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Is This a Healthy Idea?

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Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby WTFDIDIDO » Thu Jan 03, 2019 6:14 am

Hey Folks, first off I wish you all a happy new year! I truly hope you can find some peace and happiness with a healthy support system. The world is a pretty messed up place no other way of saying it (or there is but I am trying to keep it coherent and simple which I sometimes struggle with).

Anyway, on to my question and it's a complicated one.

let me prelound. In essence, I genuinely want to purge and forget about certain part of my life and I guess the associated memories. I also think maybe this means completely losing touch with a part/alter but same time as I type this I sense this part and it's just hard to imagine living without it yet hard to imagine it can be much worse (not to sound negative but I just can't keep function as I do). I am thinking if there is a way to put complete amensia on parts of my life may it's for the better (but I cannot picture or comprhened how it would be or if it's actually possible)?

Here is a interesting thing though, I naturally struggle to remember things regardless of mental state or situation. I may not be able to tell you what I did a few hours ago. And even worse I may believe and say things thinking I am being honest and giving facts when in reality maybe they didn't happen.

Thanks for any potential advice, all thoughts and comments are welcome. I hope this makes sense. I actually left this place and in general trying to purge from technology for some time because I am simply too messed up and felt like I was potentially coming across the wrong way and maybe unintentionally triggering some of you. also I have this strange paranoia about online in general and I really don't like technology it's really scary.
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Re: Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby Floralie » Thu Jan 03, 2019 1:22 pm

To answer to your headline's question, no, it's not a healthy idea according to anything I've ever read or heard about DID.

The real question is why. Why would you wanna do such thing. It can't be because it's too happy and easy and all went too well, so it's probably because you struggle with accepting what's happened, it causes flash backs, or something else negative in your life now. If you wanna get rid of something, the closest you get, is to accept it as part of your life story and leave it behind you as any normal memory. It's easier said than done, you need help to do that, but that is the way to go with painful or shameful stuff. That is closest to getting rid of it.

If you force something to go further from you, you build more denial between you and the thing. It means that part stays as it is, and will not get healed. It may grow to be more independent, and you lose, instead of that part, only control to that part, and their trust.

It's your life, but it's that other one's life too. You decide what you do and to whom, and there is no manual that would cover all cases, but I wouldn't recommend trying.

Building trust and acceptance is the way to go with them all.
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Re: Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby SeveralCrows » Thu Jan 03, 2019 2:01 pm

Agree with everything Floralie said.

Adding in that sometimes we are able to make something in our past smaller in our mind by making something in our present bigger. New hobby or interest or social group. Still have to heal those past things to make flashbacks, etc go away, but it makes now better than it otherwise would be because the new thing pathways get stronger.

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Re: Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Jan 03, 2019 6:55 pm

Hi, my opinion is that yes it is possible. It is not healthy and is not a long term solution to anything.

You don't have to loose the part. You have to loose the memory. You have to rewrite it. This has to happen as quickly as possible after the trauma. If you're talking about something from a long time ago then, possibly but doubtful because it's left all sorts of imprints all over the brain and although you may think it's only effected one part it will have rippled a little to other parts in feelings or other types of memory. Also if other parts know about whatever it is you're trying to forget then they don't have first hand memory. They have here say memory which again I don't know if you could rewrite that. Can you untell someone something? - Exactly. So a long ago happening that you have extensive knowledge of, unlikely without complete dissociative fugue - which I have experienced and don't recommend because it's frightening. A brief trauma that happened moments before rewritten quickly, even as it's happening, can be done but not without consequence of hallucinations, delusions and general temporary break from reality.

On the flip side of that if you really want to remember something clearly then keeping two perspectives aware helps immensely. Two memories, two ripples creating two sets of heresay that other parts will then have heresay memory of. That's a good way to learn things and remember stuff.

To rewrite memory is an extreme stress on the brain and in our experience causes hallucinations. If the hallucinations are pleasant then that's better but I don't know you could guarantee that. The hallucinations pass usually accompanied with delusional thoughts. They pass too. If you can get through all that and avoid ending up hospitalised and medicated then the memory is gone and you're basically "yourself" again.

However, blocking and dissociating events is not a coping mechanism at all. It's a denial mechanism. Denial is lovely but facing things, working through them is better.

Take the part to therapy or specific counselling for whatever they experienced is the best idea imo. A group is better because that also helps other parts. They may not have directly experienced the trauma but it's incredibly close to home, closer to home than usually practically possible. So other parts may find hearing outside people stories and find supporting them healing. They feel like they done something, they may not of been able to do anything for "themselves" but being supportive of others helps them work through their stuff associated with the trauma.
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Re: Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby sleepingwolf » Fri Jan 04, 2019 8:29 am

We agree, shutting of a personality is never a good idea. We used to do that to each other a long time ago...and it just doesn't work!

