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How to step back?

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How to step back?

Postby Muninn » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:16 pm

Today I had some not really urgent problem but it is still annoying me. And it does not only happen today but quite often:

We decided that we will invest in a new computer, because we need it for work and the old one was falling apart. It was quite some money for us. Xan, who is our techie, ordered all parts. He was also the one who pushed most for it. Now the parts are here, but Xan is not. I have no clue how to put a computer together and I do no how I could let him front. He was looking really forward to it. But now he is nowhere.

We really need to learn voluntary willingly switching. It is annoying if you know that you have a really competent identity inside you, who wants to do something but he can not front. Instead you are out but don't want to be there...
He complained that I am too strong. I have no clue how that happens if I even don't want do be here and would be glad to let him be present. I don't want to block us, but apparently I am doing this quite often, without wanting it.

How is it possible to step back and let some one else (who also want this) come forward?
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Re: How to step back?

Postby VioletFlux » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:42 pm

For us, for me, if I don't already feel the other part there, pushing to get out, then there is zero chance of me stepping back. It's almost like, I can't open the door from my side - someone inside has to open it and has to be pushing.

And even then, I guess there's a natural resistance, when someone does start pushing it's like an automatic reaction to fight it. So, we seem to have our 'big' switches overnight? Or I think more accurately, first thing in the morning as we're waking up. Seems like that's when it's easiest for me to let go and not fight.

We do another 'kind' of switching easier... instead of like a full on switch, more like I don't disappear, just fade, and the other person comes through? Like I become transparent so they can shine through sort of thing? Then it's more like coconsiousness to some degree and I'm aware but kindof dreamlike, while they're doing things. We can do that easier, but again it is 100% up to the other person to sort of start it, not me. All I can do is decide whether or not to 'fight' about how much I want to stay.

Sorry its probably not that helpful for you... Maybe you can get a message to Xan or talk to him, and let him know the parts are there and you two can set aside a time for him to work on it?

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Body: 49f; Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar. - Journey Thread - Our System
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Re: How to step back?

Postby Sarandipity » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:03 pm

My thoughts on this are that perhaps you aren't meant to build it right now.
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Re: How to step back?

Postby Muninn » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:24 am

Thanks for your thoughts :)

I realized this night that it is not me alone, who is blocking, but another part who is somehow tied to me and I guess that we, or I, have to take care of them first. It is also something Xan was trying to point out, for months actually... I just... never listened, because I am afraid of it.

The method of fading back did work with another one, btw. but this is one who also was able to just black me out if they wanted to front. So the sort of fading and lingering co-conscious in the background is a step forward with them and it is nothing that I initiate but a reaction to someone who urgently wants to front. With Xan it seems to be different. But we will figure it out what works at some point probably too.
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Re: How to step back?

Postby spinningtops » Sun Jan 06, 2019 8:20 am

hi so this is all very new to me. but one thing i think it sounds vaguely familiar is that do you think you can find the trigger to that alter to make it want to appear. one you say is technical things, but for some reason it is being kept back? is there another one intimidated by the project? or maybe it could have another trigger as well that make it want to appear.
Or do other alters know it better that can talk to that one?
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