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Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

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Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Feb 17, 2019 7:10 am

Hopefully it is alright if I make this thread..... for my other personalities (insiders). Some of them worry about posing on "my" Journey thread.....even though I told them it's ours....not just mine. They feel like they are intruding. They wanted me to make a separate place for them.

I believe I saw other threads like this (at least I thought I did....I just can't seem to find them now)....I'm not sure why.....maybe I'm mistaken.

The main reason I'm making this thread.....is because several of them want help. Ones that were hesitant to come around at first... are coming forward.......as well as ones who didn't want to post on here (at first). I just wanted to give them their own space to write. Hopefully that is alright. If not....I'm sorry.

Since it's for them.....that's all I'm going to write.....unless of course they want me to write back. I normally talk to them in the inner world though.....if they want to talk.
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Feb 18, 2019 1:39 am

Hey- thanks for making this thread for us! I'm here with Rage right now. She's co-conscious with me. I know you two don't get along yet- that's why I'm here too. She wanted to post so I'm going to allow it- under my supervision. Just to be on the safe side- due to how Rage is- please read with caution. She tends to say how she feels- it might be triggering to some.

* Trigger warning


Pfft! Like I need supervising! First off, I'm not easy to get along with. My name pretty much says it all. I hate our host. I'm angry all of the time. I can't help it. I hate that. I have no clue what to do. Actually I feel like why even bother typing this. No one cares. No one! That's how I feel. That's how I always felt. Our host claims she cares about me. She lies. She claims she has no idea what I'm talking about. LIAR! How can our host not know? How can she not know the pain I feel? How can she not know what I'm talking about? She knows. She just hates me. I don't understand why Logan stopped being mean to her. I don't understand why anyone would. I want nothing to do with her. NOTHING! Why would ANYONE!? I HATE that! She doesn't deserve that. She deserves to be miserable. Definitely NOT happy like she is the last few days. It's REPULSIVE! I was going to give her a chance. I was going to try having a "pleasant" conversation with her. THAT'S A JOKE! She ruined that as soon as she lied to me. She claims she doesn't know. That's (Woah- I'm going to censor Rage there (due to the words she used). Our host doesn't want any of us using that kind of language in the outer world. She's alright with how we talk in the inner world- but we have an agreement in the outer world.) Whatever Weirdo! I'm done talking anyway.
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Mon Feb 18, 2019 2:09 am

Hi Rage,
The purpose of splitting off into several souls is because the host not shall remember anything, so it seems like that has worked like it was intended by the brain ;)
You are separate from eachother, not as separate as if there were several bodies, but still separated enough for each one of you to carry your own pain and your own memories and having your own toughts and feelings without affecting the others. So the host isnt more aware of your pain and anger then you are aware of the happiness of those who are happy, its the same for everyone ;)
And, it may feel like you were made to always be angry and nothing will change, but it will change.. i have seen it before how angry ones change and finds peace, so dont worry about that either, it will come by itself ;)
Helper for a couple of DID-ers. Admin for a traumaforum for scandinavian languages , http://traumeverden.net/
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby GKOKD » Mon Feb 18, 2019 2:19 am

Rage,

You remind me of a part of me named Seven. He's an adult, not seven years old, so I don't know why he has that name. He just does. He hates me. He hates the body. And he especially hates some certain other younger parts. He seems to be always working to hurt us and hurt the body. He works to try to keep anyone from wanting to get too close to us, because he says we are repulsive and disgusting and don't deserve understanding or kindness. Maybe you can help me to know what I need to do for him not to hate me and especially the body. I feel like I've spent our whole life trying to figure out what I need to fix.

I'm hoping you find some peace.