I (Melden) was squeezed out a long time ago, but I would still come back and make decisions, do things and so on...so it's pretty much impossible. We've ended up pursuing my main skill as a career, because I would come out during work and stuff...so...

Perhaps there is a way they could be in a 'hospital' (a nice one), or a way that they could rest, so you didn't have to have conflict with them all the time?

Wishing you guys the best, and the best for 2019!

:D

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Re: Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby ItsJustUs » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:01 pm

I agree that it's not healthy. Also, in our experience shutting out a part causes chaos, anger, hurt, and resentment, which leads to more problems, not peace.

When Britney first surfaced, I didn't know about DID, and I didn't understand about parts. I just knew that there was this part of me that wanted and needed things that I was uncomfortable with. So I shoved it (her) down. I locked that part away and tried not to think about it or those things. I was maybe 15.

Fast forward to my late teens and early 20's. Britney forced her way back out, and began trying to take over. I would be co-concious in the sense that I could see, hear, and feel everything, but could not act. I helplessly watched, wondering why "i" was doing these things and acting this way. Then after she had her fun she'd go away for a while.

Fast forward to about 3 years ago, after meeting my now husband, Britney surfaced again. She was back with a vengeance. It was during this time I began learning about DID. I began to understand we were fractured and why. And with this understanding came inner communications. I learned Britney was angry, hurt, and resentful over how I had forced her down and back repeatedly over the last 20+ years.

It wasnt until I began to accept her, and get to know her that we were able to be healthy and stable. I cannot imagine the ramifications of trying to lock her in again. And as I type this I hear her telling me how pissed off she'd be and how miserable she'd make me if I tried.

Do you have a therapist you work with? If so, I strongly suggest discussing this with them. If not, I'd strongly suggest you find one.

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Kitten 39F-Core, Delilah (age unknown)F- Protector/System Manager/Care Taker, Britney 17F- Former persecutor turned protector, Lilly 5.5F, Little Wolf (young, but age unknown) "job" unknown, Val- age unknown, Female entity, we think she is a protector
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Re: Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby Cristaline » Fri Jan 04, 2019 3:18 pm

Hi

In my opinion, no it is not an healthy thing to do.. Even if the memories hurt and bother you..

A while ago, when the body was 15, our old host Maeva ( now integrated with me) blocked all of the alters for years because she thought they were imaginary friends ( that's what the parents pressured her to do... She hated it)
It lasted 6 years, of course they were still there, but all the communication was blocked, she could not hear them anymore, not being able to here Elsa ( who was going by Sarah at this time) was extremely painful and lonely for her, she became depressed, even more socially withdrawn, she started to self harm a lot and attempted suicide more than once. Finally, aged 21, she started to hear us again sometimes, of course, it brought some issues, bad memories re-emerged, we had to deal with complicated alters.. but we decided to work together towards functional multiplicity and now nearly 24, we are nearly fully co-conscious ( unfortunately i do block them sometimes when i am extremely anxious but it never lasts more than a few hours.)
We are more functional, happy and independent as ever, and we have our own apartment. Recently, Maeva integrated with me, and while we aren't generally for integration, this one's a real success. I am now the host of the system.

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Re: Is This a Healthy Idea?

Postby WTFDIDIDO » Mon Jan 07, 2019 3:29 am

Appreciate all the replies!

I will try to reply to some of this in more detail in the coming days but here goes a little.

To add a little more context, it is very hard to us to really actually distinguish who is who and we constantly have a sense that whoever is in control does not always have the vest in mind for the rest of us. With this said, it's the very reason I'd like to detach and burry at least 1 part of me and this is the part that likes alchol and pot. These substances only do harm and yet as is even if me typing right now wants to quit the part of me who uses does not and it's a constant struggle.

It's not just stopping though, using and not being able to be honest about it to those I love makes me sad and feel like a sh#t person.

I believe I developed DID early as I have almost no recollection of my childhood aside from a general sense thatI was bullied a lot. However, same time I had a couple really traumatic experience within last 5 years that really made my DID pronoud (don't really want to get into specifics right now) and intially it took me a long time and a lot of hallucinating to actually come to my awarness and in the process developed a degree of coconciousness that is very high and as mentioned very hard to tell who is who

In response to therapy, I actually contacted my former councilor recently in hopes of just chatting but havent heard from him and problem is it was through school and I have been finished for while just thought he would still be willing to discuss and help but guess not. I can afford to find someone else but same time no idea who would be best and so hard for me to even begin to explain things.


In a lot of ways having next to no memory of let's say 1st 15 or so years of my life may be for the better. And while I have somewhat managed to overcome some of the recent year incidents that caused more pain I just felt that voluntary ability to detach and forget certain things could help me move on (as mentioned I still experience a high degree of non voluntary memory lose and in general always had memory issues)
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