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What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

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What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

Postby Sarandipity » Sun Jan 06, 2019 5:54 pm

It's very unlikely that I will get everyone to agree to ever go to therapy because they don't like the idea of integration. I've had loads of therapy for all different things but the furthest I ever got was when I discussed practical life issues and how to resolve them. Past that there's been nothing directed at DID. If I did go back to any kind of therapy it'd be for the aim of integration so it's unlikely.

So I wanted to know, before I go ahead and start reading books about DID is it a good/bad/ok/doesn't matter either way to read books about DID before tackling it in therapy?

If it interferes with therapeutic process to read stuff then I won't just incase we do want to tackle this in therapy for integration purposes. If it doesn't interfere with therapy then I'll read some books.

I guess it could be a very individual thing but I wanted to ask here to help make this decision. Thanks in advance.
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Re: What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

Postby VioletFlux » Sun Jan 06, 2019 6:02 pm

I have like, very little experience and stuff about all this, but my opinion is, a good book or three can be more helpful than a bad therapist. But no amount of good books will be as good as working with a good T.

Several months ago when we were questioning whether or not to stick with our first T, we asked if we could just work on healing and stuff on our own, with books, and online resources like this forum. The consensus I think we got from that was, books can help, and you can make a lot of progress on your own like that, but aspects of DID are due to attachment issues, which comes from relationship problems. And you can't heal relationship stuff by yourself. You need new better relationships.

As to whether it could hurt or whatever, I think that's gonna depend on the system, the individuals in it, and the quality of the books.

FWIW we've read quite a few books on DID, mostly at the start of 2018. We found some helpful, some not helpful. We found what worked best for us was to pick and choose what stuff we liked and ignore the stuff we didn't. Try not to let the stuff you don't like, get to you or bother you.

Good luck.

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Re: What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

Postby birdsong87 » Sun Jan 06, 2019 6:19 pm

it's an increcibly tough all or nothing approach you are expressing there. there is middle ground. a LOT of it.
think of integration as a spectrum. one side is dissociation, the other end is integration. you decide which way you go, more dissociated or more integrated. it doesn't have to be an absolute goal.

the most important thing about therapy is to get a properly trained T you can work with.
no therapy is always better than bad therapy.
reading can help you to recognize bad therapy.
I wish we had read more when we started 10 years ago.
that said, reading alone will not replace the work you have to do, the interactions and the steps.
We are reading a lot. More about trauma therapy than about DID. we don't find much value in personal stories. It has not interfered with therapy, it just makes us a patient who needs an extra specialized T to put up with us.
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Re: What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

Postby Floralie » Sun Jan 06, 2019 6:48 pm

Integration, if you mean it like you all would melt and form just one identity, doesn't happen just like that. I had a goal to integrate when I started therapy, but T said as her first thing to that, that is not gonna be possible in 3 years I can spend with her. It will take at least 8 years, but more commonly decades. It is not a risk to be scared of to happen without your own will.

What Ts mean when they talk about integration is what we in here usually call co-operation. Everyone would be aware of everyone, there would be no time missing, you could make decisions together, your life would be controlled. This huge fear of unwilling forced integration among people who are just starting therapy is somehow almost funny. It's funny the same way denial can sound funny, when someone who is clearly having all DID-symptoms and possibly has a dx and everything, suddenly feels they are maybe just making it all up and pretending. I mean it is not funny as I would make fun of anyone, I have those same symptoms. It's just so common symptom without any base in reality, it does seem a bit humorous when it pops up to your face over and over again.

You can agree with a T having a goal of controlled co-operation, and getting traumas fixed. When you reach that point, you can decide what to do next. It's not anything you need to think when starting a therapy. It's VERY advanced level, and you are at your starting point. Even if you all and your T would be heading towards total integration, it still may not happen ever fully. On the other hand, if some parts DO integrate after their work of holding trauma is done, doesn't they deserve it? The rest of you still have nothing to worry about. The ultimate integration would be constant co-consciousness of all parts.

