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T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

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T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby Skaya » Tue Jan 08, 2019 7:23 pm

Hiya,

Sorry, second thread in a short space of time, but I don't know what to do.

My T is a trained therapist for BPD. He's known about dissociation on my part, but the alters are new territory for him, and I don't think he believes me.

For background: I knew at 16/17 that I had alters, I was managing it. My therapist at the time agreed and told my primary psych, who told my mother, who utterly invalidated it and basically scared me away from trying to accept or acknowledge it. I suppress any suggestions of alters for several years until reasonably recently, when they re-emerged. I genuinely think therapy so far has been what's put me in the position I'm in (able to accept and acknowledge DID) but his response to this has been... affirming but guarded.

Today clinched it. In 1-1 therapy (I also have group) he referred to my partner as 'colluding' in the DID - which is a seriously loaded word, and one that's got me really upset. I am really unhappy with the connotations of that. He knows I am seriously freaked about being invalidated (again) but this has just destroyed my trust in him, because my partner is the only person who knows, besides him, and is 100% supportive and actually very good with managing things.

I don't know what to do. This is the only treatment course currently available to me, I can't afford anything else. I can't just find a new therapist, but nor do I now feel like I can really place faith in my current one.

Am I overreacting? Any advice would be massively welcome. Thank you x
Em (25, f, host), Jen (19, f) Echo (4), Angel (9), Vivian (36, f), Jacob (13,m). SO Lex (f) may be mentioned.
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby VioletFlux » Tue Jan 08, 2019 7:36 pm

Sorry you have to deal with that.

Since you can't fire him and find a better T, the only thing I can think is next time you're in a 1 on 1 with him, straight-up tell him you're not happy about the situation with him. Maybe even print out your post here and bring it.

If he refuses to provide the support you need, or is incapable of it, then I dunno. Depending on your situation can you go over his head and complain? See if you can get a different T that way?

Or if not, then I dunno. For us, we wouldn't see a T like that. We'd do without if we had to. Someone said recently in another thread, a bad T is worse than no T and I believe it.

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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby littleDaria » Tue Jan 08, 2019 7:48 pm

We don't feel you're overreacting. To have been invalidated like that hurts. We agree that perhaps it is a good idea to approach this issue directly with your therapist.
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby SOHank » Tue Jan 08, 2019 8:35 pm

That’s sucks… Unfortunately all too common though. :( In my short time here, doubting T’s seem to be a frequent complaint, so you are not alone. Some read up and learn about DID, others don’t. I was doubting to before I had my “education”.

My thoughts are if it really your only option, express your concerns to him and see if he changes. If he doesn’t, V2 makes a good point.

As for “collusion” with your partner, I know in the case of my wife, no one is that good at acting that long and that consistently and there is nothing to be gained from acting, so logically the argument doesn’t hold water.
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby Una+ » Wed Jan 09, 2019 1:51 am

Before you push the eject button under this T's seat, here are a couple of thoughts.

DID clients are famous for being powerful projectors, meaning sometimes what comes out of the T's mouth is actually your own deepest fear, transmitted to them. So this could be a good sign that you have a receptive T who received your projection loud and clear but rather than examine it he just verbalized it. That happens. You could try discussing this with the T.

Anyone can say things they regret, change their minds, etc. So it often pays to stay calm a little while. Again, discuss this with your T. Ask for clarification. "What did you mean when you said ___? I thought you meant ___; is that where you are coming from?"

Finally, does the T need to believe you, to help you? What does believing you look like, how would it change what happens in therapy?

I hope my comments don't come across as invalidating! This is a really common situation, and often a much more complicated situation than it seems on first glance. Good luck!
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby KawaiiKitty » Wed Jan 09, 2019 6:48 am

That sucks, if you can't try someone else I would bring it up with him and explain how you feel
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed Jan 09, 2019 7:10 am

Una+ wrote:Anyone can say things they regret, change their minds, etc. So it often pays to stay calm a little while.


This is such great basic advice. Everything is so amplified in therapy and the T's words can seem like pronouncements from the mount, immediately engraved on tablets forevermore. :D

But a good T should be open to looking at the effect of what they said and to talking with you about what they meant, and what you thought they meant, like Una+ said.

Good luck--it's hard to stand up for one's feelings and perceptions.
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby Everybodies » Thu Jan 10, 2019 5:28 am

You are not overreacting. Tell the T how you feel.
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby Johnny-Jack » Thu Jan 10, 2019 4:02 pm

It sounds like you have the strength and outside support (your partner) to have frank discussions with your current T, to question the comment you heard. What happened could be anywhere from a misunderstanding to a correct perception of invalidation.

Have you considered asking your partner to visit a therapy session or part of one with you? That may not be your first move but it should be an option.

One question you may want to get out of the way is whether your T believes that DID is a valid diagnosis. You may already know the answer but there are still some Ts, especially if older, who harbor doubts about it as a diagnosis or who consider it rare, which it's not.

Is it possible that because your T is trained to treat BPD he has a predilection to see that diagnosis first? Alters may well be new territory for your T but that shouldn't cause you to be treated for a condition other than what you have.

We wish you the very best in your current struggle.
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Re: T Doesn't Believe Me (I think)

Postby IainEtc » Sat Jan 12, 2019 11:03 am

Hi,

We agree with Johnny-Jack. It's really important to know if your T even believes in DID. If they don't that's kind of a problem. You got to know stuff like that.

Iain

I just want to say I get p*ssed that people can reject DID just because they don't 'believe' it - and nobody says they're totally WRONG! This is NOT the f-ing Middle Ages peoplel!

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