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Alters who seem older than they really are

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Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby Johnny-Jack » Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:37 am

We keep finding that our initial impression of some alters is that they seem much older than they actually are. Signs are there, like they tend to make juvenile or stubborn and immature choices, but I only realize it in hindsight.

Many seem to take on or borrow a lot of the mature behavior of older alters, body movement, voice, etc. Then at some point it happens that they get detached temporarily so they're suddenly completely on their own. It's clear to all they're teens or younger. They're sometimes surprised too.

Watching them, I keep thinking it's me making what I see are bad choices. I'm not even sure what to call this phenomenon. Does anyone have similar experiences?
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby BeccaBee » Fri Mar 15, 2019 10:36 am

yes. as the biological aging continues we struggle more and more with the dissonance from this disparity.

we are basically children and teens struggling to live in an adult world.

Johnny-Jack wrote:
Many seem to take on or borrow a lot of the mature behavior of older alters, body movement, voice, etc. Then at some point it happens that they get detached temporarily so they're suddenly completely on their own. It's clear to all they're teens or younger. They're sometimes surprised too.



yes. we can all drive and pass for adultish. but sometimes it is like the support tether comes loose or something.
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Dx: DID, C-PTSD, TES


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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby birdsong87 » Fri Mar 15, 2019 10:50 am

not sure if it is something similar...
we have been working with both Thamara and Danielle. When they are in contact with a helper they seem to have aged considerably. When life is difficult and they lose connection to their helper they show signs of regression back to their original age. we think it is something like a shared maturity/a bit of blending that helps them be more mature most of the time. the lower our dissociative barriers get the more we to seem share older traits. when the barriers are suddenly raised they lose that again.
I hope that even makes sense :roll:
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby VioletFlux » Fri Mar 15, 2019 10:55 am

Hey, so this is probably not really the same thing but reminded me of it.

V1 was really phobic of us having child alters, so when she encountered them, she tended to start out wanting them to be older. Like when she first met Melissa she was like, "oh she must be like 12 or 13 or something" because she didn't want the possibility of dealing with little kids.

So they had to be really explicit and say like "yeah no I'm 7" or whatever.

And like BeccaBee said, they can pass for adults, at least the ones who front. Like when Melissa gets caught out fronting by someone else, she won't let on she's a kid. She might not be able to fully act adult, but she can do enough to have a short conversation. I dunno if she can drive but I wouldn't be surprised tbh.

And also like BeccaBee said - we're mostly kids and teens trying to deal with an old adult body & life. Arin's wound up the most mature of us and she's only been around like less than 2 months.

So we all have to act older than we really want at times.

And maybe this is more ontopic but like, Mike has told us he's 35. He showed us what he looks like. But otoh he's been around for every Littles Day we've had? Just being protective of the littles or is there something he's not telling us?

And Anger, we've always thought of as a faceless nameless emotional fragment, but Rebecca has started questioning if there might be a little behind that. Maybe what we 'see' is just a mask.

Neither Anger or Mike front much though, like really rarely. So there's less chance of them doing stuff to make us really question their age or whatever.

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Outside Team: Arin (22f); Viola (17f); Violet aka V2 (16f);
Inside Team: Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Janet(4f); L----(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Trina(25f); V1(22f); et al.
Body: 49f • Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.Journey ThreadTeam Flux
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:14 pm

Johnny-Jack wrote:We keep finding that our initial impression of some alters is that they seem much older than they actually are. Signs are there, like they tend to make juvenile or stubborn and immature choices, but I only realize it in hindsight.


The selfimage and the mind is two separate things.
and Ts should also be aware of it so they dont talk over the head of alters who seem much older than they are. Some papers especially warn about persecutoralters and other introjects who has taken the image of some grownup outsider, behaving and talking like someone old but behind the surface thinks and understands things as a kid at the age they were created.
Helper for a couple of DID-ers. Admin for a traumaforum for scandinavian languages , http://traumeverden.net/
(I may have ddnos/did myself too..)
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby SOHank » Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:22 pm

VioletFlux wrote:
And Anger, we've always thought of as a faceless nameless emotional fragment, but Rebecca has started questioning if there might be a little behind that. Maybe what we 'see' is just a mask.

