accept at the time, cos I don’t remember anything too traumatic or abusive.

I live with an aging narcissistic mum.

I've been told by an aunt that mum used to mistreat me as a child, and that dad, in fear of my safety used to take me to stay with his parents, rather than leave me alone with mum.

Coming from my aunt, I obviously want to know how true this is.


Unless you have another likely candidate for someone who mistreated you over a long period of time to the point where you developed DID, (and "mistreat" can include neglecting your emotional needs, which is a kind of "invisible" abuse and something narcissistic people are notorious for, since everything is all about them), then it was probably your mother. Like Arin and Una+ said, what you can focus on is your own healing--helping the parts of you who are suffering with whatever is true for them.
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