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working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

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working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Mon Apr 15, 2019 10:07 am

Many years ago Thea and Kit made a great team (roughly ages 17-27) enabling the physical body to achieve things thought achievable for it. I guess it was kind of like conjoined twins in the sense of 2 minds sharing the one body.

Thea disappeared for a while then unknown to Kit reappeared as or within Maddie. (I suspect though she also influenced Kit enough to get them out of the Autism unit, so Thea could get her social life back) I'm not sure if this was originally why Maddie blocked Kit orwhether Thea was doing that. So either only Maddie was out or only Kit was out (when she did eventually return) but there was never any co-hosting between Kit and Maddie.

It seems Thea felt Kit was holding her back and re-emerged via Maddie when she got the chance and Kit disappeared due to been unable to cope with the physical contact and interaction involved whilst in hospital and to get her diagnosis.(which now seems is a wrong diagnosis!)

Now Maddie has disappeared since the physical body has partially recovered, Thea wants to rejoin with Kit, realising Kit is getting most of the time 'upfront' to do what she wants.

However Kit now has an understanding the body is not deaf and it's the autism and feels unable to relate to Thea anymore and is also more than a little hurt to find out that Thea had been co-hosting with Maddie for all those years whilst Kit had been blocked.

Kit wants to work with Sioux, a newer alter who seems to still be in the process of 'finding herself' and what/who she wants to present as, but as promised to be ready by the bodies 'significant birthday' later this year and to team up with Kit so she can enjoy a rare couple of days with family as herself (having a less autistic alter co-hosting with her seems to take the intensity out of her phobia's/reactions so she's better able to cope with going out to social events and life in general). Kit wishes to work as 'twins' with Sioux and feels betrayed by Thea.

Thea wants to work with Kit as Twins so she can get 'up front' more often I suspect and possibly try to influence where the body goes and what it does again. Given the level of betrayal Kit is feeling 'the system' can't see it ending well and feels it maybe damaging on an emotional level to again feel constantly locked in battle.

In effect Thea rather sneakily had an extra 15 years 'out' without Kit, (through co-hosting with Maddie while she was at her most socially active) so Kit doesn't want her 'taking over' again and has made plans to co-host with Sioux when Sioux feels ready to be the new permanant 'front' for the next several years.

so should the system insist Thea and Maddie take a break and let Kit and Sioux evolve more? The 'twinning' with Sioux maybe just what Kit needs to move forwards and enjoy the latter part of her life as an older adult without any work/college/relationship pressures.

Maddie and Thea didn't prioritize looking after the physical body and Kit has done most of the work through physio in the home to get it back its current state. The system believes 'twinning' 2 alters will help the mind feel 'as one' again as it has been struggling with feeling 'split' for quite a while now.
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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Tue Apr 16, 2019 7:33 am

I'm not sure who wrote this post? ..I asked Sioux she said it wasn't her. It wasn't me either!

Maybe 'the system' was asking for help? ...or maybe it's Thea messing about trying to find a way to stay up front again?

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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby Floralie » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:04 am

I read the message, but it was too hard to understand and I can't concentrate so much right now, so I didn't have energy to try to draw it on a paper or something to understand it better. It was hard, because there was so many names in it, and they are not familiar to me, and they aren't in the signature with description or anything like that, so it was just a lot of people I don't know. And also it's really hard to know what would help your system, because everyone's is different and works different ways.

It's interesting idea, that "the system" wrote the message. I'm still wondering do I believe system can do something like that. System is all parts of personality together, so it would mean all did it together. I do believe system makes decisions, or all subconscious things are "decided by the system", like for example if new part needs to be created or if the host needs to be replaced. But I think system just does these things, because it has all the knowledge and it happens naturally. I don't think I believe system is still with it's own mind, I think it's more like a force than personality. Otherwise it would not be that different from parts, and it is supposed to be bigger thing. Somehow I feel systems don't ask questions, parts do. System is kind of above all identity traits. System uses parts, but can it make them do something without them knowing, I don't know.

Maybe it's not exactly true that system makes decision for itself, now that I think about it more precisely. Maybe it's subconscious making decisions for the system. I think that describes it better what I think. System is all parts, and parts are conscious. They are still created because of subconscious reasons, not because of anyone or anything reasoning, but as a reaction to what happens, like instinctive reaction. So that is why I don't think system writes anything, unless it means all were co-conscious and did it together. And subconscious do not ask questions from any identities, not the ones in the same mind it exists, or identities of other systems.

