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Son Has DID

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Son Has DID

Postby LearnToLoveTheRide » Wed Jan 30, 2019 1:14 pm

Good Day.

My ex-partner has DID. I went to the ends of the earth trying to help her but eventually had to leave with the children. :(

Unfortunately, my son (9) is displaying all the signs of DID. He was the child most exposed emotionally to my partner's difficulties.

I know how difficult it is to get any real help for DID, so I'm turning to this forum; a forum of wise, good people. Who has helped their DID children?

Thank you kindly... LTLTR
c-PTSD: 48 y/o Male, Singleton to (ex) partner with DID - multiple Alters
Father to 3 beautiful children, 1 of whom is displaying signs of early DID.
Caution: https://learningtolovetheridebook.wordpress.com blog may be TW
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby birdsong87 » Wed Jan 30, 2019 2:18 pm

damn. we are sorry.
here are the ISSTD guidelines for the treatment of children and adolescents.http://www.isst-d.org/downloads/childguidelines-ISSTD-2003.pdf
in the part about treatment itself there are good hints on what you could do to support your kid
sending love and support



for the sake of having it written down here...
stabilization like we would do it for cPTSD:
it means creating safety first. no more extraordinary stress. a normal life. boundaries with harmful people.
then establishing routine. a boring life that is predictable and stable.
next comes engaging with normal people/peers and normal activities. playing soccer. joining the swimming team. regaining a sense of enjoyment of life.

then there is the whole subject of self-regulation to tackle. it takes love, a firm hand, understanding and patience. and maybe a specialized T. with improved reflection and self-regulation skills there are good chances for an integration that happens kind of naturally.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby Una+ » Wed Jan 30, 2019 3:49 pm

I am sorry but not surprised. Know that the prognosis for diagnosed children is excellent. Treatment often is not long, gains tend to be rapid and lasting, and spontaneous fusions to full integration are likely.

Your son is especially fortunate that you are already very aware of and well informed about DID, and you have already taken the single most important step of limiting his contact with his unfortunately very dysfunctional mother.

Last we heard from you, you were starting a long truck camping expedition with the children. How did that go and what is your situation now?
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

Is your dx DID (or MPD/DDNOS/OSDD)? Join the 2017 survey: Time to diagnosis?
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Jan 30, 2019 4:00 pm

LearnToLoveTheRide wrote:Good Day.

My ex-partner has DID. I went to the ends of the earth trying to help her but eventually had to leave with the children. :(

Unfortunately, my son (9) is displaying all the signs of DID. He was the child most exposed emotionally to my partner's difficulties.

I know how difficult it is to get any real help for DID, so I'm turning to this forum; a forum of wise, good people. Who has helped their DID children?

Thank you kindly... LTLTR


So glad to see you back, although we're sorry for the difficulties that you're having with your son.

We don't have outside kids, but we're hear to listen and support you in any way that we can.

MDs
Multiple. Self-dxed 1996. Body 57f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Frequent: Charity (25), Mary (23), Laura (17.5), Allegra (17), Cass (17)
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby LearnToLoveTheRide » Wed Jan 30, 2019 6:28 pm

Hi good people.

@birdsong: Thanks for the information. There's so much to deal with at the moment, that I struggle to keep one thought in front of the other. I struggle with cPTSD myself, for obvious reasons.

Say 'Hi' to the family for me and thank Maya for the nice welcome.

@Una+: Getting out was very difficult. There was always one crisis after another... and sabotaging my plans. I didn't get the 4x4 truck on the road but we did take a nice long, slow road trip, just meandering up the coast. We ended up in a small, quiet seaside village, where we settled. It's safe for the kids. I've personally been struggling with the fallout from the relationship though.

@MD: Thank you. I appreciate that tremendously

Be well, wonderful people. LTLTR
c-PTSD: 48 y/o Male, Singleton to (ex) partner with DID - multiple Alters
Father to 3 beautiful children, 1 of whom is displaying signs of early DID.
Caution: https://learningtolovetheridebook.wordpress.com blog may be TW
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby Una+ » Wed Jan 30, 2019 10:38 pm

So, new place, new people. Time to make a priority of reaching out to others and making new friends. Look for children and adults who are safe. Look for so-called "good enough" parents. Talk to everyone you can, ask questions, listen carefully, and don't get too involved with anyone until you have known them for a while.

