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Hi. Advice maybe?

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Hi. Advice maybe?

Postby ShiLuv » Sat Feb 09, 2019 8:55 pm

Hi, it is my first time posting. I could use some advice...I guess. There are four of us, and our whole system is in chaos at the moment…
Well, I guess I should introduce myself. I am Shi (pronounced shy), I’m 22. Our host is Stephanie (I call her Steph, and she is the main front) she is 36, then there is Trinity who is like 17 and Nyx who is ageless (she is darkness born of chaos is all I can get from her). I seem to be the only one who is fully aware of everything that happens around us, everyone else only knows what happens when they are fronting… Unfortunately, Steph tries to block the rest of us out like we are not here. Nyx is able to get through the barriers that Steph puts up (she influences her moods and actions…not in a good way).
Anyway, I am able to front more often now, because Steph is super stressed and tired with everything going on in life and college. We have encountered a problem… Steph, Trinity and myself all like different guys. Trinity is still in love with our ex who treated us very badly but is trying to change and get her back (We are still legally married to him…) Steph loves a guy who placed us on a pedestal that we are bound to fall from. He says she is his everything and treats her like she hung the moon and stars. Talk about pressure… However, he has betrayed her trust in several areas that I won’t get into here at the moment, and has no motivation to make himself better. He is a bit of a loser in my honest opinion. He has no motivation to get a dependable job so he can take care of himself and his kids. He is set to be homeless after his kids go home on Sunday (this will be the third place he’s been kicked out of in the 5 months we have known him…) Anyway, enough about him… I have fallen for a guy, but it’s complicated because he is the friend of the guy Steph likes and I don’t get to front as much as I would like. I don’t fall for people…I just put up with the douchebags that the other 2 decide they like… this is new territory for me. We hang out with him and Steph’s guy and it is amazing. But all I can do it watch from the inside and I can’t get him out of my head. The one time I was me when we were hanging out I did my best to just play myself off as Steph. (They just assumed she had a bad day, which she did and that is why I was there instead of her).
Therapy is not an option right now because of finances, and when we were younger it did not go so well. Anyway…I don’t know what to do. Steph stresses out when she loses time…and I can only get impressions to her, not an actual dialog unless I leave notes on her computer or in her school notebook… She wants so desperately to be normal that she blocks us out… she is super freaked because my dreams keep bleeding over into her sleep about her guy’s friend. I better go. Things to do. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
ShiLuv
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Re: Hi. Advice maybe?

Postby VioletFlux » Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:44 am

Hello Shi,

I don't have any advice for you at the moment, no experience with relationship stuff. But I wanted to say, welcome to the forum.

It's a good group here and I'm sure the more experienced people will have some good advice for you.

Arin
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Re: Hi. Advice maybe?

Postby myce » Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:30 am

Hi. The parts of me have been attracted to damaged men. It was a bad relationship that made me aware. The dysfunction in the relationships represent early life lessons about love that went wrong. It's like trying to go back home where love and pain are all mixed up. Hosting/avoiding parts are giving and forgiving, but this is not necessarily good if they're incapable of defense. They're made to bury their feelings so that's what they do. Their awareness is narrowed or dulled. Maybe the guy you like is great, but you might also have some blind spots. It's okay if you're attracted, but someone could get hurt if you act on it. I think it is better to focus on introspection (why your new interest?) or internal communication.
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Re: Hi. Advice maybe?

Postby everyone23 » Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:44 pm

Welcome ShiLuv. I don't have advice about relationships...any I have left are hanging by a thread so...there's that. But, welcome to the forum! I know there are wonderful helpful people here who will have wisdom to share.
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Re: Hi. Advice maybe?

Postby IainEtc » Tue Feb 12, 2019 7:25 pm

Hi,

I don't do relationships (I'm only 14) but I can see you guys need more communication. That makes things a WHOLE lot easier. If Steph isn't communicating with you then she has to keep really tight control. Our Host did that - really tight control - get exhausted - recover - really tight control - get exhausted... (repeat repeat repeat). It's a mess. Once we had communication Host could trust us and let us handle things sometimes. At least that's how it works for us.

Good luck,

Iain
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which one do they mean?
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