So I think it was a part who wrote, or few of them together, but if it would've been whole system, you all would know about it, because you all are the system. You don't have to agree with me about what I wrote, but to me it makes sense like that.

As we know hosts can change, and it's not usually anyone's choice to become one, it just happens to them and they can't stop it happening with their conscious minds, because subconscious made the decision, and I believe subconsciously all parts are way more clearly just one thing, not separate identities like they are consciously all with their separate consciousness. Does that make sense to you?
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 defender
Lucas M 16 self care manager
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder with DID-system:
- Leon M 4 ANP-little
Ferro M 14/24
Rami M 25 inner caretaker manager, inner protector
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:24 am

I don't know how to make a signature?

Our system doesn't have a name as such mainly because i never understood it as 'a system' before now, so it never occurred to me to give it a name. I guess I assumed they were my subconscious thoughts!

Maybe then if 'the system' was unsure what to do they requested another alter who had 'gone quiet' to type it out to see if any one had any suggestions?

I (as Kit) understand how working as twins has worked for me before because of the Exposure Anxiety and the the fact it is extremely anxiety producing to do things 'as myself' in front of anyone. Still .... when I am much older... this must be a part of the autism that can never change?

Sioux is happy to work with me and be my 'public face'. We are looking through pictures together haircuts, clothes styles and going to come up with a new 'front' we both like that reflects the physical bodies age and mobility more accurately.

We are going to try and sort out the house and garden this summer in the hope we will be able to work 'as one' by the time we've finished it all. Everyone feels very seperate and disjointed recently like my becoming aware of the system is suddenly forcing all these other alters or parts forward, who I have no idea how to deal with!

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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Apr 16, 2019 10:51 am

Hi Kit and all,

We find two alters sharing the body, completely sharing physically, works best. It's harder because of learning coordination but it's definitely better.

We don't pair anyone with anyone though and sometimes alters who like to front together are not a good a pair because they do dumb stuff or lack certain important concerns like how much money to spend.

We paired Beth and Karen out front for 3 years and they worked fantasticly together but now we like everyone to have fair turns if they want them or if it's beneficial to physical real life.

We would, from what you have said, pair Souix with Kit. It sounds like Kit is good at allowing alters to develop because she allowed Thea that and also Thea has purely selfish reasons for wanting to be paired..

We pretty much often have the reverse problem of everyone wanting to be inside not outside. Pairing is done for practical reasons of who's better in given situations and which alters feel more comfortable with which or which pairs create calm internally. We experimented: Karen + Patrick = one night stands (not good) Patrick + no-one = Patrick reassures no-one and tries to let her speak but currently speaks for her because she speaks very short sentences that aren't full sentences and in the third person. Basically he's trying to teach her to speak but she's resistant. They are the unexpected pair that could work. We can't put no-one with any of the female alters because they would overtake her. No-one and Mandy get on but they went to the coast, bought clothes, expensive food that we needed not to do so they have fun and share the body really well but they are not responsible. We were too high that day to care so eventually Rose stepped in and was really cross with them. The bf said we shouldn't be in charge if we're going to be high and we see his point but it was Sunday so we just let Mandy and No - one have fun until someone cared and that was Rose although they tricked her out with Italian food and when she realised how much money they'd spent she was fuming. Also those two together, Mandy and no-one, have higher anxiety than other pairs so they're completely not an ideal pair.

So you have to work out what is a good pair and that's only done by experiment. The twins. Going to sign Beths last post now because she forgets to say who she is which isn't really fair on a forum like this. Peace.

-- Tue Apr 16, 2019 10:58 am --

KitMcDaydream wrote:I don't know how to make a signature?

Our system doesn't have a name as such mainly because i never understood it as 'a system' before now, so it never occurred to me to give it a name. I guess I assumed they were my subconscious thoughts!

Maybe then if 'the system' was unsure what to do they requested another alter who had 'gone quiet' to type it out to see if any one had any suggestions?

I (as Kit) understand how working as twins has worked for me before because of the Exposure Anxiety and the the fact it is extremely anxiety producing to do things 'as myself' in front of anyone. Still .... when I am much older... this must be a part of the autism that can never change?

Sioux is happy to work with me and be my 'public face'. We are looking through pictures together haircuts, clothes styles and going to come up with a new 'front' we both like that reflects the physical bodies age and mobility more accurately.