Also the way I look at the integration now is that I have these teen boys who are living their lives in the inner world. I have no right to take anything away from them, and I don't have that kind of power even if I would be that mean. It is very clear to them, and therefor for me too, that they are not willing to let go their lives and their bodies inside, and change it to what we have outside. You could easily think that means there is no will in our system to integrate. But let's put it the way it would be, if we would be ready to integrate: then they would be at the point when they are ready to accept this out body and life and feel it is theirs, and be happy about it. Why would I resist that? I don't. I don't resist integration. I resist pushing anyone to a situation they are not ready to face. That is why I will fight if someone suggest they SHOULD accept my life as theirs and that is why we got so triggered when we were told Fourteen should just accept my body as his, because that is the only true reality. No it isn't. He doesn't need to anything. Non of them don't. They do, if they will be ready, if that will be where they grow to. As our T said, it is unlikely. But I have no reason to resist them from growing to that direction, if that is what happens. That is their decision, their life, and their feelings. If they start feeling differently over time, then they will. If not, we will stay as who we are.

Personally I feel reading helps me, or actually I know it for a fact. I need to understand the theories behind what is happening, that is my way of dealing with things. T doesn't stop me from reading, but we don't talk about theories. It is easier for us to talk about certain things, when we talk the DID language and both of us understand it. In a way we are in the same level with it. But the work needs to be done with our feelings, they are damaged, our intellectual abilities are not.

I ques it depends on how are you like, there is no right or wrong way of doing therapy or research. Reading helped me to the point where I created an adult identity, who took us to therapy and is ready to now help all the teens and littles in the system and ready to get them cured and out of their responsibilities that should be handled by adults. I did that before therapy. If we would have done that in therapy, that would have shorten the time we have for doing the actual helping work. Now we could start straightly from there. So reading helps me. I don't know how it affects to someone else.
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Re: What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

Postby Jolly jo » Sun Jan 06, 2019 9:56 pm

Regarding integration - I believe it used to be a goal of therapy but as the previous poster said, its usually now to create cooperation and a life that can be lived. My T has never talked about it and I didn't even know it was a thing until I came to this forum. When I asked her about it, she said that in her experience, integration either happens or it doesn't. She doesn't work towards it with her patients.
As for reading, when I was at the start of this process, for about 4 or 5 years, I tried to find something to read that would help. However, I didn't really and there is a lot of rubbish out there. I also kept coming across all the stuff about DID not being real and the created memory brigade. It put me back and fed into my wish for all this to be something created by my T. I would have done better not to have bothered at that point.
Now about 14 years in, I am trying to find something to read that resinates. I don't find reading about other people very helpful. DID seems to be very individual and I am tring to find myself in what i read and its often not there. My T is looking for other things for me but nothing much on offer it seems, given my remit.
Nothing replaces good therapy so perhaps thats where your energies should go.
Diagnosed DID with a few other states.
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Re: What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

Postby KawaiiKitty » Mon Jan 07, 2019 12:04 am

You don't have to integrate, our goal isn't integration. Reading books about DID can be helpful, it helped us to understand it a bit more.

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Re: What do you think about reading about DID before therapy?

Postby Johnny-Jack » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:23 pm

I personally found reading about others with DID helpful. I had many years of suspecting on and off that I might be multiple. The DSM and more clinical books had not been enough to convince me.

I needed to see similarities between me and people who had had some life success punctuated by breakdowns. I needed to read about dissociative incidents in another's life that I could identify with. Also I've always been drawn to personal narratives like biographies and more clinical books were randomly difficult to focus on and absorb at that point.

If reading about DID happens to be destabilizing for you or if it causes an increase in denial to a point that it interferes with or postpones therapy, then one might want to wait. But don't be surprised if you're sometimes triggered by things you read, as you might be by situations or people in life.
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