KK
KK - 46 yr. old mother of two adopted children
2T - Two year old girl. nonverbal
"Little K" - very young girl
Christian (The Rule Maker) - protecter/abuser
Seven - Adult male
Major Depression, ED NOS, Anx Disorder, DID, PTSD
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Feb 18, 2019 2:29 am

I see what you are saying TeddyBear the helper, but it is very hard for me to believe. I thought our host was lying. Maybe I was a bit harsh? I just can't help it. I hate the way I am. It doesn't seem right. Why do I have to be this way? What did I ever do to deserve this? Thanks for taking the time to reply. I sure hope you're right about things improving for me. I hate how I am. I'll admit. I'm so miserable, I shove everyone away. Just the slightest thing irks me. Especially our host's claim. You have a point based on what you said. Maybe she really doesn't know? In that case, she was telling the truth. If so, that means I was wrong. I hate to admit that. I can't do that. I feel she'll laugh at me. She'll say "I told you so." Weirdo just said that's not true. Well that's how I feel. I trust no one.
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Ponyta
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Feb 18, 2019 2:55 am

I just sent you a PM, KK. I'm not sure how much help I'll be, but I hate the idea of anyone feeling as bad as I do. I wouldn't wish my pain on anyone.
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Mon Feb 18, 2019 11:54 am

Hi Rage,

You believed you were right when you thought your host was lying so you acted in good faith , it can be wrong sometimes when we dont know everything , but you didnt do it to be mean ;)
Noone knows everything so noone can do everything right everytime, there will always be some mistakes like this, but with the help of compassion and forgiveness, then small mistakes doesnt matter either ;)
And i too know that your host will forgive you, she is very nice and has been thru things like this with the others before too ;)

Yes you will change , its just natural to do that ;) you are now very much run by the pain in you and you are acting on the memories you have been created to deal with. It will get better with the rage when you can find a way to release some of the pain, and it will get better with the negative thinking too when you get more positive lifeexperiences ;)
Helper for a couple of DID-ers. Admin for a traumaforum for scandinavian languages , http://traumeverden.net/
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Feb 19, 2019 1:33 am

Your words make me feel somewhat better, TeddyBear the helper. Thanks for that!
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:23 pm

I don't tend to mince my words- so this probably needs a trigger warning.


*TRIGGER WARNING

I can't believe I am writing.I despise even the idea of doing so. I hate the knowledge of our host writing- plus others in our system writing. Our T makes me mad. Writing makes me mad. Talking makes me mad! I feel it will only hurt our host- ALL of us in the end. It's not helping. In fact it must stop. Weirdo and the other protectors tell me I'm wrong. Why can't they see!? Why do they think anything will be different? No one ever helped us before! In fact- they made us worse! Put us on medicine that made us incredibly sick. Put us in the hospital! NO! They don't help! Talking can't be trusted- writing even more so.

I hate being told our host created us. We're equal to her. We all have just as much right to the body as her. It offends me! It makes me feel more worthless than I am. I don't know why I allowed Weirdo to hold me back. I should've told our T. I always speak how I feel- so why I didn't is unlike me. I mustn't weaken my defenses. I refuse to talk. I saw far more hurt than all the others. I know how cruel this world is. I hate dealing with this world. I rather stay in our inner world. Why I keep getting pulled out is beyond me. I'M NOT THE MAIN ONE! Why not one of the others? I hate the protector role- but it is my place. It seems I'm the only strong one here. None of the other protectors see what I see. They are weak. No offense Weirdo & Wolverine- you're great friends. It's just I see writing as a weakness. YES I know I'm clearly writing now- but it's only to get my point across. I HATE writing. I'm done now.

*SHADOW


I was going to delete this- but I'm just going to let it stand.


Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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Re: Ponyta: Thread for my other Personalities (Insiders)

Postby Sarandipity » Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:50 pm

Hi Shadow,

I agree that seeking help and talking and writing can be very dangerous. I'm not in therapy anymore. But i am still working on myself and I feel like I'm at a very sticky point where I could make myself worse. Retrieving memories, admitting I have jealous feelings - it still feels very dangerous even though no one else, therapists or any one medical is involved.

So as much as I agree with you I think you're better with the therapist as a support although I completely get where you're coming from. P
[/coloru]Sarandipity
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