We are going to try and sort out the house and garden this summer in the hope we will be able to work 'as one' by the time we've finished it all. Everyone feels very seperate and disjointed recently like my becoming aware of the system is suddenly forcing all these other alters or parts forward, who I have no idea how to deal with!

Kit


In response to "the system writing the post" we think it's more likely you have subconscious alters working your system for optimisation. It's easier subconscious. But they probably were unsure what to do about this situation. Although we also suspect they know Soiux is better with Kit and wrote this so someone would say it and the others would except it. If you have got subconscious alters we would like to say, before we go and someone else here deals with our life, Hey, respect. Peace out.
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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby Floralie » Tue Apr 16, 2019 6:41 pm

You don't have to have a signature, Kit, but if you do want to make one, click User control panel from upper left corner of the page, then choose "profile" from the page that opens up, and from there Edit signature. Writing it works same way than writing a message in here, and after you've wrote it and submit, it comes automatically to all your messages, old ones and new.

I made mine recently, it was hard to decide what I wanted to write in it. And it's totally OK not to have one. I was just confused because of other things when I read your message, and I couldn't wrap my mind around it, because it was hard to concentrate.

About system names, we don't have one either. We just go with our individual names, and it's my name (nickname) as a user name, because it's me mostly writing. And I wasn't thinking that boys may wanna post also when I registered it. If I'd been wise enough to think about that, I would have chosen some unisex name, and not girly one, and then we would've all just told who is it writing in every post.

I'd love to co-host with Lucas, he's good at outside things and taking care of the body and doing paper work in time etc. and I'm good at what we do for living. I think he would be best match to be fronting a lot, or be close to me when I front. He is also very outgoing and social, so he would be good at it. But I don't have any control over how they move. Sami has been close to me lately, probably because there's things happening inside the system and he's there kind of being the security guy or something.

Can you just decide like that who are the main fronts in your system? I think that's really good co-operation if you can do it. It's great, even after drama, to be able to make sensible decisions.
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 defender
Lucas M 16 self care manager
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder with DID-system:
- Leon M 4 ANP-little
Ferro M 14/24
Rami M 25 inner caretaker manager, inner protector
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Thu Apr 18, 2019 8:17 am

Spent over an hour typing a reply, hit send and it makes me log in (again, had done it once!) and then loses everything! :o

Will have to leave it for now as dog needs walking and got other stuff to get through today. Why doesn't it save what you typed when you've already logged in once before choosing to reply???? It's really frustrating!!
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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby Floralie » Thu Apr 18, 2019 6:13 pm

Yes, it's annoying. For some reason forum doesn't count writing a message as doing something, but thinks you aren't doing anything and logs you out after some time. Next time you can copy your text just in case, before sending it, or you can choose "log me in every time" when you log in next time. Then your text will be saved.
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 defender
Lucas M 16 self care manager
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder with DID-system:
- Leon M 4 ANP-little
Ferro M 14/24
Rami M 25 inner caretaker manager, inner protector
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
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Re: working as twins - how to resolve the conflict?

Postby KitMcDaydream » Thu Apr 18, 2019 6:57 pm

Yeah I wasn't sure what to write in a signature as I don't know the roles exactly of each alter as I'm still very new to this.

I consider myself the OS (Original self) as I'm the one with the most memories of family, childhood, most of my life etc. The one born into the physical body.

The others mainly only front when I have to communicate with people or go out etc. I never previously thought of them having their own lives in an inner world or anything like that, but having autism I struggle to understand and imagine what real people in the outside world (who I know well like family) are feeling or doing when they're not with me, never mind alters!

I'm not sure whether they'd be classed as just 'parts' in the technical sense of DID or not? ...and as I've said before the names were just made up for this board and in no way resemble my real legal name or any of their nicknames...so I didn't know what to write.

I'm not sure how anyone else's system works and what most would and wouldn't be able to do,but I'd hazard a guess that me having Autism will have an affect on how my system works because of how I'd relate to it and understand it all differently (or not at all it seems for most of my life!).

My understanding of the 'personas' as I used to call them was that I'd created them at some point to deal with the outside world and they each represented a major change going on in my life (illness or death of family etc) which had caused me to dissociate at that point in time. In some cases I was in the background living life through them, in others the life event was so traumatic I found myself feeling I was 'waking up in another life' at a point further down the line.

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