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Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

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Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby AutumnJ » Tue Mar 05, 2019 8:52 am

Hi everyone, this is Autumn J here. I hope you don't mind me writing this, but I am worried about Purple Haze. She is finding it very difficult to cope. One of us, can't remember who, had replied to a thread. Saying that we had started a journal. Where Purple Haze wrote in it and we replied. Over the weekend she read through this journal. It triggered her. Monday (yesterday) was a bad day for her. I was out for most of the day. Last night, we had a meeting when she was sleeping, it was decided to tear up the pages of the journal and burn them. In hindsight maybe it was not the best of ideas. Especially when we do not yet have a T. We are in the medical system, we are waiting for an appointment.

This has made her cautious about starting the smash book now, without a T. I am just wondering if any here can help us? If any here have been in a similar situation. I am more than happy to take over for her, as are others. After all that is what we are here for, but not that is not the point.

I hope I am making sense. Today is a busy day. I will check in again later when I can.

Thank you for reading this.

- Autumn J
Purple Haze (Host) / Autumn J (Main Alter) /Joker & Jester (Twin Alters)
**~~~***~~~**
Non-Adults: Radish (3) / Lorcan (5) / Ború (17)

More Alter names will be added if it becomes necessary.
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby VioletFlux » Tue Mar 05, 2019 9:15 am

Hello AutumnJ,

For now I think, just try and go easy on things with her? If she was triggered by something specific that was shared in the journal, maybe leave that topic alone for now. If it was just the fact that you were all communicating with her, that's harder but I think it's good in the long term.

I know when V1 started journalling, she got really upset at first when she started finding entries in the journal from others. It was hard for her to accept, but it had to happen, and she had to get over it.

For what its worth, that all happened about 2 months before we got to see our first T. We just had this forum, and some books and stuff, for guidance.

Good luck.

Arin
Outside Team: Arin (22f); Viola (17f); Violet aka V2 (16f);
Inside Team: Charlie (6m); Claire (0f); Ewan (4m); Janet (4f); L---- (∞f); Melissa (7f);
Mike (35m); Rebecca (∞f); S2 (32f); V1 (22f);
Body: 49f; Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar. - Journey Thread - Our System
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby Floralie » Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:00 pm

We have one rule about the hand written journal, that it's forbidden to remove anything from it by making it impossible to read or tearing pages out of it. I think that's important.

You didn't tell what upset her. If it was just the fact you are true and willing to communicate, she just needs time. You don't need to remove anything, she can leave the journal be and not look at it as long as she doesn't want to. Now she doesn't have the option to go back and read it again after settling down. For some reason the communication is a lot to many hosts in the beginning, it makes things more real. But then it's time to remember that nothing else has changed but their own awareness. It will be easier after getting used to it. That's part of the process to go thru all the negative stuff that comes with having severe disorder. It's more than normal to feel bad because of it. You need to do that before accepting it.

It's important to remember that people should have ALL the emotions. We are not supposed to be happy all the time. It makes us not aware of danger and lacking boundaries, if we can't get angry or suspicious or feel sad. They all are totally normal healthy feelings, nothing to avoid. Hosts aren't that good dealing with emotions that feel bad, because they push them to someone else. That's not right way to continue with your life. The goal is to not be afraid of being scared or sad or angry. Those emotions can come, and nothing bad happens because they are there. And then they will pass. You guys are there to make things easy for her, that's part of your job. Still host feeling bad is nothing you need to fix. That is one phase they need to go thru in order to accept the way things are.

If she was upset because of something traumatic, she can avoid it as long as she needs to. Don't force it to her, she will come and ask when she'll be ready. She probably needs T and a lot of strength she yet doesn't have to face it. She will have that strength when she learns to cope wit bad feelings about things that aren't traumatic.

You should never push anyone or force, because you can't know where their breaking point is. But you can tell them they are not alone, that nothing bad is happening, they can survive from feelings and they are safe, feelings will come and go and it's all part of being more whole. She can tell you what helps her. Some people wanna deal with their stuff alone and some want support. Some cope better when talking about things, having words to describe something makes your mind process it differently, some want to express it non verbally, like by drawing etc. What ever the way of dealing with it is, the point is to DEAL with it and let it come out, not concentrate on something else and push the feeling back in where it can be suffocated. There's a big difference between those two.
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Mar 05, 2019 4:13 pm

Floralie wrote:The goal is to not be afraid of being scared or sad or angry. Those emotions can come, and nothing bad happens because they are there. And then they will pass....

...you can tell them they are not alone, that nothing bad is happening, they can survive from feelings and they are safe, feelings will come and go and it's all part of being more whole.


This. Not to be afraid of ANY feelings (because we're as afraid of feeling "good" feelings as we are of "bad.").

And what my T says--that he may not be able to change things in my life, but at least I can know that I'm not alone. (I think just us telling ourselves that we're not alone because we have each other isn't enough--that's why it's so helpful to have a T.)
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby AutumnJ » Tue Mar 05, 2019 4:46 pm

Thank you all for your replies. I am just going to reply in general, apologies for not quoting anyone.