Neither Anger or Mike front much though, like really rarely. So there's less chance of them doing stuff to make us really question their age or whatever.
Viola


As you and TB mention, I also think that Sunflower's angry one, B., is much younger than she presents. She was frustrated with the kitchen chairs once and wanted to throw them all away and get new ones so they would fit better... I mentioned it to SF at dinner once about the same thing TB is saying and how I suspected B. might be younger. That was met with a lot of internal screaming, according to SF. "Shut him up! Make him shut up NOW!" Probably would have been external screaming, but we were at a restaurant. :roll:
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby fireheart » Fri Mar 15, 2019 3:51 pm

Familiar for us, too.
I see it as an adaptive thing - trying to stay covert and hidden.
Personally, I think it would make us more vulnerable if it's clearly visible that a younger part is present.
And the youngest parts have often been around for the longest time. That means that they've had time to learn skills that would usually be learned at a later age. 8)
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby Floralie » Fri Mar 15, 2019 4:16 pm

That seems to be pattern, that behind parts who appear to be scary to others, there's a little one hiding behind the stronger part, or it's a mask. I don't know if I've ever heard of a part like that who wasn't or didn't have little one behind them in the end. Some parts aren't how they look like, but if how they look like is there to protect them, it should never just be ribbed away from them, leaving them vulnerable. They are how they are like for reason. They decide when they feel safe to expose themself. I believe in treating all defender parts with respect, and that's it. There's no other ways treating them than the respectful way. You don't hit them where you know can be their weak spot, and use it against them. Never. I feel hatred growing inside when reading about exposing littles against their will. Non of our big ones would let it happen to littles inside our systems. After that you'd deal only with defenders and they are not forgive and forget type of persons.

I don't have experience about littles looking like they'd be bigger than they are. 3 out of 4 teenagers in our systems have been older before, than they are now tho. I don't think it's appearing to be older than they were for real, our known system works so differently, I think they all had reasons why they wanted to go back in time to be younger. So maybe this is completely different thing. Lucas is the only one who has stayed 16 "all the time". There is 19 year old version of him too tho, but it wasn't active before younger one, like with others. He can just sometimes live in time 3 years from now. Sami can do the same, Ferro can age ten years, from 14 to 24. Fourteen is 14 and he doesn't want to grow. I think he would want to go younger, at least a year. Non of them are age sliders, they are one age or the other, but never anything between. For us I think it happens when they don't do well for some reason. They go back having less responsibilities in inner life. In a way it gives them more freedom, but it also brings them closer to their traumas.

I know I have some parts who probably front with me, or they front the way when I become them, not co-conscious with them. Their age is hard to ques. I'd say teenager, but can't be sure. I don't feel switch, but I realize I talk with higher pitch and more childish way, I also change to be more introverted, don't want to speak in public etc. That happens when I'm with my mom. There's no memory loss. Can be younger than teen too, or maybe there's more than one. These parts, who all feel "me" and I can't feel switch, co-presence or anything, are very hard to define. There's some thoughts I used to have as younger, but .. yeah. They are hard to define.

We had our first adult part created about 1,5 years ago. Until that we were kids and teens trying to deal with adult responsibilities. That adult one is missing now.
Floralie F main front
Sami M 16 defender
Lucas M 16 self care manager
Fourteen M 14 main trauma holder with DID-system:
- Leon M 4 ANP-little -> in changing process
Ferro M 14/24
Rami M 25 inner caretaker manager, inner protector
Anastasia F 26 inner caretaker, female sexuality
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby IainEtc » Sat Mar 16, 2019 12:27 pm

Hi Johnny-Jack,

Good thread!

Of course we know how to ACT older because that's what we've had to do all our lives pretty much to stay safe. And like people are saying Host NEEDS us to be older and is less frustrated and scared if we act like adults. (OMG! I just realized it's also a link to the abuse because the bad people always wanted us to act older and stop being stupid! That's kind of scary.)

Anyway I'm sorry I;m scrweing this all up. I don't mean to. Don't be mad ok?

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: Alters who seem older than they really are

Postby KawaiiKitty » Sat Mar 16, 2019 12:36 pm

Well, I think age is a very fluid in general - someone can be considered "more mature or indepedent" for their age as an example.
We see this alot with the children - some seem older some seem younger

J
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