Some of the safe adults in my children's lives have been school counselors, school nurses, and some of their teachers. And we have also paid attention to spotting adults connected with school who are not safe, and taking effective action.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

Is your dx DID (or MPD/DDNOS/OSDD)? Join the 2017 survey: Time to diagnosis?
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby IainEtc » Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:33 pm

Rough to have to choose between your wife and your kids. Sorry. Hope the kids are doing ok.

I agree with Una+ - it's all about safety. For a long time that's going to be the deal. No matter how good it is now your kid is probably waiting for it to turn to sh*t again. Learning to trust is hard - I'm not much good at it.

He'll get there though. He has you as a dad. That's a serious plus.

Good luck,

Colin

If your son has DID that doesn't mean he'll be miserable or bad or anything. We all have DID and lots of us are doing pretty good. I mean we're not serial killers or anything. It's just kind of hard.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby BeccaBee » Thu Jan 31, 2019 12:33 am

i think the hardest thing might be learning to feel feelings instead of dissociating to escape them. at least that's what I see in my daughter anyway. she feels a very intense emotion and then goes to space out. I'm trying to teach her that it's okay to just feel your feelings and ride them like a wave. that they don't last forever. that she is strong enough to experience intense emotions. it's helping.

my heart goes out to you with this news but I truly believe there is plenty of hope. he is young enough for intervention to be effective.

take heart, walk in courage. you have a strong spirit.
Female, 37
Dx: DID, C-PTSD, Panic Disorder


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Re: Son Has DID

Postby LearnToLoveTheRide » Sat Feb 02, 2019 8:14 am

Good Morning All

@Colin: Yes, he's waiting for it to turn bad again. In fact every time I have to gently discipline him, he thinks everything is over again, and it's all his fault. :(

@Iain: You're all fine people indeed.
Thank you both for your replies.

@BeccaBee: How are all the bees?
My son feels an intense emotion and then he switches. He only has 3 distinct behavioural sets that I can see: Host, young child, and an older much more difficult personality. He does not recall what the older one does.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and en(courage)ment. LTLTR
c-PTSD: 48 y/o Male, Singleton to (ex) partner with DID - multiple Alters
Father to 3 beautiful children, 1 of whom is displaying signs of early DID.
Caution: https://learningtolovetheridebook.wordpress.com blog may be TW
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Re: Son Has DID

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sat Feb 02, 2019 5:03 pm

You've probably realized that most of this has to come from you instinctively, especially in the moment. My situation is different but my son has DID also. I took him in in his late teens, knowing we both had DID, then later adopted him.

I got a lot of advice about making sure that he got a job and got out of the house, including from therapists. I chose against that early on based of my intuition that he needed stability, a routine that was safe and almost boring in its predictability, similar to what birdsong suggested.

He needed his new home and situation to be a certainty that wasn't dependent on anything he did or didn't do. Yet I couldn't use the word "forever" or similar because that's a trigger for him. He's worked since but that's not applicable for your son.

I worked hardest to establish trust with his most frightened littles and his most troublesome adults, the ones who fought back against any hint of authority or control. It took a long time for the latter to admit to themselves that they needed and wanted reasonable adult guidance even as they chafed at it. And that was before they could acknowledge that to me.

I've learned to appeal to their self-interest over stressing the effects on me. It wasn't just that I was upset by their behavior, I was concerned their behavior, if continued, would alienate future friends. Unless there was change, people they would start hanging out with would eventually avoid them due to bad behavior -- and they mostly wouldn't explain, they'd just leave. I want them to have a life filled with good friends, with people who love them like I do.

A therapist with some experience can serve as a more neutral aid. Don't be surprised if some of him may blame you for not protecting or rescuing him. A proactive apology, more than once, should help but my guess is you've already done that.
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