We are not forcing anything upon Purple Haze, she is resting inside. I think, as far as I am aware she is digesting things. Trying to understand what is happening to her. She is very logical, that is what I mean by digesting things. She is trying to understand in a manner that makes sense to her. We are letting her come back at her own pace. We are letting her take things at her own pace.

What upset her was the content of the writings in the journal. That in itself was what triggered her. She has no problem with us communicating with her, in fact when she is the outside front, she often talks to us, those of us who are inside. She had no problem writing in the journal, or in fact us replying to her in the journal. Maybe we will try the journal again, when she is ready. Or we might wait until we have a T., but that is something for a later date.

Purple Haze is being reassured that she is not alone, that she is safe. As I have said she is inside, she has at least one Protector with her. As far as I am aware anyway. She is also being reassured that there is nothing wrong with what she was feeling. We told her that she won't be forced to revisit those memories, or what was written until she is ready. As one of the others said, "it is in a box, lid closed and put up high. Out of the way, until you are ready to take it down and unpack it." This analogy calmed her a lot.

This just, I think, highlights how much she needs a T. All we can do while we wait, is to be there for her. Support her as much as we can.

Thank you all, again for your kind replies.

- Autumn J
Purple Haze (Host) / Autumn J (Main Alter) /Joker & Jester (Twin Alters)
**~~~***~~~**
Non-Adults: Radish (3) / Lorcan (5) / Ború (17)

More Alter names will be added if it becomes necessary.
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby AutumnJ » Thu Mar 07, 2019 1:42 pm

Purple Haze here, I thought I would share a little on this from my point of view. Firstly, though as Autumn J said I would like to thank those who have replied. You all have given me a lot to think about, a lot to consider.

VioletFlux wrote:[...]
For what its worth, that all happened about 2 months before we got to see our first T. We just had this forum, and some books and stuff, for guidance.

Good luck.

Arin


Any books you can recommend Arin?

I am doing better, some days are better than others. I think this just shows how much I do need to speak to a T. I am just find it a bit difficult to process everything, some days I am fine, others are like Nope, not happening. On those days Autumn J or another takes other. I am getting there, just taking one day at a time.

- Purple Haze
Purple Haze (Host) / Autumn J (Main Alter) /Joker & Jester (Twin Alters)
**~~~***~~~**
Non-Adults: Radish (3) / Lorcan (5) / Ború (17)

More Alter names will be added if it becomes necessary.
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby VioletFlux » Thu Mar 07, 2019 1:48 pm

AutumnJ wrote:Any books you can recommend Arin?


Hey Purple Haze,

We had a thread a while back with book reviews and info and stuff. Arin wasn't around back then. Neither was I actualy, lol. But V1 and V2 wrote up their reviews, and some other folks chimed in on it as well.

dissociative-identity/topic203830.html

Viola
Outside Team: Arin (22f); Viola (17f); Violet aka V2 (16f);
Inside Team: Charlie (6m); Claire (0f); Ewan (4m); Janet (4f); L---- (∞f); Melissa (7f);
Mike (35m); Rebecca (∞f); S2 (32f); V1 (22f);
Body: 49f; Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar. - Journey Thread - Our System
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby AutumnJ » Thu Mar 07, 2019 1:50 pm

Hi Viola and thank you.

I will take a look at it.

- Purple Haze
Purple Haze (Host) / Autumn J (Main Alter) /Joker & Jester (Twin Alters)
**~~~***~~~**
Non-Adults: Radish (3) / Lorcan (5) / Ború (17)

More Alter names will be added if it becomes necessary.
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby IainEtc » Fri Mar 08, 2019 9:30 am

Hi AutumnJ,

You're really great at taking care of things. It's always tough to clean up after a host gets triggered. We have this red ribbon that we tie around the com journal that's like a trigger warning for Host. We don't tear anything out - just warn him. Sometimes he'll take it to our T and read it there or at least wait until he feels strong. We're all trying to make it together.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: Worried about our Host (TW: Emotions)

Postby AutumnJ » Fri Mar 08, 2019 2:07 pm

Hello Iain.

Thank you for your reply, that is a good idea, this was the first pages that were written in the journal. Purple Haze has been thinking of starting a new journal. Thinking of giving it another go, I think this idea of using a red ribbon will be used. If not that at least for inspiration. Purple Haze has always liked things that are colour coded. I will put the idea to her that we could use colours in the journal, either in the colour that is used, or maybe coloured tabs. That, I will leave up to her.

Though, in saying this, she is debating about starting another journal or not. We will not force her into this, or push her. When she decides to start another journal, myself and others will be there for her.

Also thank you for your kind words *smiles*

This is for Arin/Viola, thank you for your suggestion regarding books. Unfortunately, when she went to look at that thread it was triggering for her. I think it might be wise to leave the books for a while. Though it is something that will be looked into.

- Autumn J
Purple Haze (Host) / Autumn J (Main Alter) /Joker & Jester (Twin Alters)
**~~~***~~~**
Non-Adults: Radish (3) / Lorcan (5) / Ború (17)

More Alter names will be added if it becomes necessary.
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